I can understand the traumas of sexualviolence. It's not very fun and the jumble of emotions you have afterwards can be hard to distinguish. A lot of times, we're made to feel like we can't be angry or upset over what has happened because anger is often seen as a negative emotion. We're not suppose to feel angry at ourselves, other people, the world, etc. The truth is that we do.What I want you all to know is that what youfeeling is completely understandableand that it's okay to feel angry or distressed. After something like that, it's rather difficult not to be affected in any way and to come out without a scratch (physically, mentally, or emotionally.)Rainn.org lists anger as a common reaction for those whohavesuffered from sexual abuse (although this link says childhood, I'd say that it's applicablefor both childhood and adulthood experiences.) It can be a method to protect ourselves by keeping other emotions at bay,because we feel angry that someone has violated us in such way, angry that we weren't protected from it, or just angry for reasons we can't put into words.
Whatever it is, it's okay to be angry, hurt, upset, etc. and want to express that just to let it out because if you keep in it, it will just stay there. From experience, it's hard to move forward when you're still stuck with all those emotions because that becomes normal after a while, and normal is hard to change. If it helps to speak with someone who understands, you can browse the listener page to see which listeners have listed sexual violence, traumatic experiences, or sexual abuse as their category/in their profile.
For outside resources, rainn.org is a US-basedchatline/hotlineI've used before, and it's quite helpful. It also lists international resourcesas well. Forum/resource-based websites are also aftersilenceand pandora's project.