Can't take much more

Not to sound cruel but you do realise you are the root of your problems right?

ok, sure you have social anxiety. but thats on you. its no one's responsibility to make sure you have friends and social contact. thats the sort of thing, people do on their own and other people reciprocate once you've made the effort.

you say you're lonely. ok. and then you want to delete facebook. interesting choice there. yes, it is unlikely anyone will notice. thing is, have you ever done anything worth notice to people.

a lot of people nowadays (teens esp) think the world owes them a friend. That being lonely is a crime unrightfully given to them. thats not how it works. relationships are 2 way. if you have nothing to offer (or you do have something to offer but never actually go out and offer it) in a relationship then of course, you'll be left out.

if the problem is you being scared to even approach people. then there's not much to do. people aren't gonna randomly offer their hand to you, espif you physically look as bad/sad as you sound here. you gotta get yourself out there and deal with it.

sounds like im bashing you but this is honest advice from me to you. the real world is less "happy-go-lucky feel movie" and more "tough love" lessons.

all the best

Starting your post with: 'not to sound cruel', does not make it any less cruel.

Social contact is a basic human need. And people do not deserve to be chided simply for desiring social contact. The world may not owe anyone a friend, but it's natural for a person to be upset when they lack close confidants.

Moreover, your post doesn't consider the situation when a person offers things to other people, but doesn't receive anything in return.

What of a person that has made every effort to reach out to others only to be repeatedly spurned? Would such a person be deserving of sympathy in your eyes? You seem to be placing the blame entirely on ak4482's shoulders, when in this context, it's impossible to know where the blame truly lies. Better, I think, to give up on blame entirely and offer empathy instead.

But what I really can't forgive you for, is this line:

'esp if you physically look as bad/sad as you sound here'.

You and I know nothing about this person, and yet you attempt to criticise their appearance on no evidence whatsoever? This isn't 'honesty', this just comes across as cruelty.

The world may well be more tough than fair, but it doesn't matter. Tough love is not the best medicine in these situations. My honest advice, try empathy instead.

Well Grue

I guess the world has been kinder to you than it has to me. I adviced that way cos thats the only way I know how (as I experienced it that way). I had no empathetic helping hand as you are right now when i was in a similar situation at that point of time.

that being said, if you can actually give a better, less rough way of doing things (as you have) then go ahead. I replied based on my experiences as it worked for me. I am cynical (no arguments here) but fine, your way is nicer.

For what its worth, ak4882, I am sorry. follow Grue's adivce instead.

oh and just to clarify when i said "...esp if you physically look as bad/sad as you sound here"

i didnt mean actual physical features. bad phrasing there.

i meant physically look as in you look mopey, long/sad face, gloomy, brooding, or you know any expression that isnt inviting, etc. those expressions dont really inspire confidence/friendliness

I agree with Grue. To turn around to someone who feels bad about themselves and tell them it's their fault is cruel. It's not his fault if he has anxiety. It's not a choice. You should be trying to help. Not putting him down further. You say you haven't had an easy life, so you should know how hard it is. So why are you trying to make somebody else suffer? That comment was cruel.

Ak4482 don't listen to that comment. Go to your doctors to get help with your anxiety. Your doctor is there to help and will no judge you. Just remember, your doctor has helped loads of people with anxiety so will not be surprised or judge you. Furthermore, if you are worried about others knowing your going to the doctors and judging you, do what I do. Just tell them it's a check up. Theydon't need to know why you are going if you don't want them to. Anxiety is very difficult, but if you want contact you do need to try and help yourself by going to the doctors. It will help. It will take time but just look to the future and how much happier you could be if you improve your anxiety. Don't think about deleting your Facebook because it is only going to upset you. Facebook is such a large website and people have at least 1000 friends each. If you did delete it, people may not notice. But then again, no one would notice if I deleted mine too. People would just think you haven't posted in a while or defriended them. It's not the best way to see whether people care. Don't try testing people. You will find you will be happier that way.

good luck with the future!!

I am going to a doctor in a couple of weeks. As for Facebook, I'm sick of everyone posting their happy relationships while I'm closer to ending my life than to finding one.

