My Story of Depression

Thank you for this great check-in post for the community.

Good idea for a thread, @sarah2306. Let's start a discussion!

1 & 2. Which part of my story do I want to re-live / delete, and why?

Personally, I don't think I want to re-live or delete any part of the story of my depression. It was brutal and heartbreaking and I think experiencing it once is enough for me ^^; Maybe I could have done better, communicate better, be stronger or kinder to myself... However, the decisions I've made in the past was the best for me at the time - maybe they have not seemed as healthy or safe, but they allow me to survive the pain. I've learned not to judge my past, but learn what I can and let it go.

3. Which part of my story do I want to be thankful for the most, and why?

I am definitely most thankful for the support I've received over the years. At the start of my illness, I thought that having depression is shameful. Through all of my teenage years, I was in denial, and then after the diagnosis, I feel ashamed and marked and tried to hide it from my loved ones. I was terrified that I will be cast aside because my family (and especially my father) always discuss mental illness as a weakness of character. After I burst out and confess to my family about my struggle and suicide ideation, I was shocked of their reactions - my parents and siblings just stopped everything they've been doing and they just hug me. It was the most simple gesture, and the most powerful one - no words were needed for me to realize that I am not alone. I could still lean on my loved ones for their support.

Without my depression, I suspect my family wouldn't learn how to talk about their mental health and needs in a healthy and supportive way. Ironically, all the years of pain and anguish led to a tremendous improvement in my family relationships.