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ak4482
8,648 M Moving Along 9
PathStep 107 Compassion hearts103 Forum posts102 Forum upvotes54 Current upvotes54 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2018 Member sinceDecember 8, 2013
Recent forum posts
Weird sense of emptiness
Depression Support / by ak4482
Last post
 December 4th, 2014
...See more Last weekend, I must honestly say I had a very enjoyable Thanksgiving.  Good food, great times with relatives, lots of fun.  But that night as I was getting ready to go to bed, I was drained of all joy.  I was struck by the thought that unless a miracle happens and I find love and lose my virginity by my 35th birthday, I will only have 2 Thanksgivings left on this earth before I plan to leave.  It's a horrible feeling & I couldn't share with any family members 
Can't take much more
Depression Support / by ak4482
Last post
 November 5th, 2014
...See more I don't know how much more I can take.  My social anxiety is overwhelming, yet I am dreadfully lonely.  I'm seriously thinking of deleting my Facebook page and seeing if anyone even bothers to keep in contact with me.  I'm sure no one will, no one truly gives a s--- about me to care.  Oh well they can keep going on, I'm done being happy for them.  I know if I ask for help they will look at me funny or not at all.  I've prayed to go to sleep and never wake up again, but again I just think I'm on this planet to be the whooping boy for the world.  WHY AM I SO AWKWARD!?  WHY WAS I EVEN BORN 
Trigger too easily
Depression Support / by ak4482
Last post
 August 10th, 2016
...See more When I'm depressed, I really trigger way too easily.  Case in point: my main cause of my depression is my lack of love and sex at almost 33 (as a male).  I saw a link on Men's Health magazine that interested me, but to the side there were all kinds of articles about sex and love life.  Nice of them to remind me of what a failure and a little boy I am for never having had sex. Instead of punishing myself physically, I should make myself stay on Facebook and see all my friends talk about their relationships, something I will never have in my life.
No one will ever love me
Relationship Stress / by ak4482
Last post
 March 15th, 2020
...See more I'm done.  They say there's someone out there for everyone.  Bullshit.  I'm 32, and I have never found anyone to love me, and no one will.  I don't know why I bother, I know I was put here to be everybody's whipping boy.  I'd at least want to go out on my own terms, not stay here while the entire world laughs at me for being the man who can't find a woman to love him 
What is my role in life?
Depression Support / by ak4482
Last post
 September 10th, 2014
...See more I often wonder what are role in life is.  As I've lived mine, I've come to the realization that I have been put here as the clown.  And not in a way that people laugh with me.  In a way that people laugh at me.  I'm the braindead moron that screws up work, after having to throw my dream career away.  I'm the guy that's looked at as "him, dating someone.  HAHAHAHA!!!!"  People say that making others happy can make you happy.  Those people can shove it.  I guess someone needs to be kicked around, and I'm it.
Can't find hope
Relationship Stress / by ak4482
Last post
 September 6th, 2014
...See more Hi, I'm posting because I feel worthless and have found no one today to turn to.  I'm a 32 year old male.  I should say male in gender only.  I'm a pathetic virgin who's never even come close to any romantic or intimate touching, and never will.  I am very shy and afraid to go out because I know I will make a fool of myself, and with technology today, it's a life sentence.  I even suck at my job now, making repeated mistakes when 1 mistake is a million too many.  In short, I am just going through the motions of life, not quite able to make the move to end my life, but not wanting to live.  I just need someone to care for and about me as I cry myself off to sleep, again :(
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