I apologize for wasting people's time here. I apologize for not being strong enough to stand up when I was relentlessly bullied without consequences. I'm sorry for not dealing with it. I'll shut up until I have something useful to post. Bye.

I don't feel that you're wasting our time. You sound like you're in a difficult situation and I think you have every right to be upset.

You seem very isolated, and I know, that's not an easy thing to deal with. It's a very painful thing to deal with. Especially when you desperately want to reach out to others, but can't, due to anxiety or fear of rejection. It can be so, so painful, to need something so desperately, but to feel like it's constantly beyond your grasp.

I meant it before, when I said that social contact is a basic human need. It's normal to want other people to care about you. And it's normal to feel upset when you can't meet that need.

Sometimes, when a person is alone for a long period of time, they can start to doubt their self-worth, they can start to feel that they don't deserve other people's time. But I don't think that's true, I think you do deserve to be listened to. You do deserve social contact. And you do deserve fulfilling relationships.

By the way, if you're not comfortable posting here in the forums, then you might find it helpful to talk to a listener instead. They sign up specifically to help out with problems like anxiety, depression, or even loneliness. It might take a few attempts to find a listener that really 'gets' you, but most listeners will be very happy to hear from you.

You don't have to talk to a listener, and you don't have to talk to us, but remember, the option is always there if you need it.

I'm going to keep on checking this thread, in case you choose to reply. I hope you do.

P.S. Good luck with your appointment.

I am shockedat the level of insensitivity in this post "exempligratia". God help the member/guest in despair who chooses you to vent to.

i won't be ugly here, but the problem is that many don't know how to find their way out of the hole they are stuck in. But with the "encouraging words" just offered, I would be surprised if this person ever left the house again.

Cruel words are indicative of cruel intentions in every sense if the word. I sure do hope you never suffer from depression or loneliness and find someone such as yourself to lift you up because I am afraid you may be disappointed if you were the receipiant of your own words...

such a shame...

Thank you for your kind words.

I honestly feel like I don't deserve the kind words though. I haven't earned my pain. I choose to be a lazy f*** and not make friends. And of course, I choose to have anxiety and not deal with it like a man. And what man cries himself to sleep frequently like I do?

So I go out and humiliate myself, and get put on social media for life. Big deal. It's not like I'm much use to anyone outside of my co-workers (who genuinely appreciate me) and my mother.

End rant. I'll just need to deal with it.

I don't think you are the type of person that needs to be giving advise. People need compassion, not bashing them. There really is truth in the saying, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. The world is often a hard cold place, and you are really an example of it.

Hey Ak4482. I am sorry that you feel this way! Please remember that you are always more than welcome to connect with a listener to discuss your issues in more detail. Let's also all remember to be respectful of each other and our opinions, and keep in mind that we should treat others how we would like to be treated ourselves. :)

Dear ak442, I am a listener here on this site. I also very much understand crippling anxiety since I suffer from it myself. Please don't think of ending things because it won't get better that way and believe me it really can get better. If you ever want to talk to a listener there are plenty on here and I myself would be more than happy to talk in more detail. You are not weak for feeling like you do. You are not at fault for having anxiety. And I understand your hesitation to share your feelings with friends who seem happy. But I want to share something with you about Facebook, pictures are just a moment in time. So just because your friends seem happy in their pictures does not mean they themselves don't struggle from some inner turmoil. You are not alone. People do care about you. Please talk anytime. I wish you well and I hope your doctor appointment goes well for you

I feel exactly that way too. I prayed too god, that he just could take me now. Because I dont know how to continue too live this life anymore... I have social anxiety too. So its really hard too get new friends.

It's very sad to hear that I am not the only person who prays to God to take me away from this agonizing world. I started praying at the age of 12 and it never happened. I am beginning to believe that my GOD I believed in is not really listening! I don't have the courage to take my own life right now, but maybe if I pray for it , he. Will grant me that, sorry you suffer too!

I'm so sorry that you are suffering as well. I feel the same way you do about wanting the pain to end; I often wonder if I was put on this earth to make others happy at my expense. Hopefully there can be some happiness for you on this earth, please take care.

Thanks, I want you to know that you may feel alone, and I never really understood this until recently, and physically you may be alone but the pain you feel emotionally is felt by me as well. So in that way you are not alone, ok? Take care