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IronicSarcasm
2,194 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 73 Compassion hearts75 Forum posts183 Forum upvotes138 Current upvotes138 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceMay 28, 2016
Bio
Books, music and movies are art.
I am passionate about coffee among other things.
17.

If you are not recovering, you are dying.
Recent forum posts
Gut feelings about my mental health.
Depression Support / by IronicSarcasm
Last post
 August 24th, 2016
...See more I have had depression for most of my teenage life and doctors are pretty sure it is due to emotional dysregulation among things such as QOL and post trauma but they also hint at other underlying issues but won't diagnose me or elaborate because of uncertainty and/or my age (17). I'm just curious as to other people's opinions, I've looked into ADHD and Bipolar and so on as they run in my family but I'm really not sure what's going on. I am definitely 100% more depressed than not and when I'm not depressed, I'm rarely happy either. But, loads of energy that comes from nowhere springs upon me, the world is beautiful and I love my friends, they are so special and talented and everything is art and I am worry free about money and life problems even though I can see that they are there, I am impulsive and reckless, loud and speak 100 mph, I'll smoke and drink and want to go out at pitch just to look for danger, I am overly confident and truly believe I will be a famous writer and that I'm actually pretty and I'm actually better than most of the people in my life and I have a creative spark that makes me want to paint the walls, write an essay or sing until my throats sore. These periods don't last very long, maybe a couple of hours and I get them maybe once a fortnight which makes me think to dismiss it. (Note, when I was a child and was not depressed, I was exactly the same as I am during these crazy episodes of highs so maybe those feelings are just ME but I'm not acknowledging them as normal because depression is so familiar to me now???) Also, despite this short spark of energy, I am so anxious during it which stops me from actually feeling happy about all the happy things happening, if that makes any sense at all??? I have anxiety and I'm not sure if it's just that I'm not happy during it or whether it's again me knowing that it won't last long so I'm not mindful about it. Although I show clear signs of ADHD/ADD (More so ADD that ADHD), something tells me I'm looking too far into it. Advice???
Spoken Word Poem #1 Draft.
Healthy Living / by IronicSarcasm
Last post
 July 26th, 2016
...See more Insomnia The walls hum a song you mistake for mockery. The clock ticks, reminding you it is 4AM and you are still awake. The moon seemingly beaming brighter than usual, you feel blinded and broken, you can almost hear it laugh at your expense. Is this a new teleshopping ad? I feel like Ive idly eyed a lifetime of them. The birds, they sing a melody from outside your window letting you know it is morning. You slip into a catatonic state before sitting up, did someone just shout my name? Am I losing my mind? The sound of the static emitting from the TV makes your ears bleed. When did the channel change? I didnt fall asleep but I cant seem to remember? Why sleep are you so diffident? What you dont realise is that the walls hum, yes, but they are humming a lullaby. The clock ticks, yes, reminding you that you are not closer to morning but closer to sleep. The moon wants to be your friend, how corrupt he must be when the snores and yawns of the world are louder than his lonely thoughts. The fake smiles and the vacant eyes of the ad hosts are a reminder that you are not alone. The birds are cheering you on for surviving another night. The static is trying to drown out your thoughts. You must remember that your home is where the heart is and you should listen to it, the reason you cant sleep is not because of the bricks built around you but because your mind refuses to knock them down.
Does happiness exist?
Depression Support / by IronicSarcasm
Last post
 July 28th, 2016
...See more This question is one that I often ponder on. Buddhism believes that yes, it does exist but just like any other emotion, it is impermanent and although Ive grown fond of this idea I cant help but over analyse and consider other possibilities. Is happiness a figment of our imagination? Like religion, people turn to ‘heaven to comfort them from fears of inevitable oblivion. Do we turn to ‘happiness to comfort us from fears of eternal sadness? Do we mistake moments of satisfaction for happiness because we know no better than to make assumptions? Maybe it does exist, maybe those moments arent satisfaction but are true happiness, but because humans are natural idealists, we make-believe traditional happiness to avoid disappointment. I dont know but what I do know is that telling someone that happiness is not real is like telling a child that neither is Santa. Were all naive and I think thats okay. Maybe our ignorance is our ‘happiness.
Eating habits fluctuating?
Eating Disorder Support / by IronicSarcasm
Last post
 July 19th, 2016
...See more I've never eaten healthy, I went through phases as a young child of being too fussy and not eating much of anything other than sweet/junk foods, then I spent a lot of my teenage life eating nothing but junk food, always being hungry or experiencing boredom hunger. This past year I've binge eaten when stressed or experiencing an episode of depression. Only this past couple of months I've had urges to stop and restrict but nothing more than intrusive thoughts but I have just naturally stopped eating as much junk food but it's come to the point where I never want to eat, not because I feel unhealthy binge eating but because I'm barely hungry, ever. I don't want people thinking I'm stopping myself from eating but I'm finding myself only eating for this reason, I could easily go a day with just a snack in my system and be full as ever. I'm just worried about the drastic change of over eating to under eating, anyone have any ideas or advice?
Furious with DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy)
Depression Support / by IronicSarcasm
Last post
 July 8th, 2016
...See more The team of therapists and doctors I'm working with currently have referred me to DBT after my therapist retired and I've been waiting since early May. I was told that they had no waiting list so they'd contact me to organise a meeting for assessment ASAP. They had a few hiccups figuring out which doctors and address I was under as I had recently moved and so I've been waiting without any support despite ringing the emergency services multiple times suicidal until today, they have finally rang and told me my appointment was on the 14th and unfortunately, I was going to be away and asked if I could have it after the 16th. The woman on the phone was understanding and warm, she told me another doctor would get hold of me to reorganise. Later today, my mother recieved a phonecall from an arrogant man who spoke down to my mother for letting me go away for the week with my best friend and her mother (who happens to be a mental health nurse) and then continued to slate my mothers parenting and tell her I was clearly not ready for the commitment to help myself and attend the appointment, he ended the call after reorganising leaving my mother distraught. I am so furious. 1. I waited months for their phonecall despite no waiting list and without any support whatsoever. 2. The point of DBT and it's contract is to learn how to live and cope outside of my bed, to show signs of self-help yet when I decide I will put myself out there, socialise and actually have a life, I am knocked back down. 3. He was totally unprofessional and made inaccurate and insensitive assumptions about me and my mother who loves and cares for me deeply. I have heard multiple complaints about DBT similar to this but I had chosen to dismiss them but after today I've been left more anxious about joining DBT than letting myself and my dreams waste away.
A MILLION PEOPLE IN MY HEAD
Depression Support / by IronicSarcasm
Last post
 July 6th, 2016
...See more Sometimes I feel like I have a million people in my head. I feel empty, I an overloading with emotion, I do not love, I do not hate, I don't want to die, I want to die, I am shy, I am confident, I am a creative genius, I am incompetent and lazy, I worry, I am reckless, I love deeply, I hate furiously, I want to be alone, I want busy streets, constant fucking conflict and contradictions with myself.
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