One word to describe how I feel today is....

FUCKED UP!

Ashamed

between the pandemic and the holidays, realizing just how damaging all my mistakes in my life were and how many I made :( a lot unfortunately.

Most people get the option of keeping in touch virtually or in-game with friends during this pandemic, I don't. My best friends still treat me like a ghost, as if I was dead, a criminal.

and even before the pandemic, anything social I ever tried to plan always backfired. As someone on the Autism spectrum, I know socialization is not my forte; but never in a million years did I ever believe I screwed up that badly :(

that the thought of being in-game with me is unpleasant; that my best friends assume that I am a bigot; that any occasion or holiday I plan is overlooked, and just being around me apparently is a challenge :(

Worried

Frustrated

Very down and numb

Alone.

Defeated

worried

overwhelmed

Alone