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Gut feelings about my mental health.

IronicSarcasm August 22nd, 2016
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I have had depression for most of my teenage life and doctors are pretty sure it is due to emotional dysregulation among things such as QOL and post trauma but they also hint at other underlying issues but won't diagnose me or elaborate because of uncertainty and/or my age (17).

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions, I've looked into ADHD and Bipolar and so on as they run in my family but I'm really not sure what's going on.

I am definitely 100% more depressed than not and when I'm not depressed, I'm rarely happy either.
But, loads of energy that comes from nowhere springs upon me, the world is beautiful and I love my friends, they are so special and talented and everything is art and I am worry free about money and life problems even though I can see that they are there, I am impulsive and reckless, loud and speak 100 mph, I'll smoke and drink and want to go out at pitch just to look for danger, I am overly confident and truly believe I will be a famous writer and that I'm actually pretty and I'm actually better than most of the people in my life and I have a creative spark that makes me want to paint the walls, write an essay or sing until my throats sore.

These periods don't last very long, maybe a couple of hours and I get them maybe once a fortnight which makes me think to dismiss it.

(Note, when I was a child and was not depressed, I was exactly the same as I am during these crazy episodes of highs so maybe those feelings are just ME but I'm not acknowledging them as normal because depression is so familiar to me now???)

Also, despite this short spark of energy, I am so anxious during it which stops me from actually feeling happy about all the happy things happening, if that makes any sense at all???

I have anxiety and I'm not sure if it's just that I'm not happy during it or whether it's again me knowing that it won't last long so I'm not mindful about it.

Although I show clear signs of ADHD/ADD (More so ADD that ADHD), something tells me I'm looking too far into it.

Advice???

2
Sierra2018 August 22nd, 2016
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@IronicSarcasm What do you think would happen if you visited a psychologist to ask them if they can pinpoint what exactly you are experiencing based on the experiences of the "highs" and "lows", such as depression, and also to see what would be the best way for you to manage everything that you are experiencing?

IronicSarcasm OP August 24th, 2016
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@Sierra2018 I want to speak with mine, just a nervous (He speaks broken English and we sometimes misinterpret what we are saying, don't want to fuck up) x