So, this is me...
Hi, I'm Surri. (I kinda feel like I should hear the obligatory "Hi, Surri" come from my laptop now.. hah) I'm a single mother of two children, divorced, also a student and employee. I was diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety about 6 years ago, was medicated for about 2 years, but don't currently have insurance, so I have been unmedicated for 4 years.
My children and I live with my parents and they're not very emotionally supportive. I've felt like nothing but a failure and a disappointment to them for years. I'm afraid to even talk honestly with my dad because I feel like I'll be judged and put down. I'm afraid to finish college because I really don't know what to do next. I'm afraid that I can't even finish college because, where I once felt smart, I now feel like a total idiot in the classroom. I have major difficulty focusing because all my other worries won't leave me alone.
My exhusband isn't responsible with our children when he gets them. His mother is not well and hears voices and encourages my children to listen for the voices and that they're real. He's currently separated from his second wife, with whom I'm actually friends. She's great with the kids and has helped me raise them more than my ex has, but she's a 4 hour drive away now and my ex is complicating visits with her. They're pursuing a divorce which has complicated my life with the kids and he is currently living with a new girlfriend which complicates things even more.
I don't feel like I can stand up to anyone for what I feel is right for myself or for my children and there's a lot of shame and guilt there and from other things. Anyway. I guess this is just one giant brain dump to get things out of my head so maybe I can write this stupid paper that I have due for class on Friday.
Help would be appreciated if possible.
Hi Surri!
I'm sorry that you feel that way.
I just want to comment on one of the things you said in your post, that you "feel like a total idiot in the classroom". Someone once told me that 'If you are the smartest person in the room, you are not in the right room. The right one is where you are the dumbest and you have a lot of opportunities to learn and grow.' This statement really hit me hard. I felt the same way like you do, and after listening to this person, I stopped thinking about how I'm the dumbest and started thinking about how the person in front of me is smarter and how he/she can help me grow. It makes a lot of difference, trust me.
I also want to add that I think that you are a great mom to your kids. The mere fact that you care about them and care about how people are around them is a testimony to this fact. You should be proud of that. Not everyone has the capacity to care and love others even if they are their own children. You are awesome :) Keep being awesome :) And know that someone out there loves you. I know I do :) Stay strong.
"Hi, Surri" (I just had to say that haha)
just wanted to drop by and say you're so brave for sharing this- its definitely the first step forward. I think it's human nature to come out fighting. All of us are strong enough to make it out of our situations- but not all of us believe we can. Life often feels unmanageable, and we've all been there before. -hugs-
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