Abusive relationship, still I wanted to be with him
I was in a relationship with a guy, it was all good most of the days but when he got angry, he couldn't control and initially he would just slap or push me around. With time these fights got even more violent leaving me with bruises. Even after all this, I never left him. I kept trying to make it work. Because the good days were very nice, we had a great relationship. It was as if he had two sides, may be he was bipolar. We were even about to marry, got engaged and then he suddenly decided he doesn't want to be with me and he blocked me from everywhere. I can't contact him or talk to him I know I should be happy that I am out of this toxic relationship but I am struggling every day. I miss him, keep getting flashbacks, look at pictures and I get so much anxiety thinking about everything and what he might be doing. I am not able to sleep, I cry sometimes, eat here and there sometimes. I feel like trying to call him or stalk him even though I am blocked and I can't. I don't understand this. I should have been the one to leave him or be happy it's over but instead this is killing me. Each day feels like a year thinking about him all day.
Ugh. I can relate in some form... I recently had a three year affair with a man outside of my marriage and I have no clue how to get over it.. I found out the man had a dark secret and it still does not click in my head even though I know it’s true. Maybe time will heal? Just know you deserve better! Abuse is never okay and no matter how low you get... always remember nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
You can't stay with him if he is not willing to change or if he is not aware of his psychological illness and willing to go through therapy. And you can't cure him with your love. It's so nice of u to stay but this will only leave u with more bruises. You deserve much better.
I kept hoping he would change and yes I believed my love would heal him. I wish he agreed for therapy so we didn't have to part our ways. But instead he chose the easier path to leave me. I have been waiting to get this "much better" from years. I have had so many breakups where people just leave or cheat. I don't have the strength to wait anymore for the better as I don't feel it exists
You may be attached to certain feelings that you think you need. But with some things, it's not always healthy for you. In this case emotionally or mentally. Keep listening to the voice I also hear in your words. The awareness the the best thing is to be healthy and safe mentally and physically. It will bring you close to the way up and not down. You can do this. Believe *not* every thought that comes to the mind. Your mind likes to fool you sometimes, but your heart always speaks the truth, even if it hurts for some time. Perhaps this is the time to grow even stronger wings?
My mind understands this is logically the right thing. But my heart just keeps remembing all the good times and dwelling over what I have lost. And it's not my first breakup, I have had 2 more before. So it just feels so painfull and I feel there is no light at end of this tunnel, I have tried growing stronger wings before but this time I have no hope and strength left to deal with it again. My anxiety kills me thinking about what he might be doing. We also had 2 dogs together which he has now. I just want to see them and him and go back to that happy life even though it's not possible anymore. I know this sounds so melodramatic and I am a fool trying to think about all this. But what do I do with the thoughts that are roaming in my mind all day :(
Maybe he left you because he loved you so much he couldn't bear to see you getting hurt by his abusiveness so just relax and wait for the right one everything happens for a reason 🤗
Well when I think that way then it hurts more that we had so much love for each other. I lost something valuable. I want to believe that there is something good lying on the other side but I don't have the patience to wait. My anxiety just grows more and more every morning. I even think what if he is with someone else already.
Let's learn to Walk and not try to change things we cannot control.
