All kinds of exhausted

I don't know if I'm even posting in the right community but recently I'm just exhausted with myself and everything around. Things have been absolutely hell, I try not to worry too much but end up overworrying. I hate that I'm a coward, I hate that I get easily irritated, I hate that I get passive aggressive at times and I hate that I'm selfish. There're just so much that I hate about myself.

I tried thinking positive and getting myself motivated, which for the first week or so surprisingly worked, the negativity wasn't creeping up on me that much anymore, but things still came crushing down. I don't think that I'm worth it, I feel like everyone around me deserves way better, and if there's one person I hate the most in this world, it would be myself.

I'm exhausted emotionally and mentally, sometimes I wish I could just throw away my emotions so that I don't have to feel again. I've definitely thought about suicide, but I'm not the type to act on it for one, I'm deathly afraid, and two, there're so many things that I can't let go.

I'm a tired and confused mess. I'm unsure of how to keep going.