One word to describe how I feel today is....

Broken

5 years ago was when the life/future I wanted was rendered impossible, deleted.

in those 5 years, I lost my best buddy, I lost the group of friends I helped form, my best friends no longer speak to me and at the very most hate me, my familys health has declined, I no longer get to enjoy anything I love with friends as I am apparently insufferable to be around, and it is impossible now for me to ever have a life with anyone my heart wants/wanted let alone anyone.

in those 5 years I was made to realize that my flaws outnumber my strengths, that my mistakes are many, are life sentences and are unforgivable.

in those 5 years, I was made to realize just how horrible of a person I am, how unlovable and unworthy I am, that I deserve absolutely nothing and was born and designed to be alone for the rest of my life.

Hopeless

Lonely

Calm.

Failure 😔

Nostalgic.

Exhausted

Bummed

Bought a six flags season pass back in April, still haven't had the chance to use it or even go to the park to get it processed and the year is almost over :(

Work/life imbalance doesn't allow me any time to do anything :(

Feels real nice blowing $90 for something I don't even get to enjoy :(

Frustrated

Overwhealmed