Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel terrible. I feel like my life is over. I'm done waiting.
@orangeBanana8658, I'm sorry to hear that. It must be really difficult for you, lovely. Would you like to talk about your hardships? Here or just PM me? Or maybe in here?
There is a lot of people who are willing to listen to you, wonderful. We are here for you. we want to ease your sufferings. You don't deserve it.
*hugs*
I feel stupid. I wanted to get help and be supported by my family but my anxiety took over and I know it'll never happen. I can feel my hope shrinking every day and every night I lay in bed wondering when this hell will end. I feel hopeless, naive, scared.
I'm so sorry you feel so low, @Abracondromeda23. It must be hard for you not getting support from your loved ones that you are totally worth it. We are here for you, if you want to talk.
I don;t know if you already know about it, but there is this great article about anxious thinking, with practical tips. I really hope it will help you in your battle. Even if you are fighting alone, you are not lonely, wonderful. We care for you.
Sending lots of love!
I feel numb. I feel like I'm not good for anything anymore and nothing helps. I just want to give up. I've been considering writing a suicide note and ending it all but I'm holding on for my friends and my school's band director (you wouldn't understand if you aren't in band). I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself. I'm sorry about the crappy explanation by the way.
Lovely @Monarda, that's okay. I can understand that paradox of wanting to die, but not killing yourself. It may seem illogical, but our minds like to trick us.
You want to cease to exists, because, I assume, your pain seems unbearable, and you just don't have a strength to carry one. You just want to find a solution, to break out from this prison in your mind. Still, you're thoughts are the important indicator for something else. Even if you didn't follow on them, even if you were just contemplating death, even if you feel stronger now and think you will never go through with your just-for-fun-created plans, it's a big red flag that something is really wrong. These thoughts are signalizing that you are looking for a way to outlet your pain. No living creature wants to die, we instinctively do everything to help us cope with a given situation. But depression is sneaky and mostly uses our own brain against us.
I think talking with someone about your exhaustion will make a big difference to your wellness. You don't have to suffer, my lovely. There are options for you which can make a huge impact to your moods. There is a lot of people who can help you, and you only have to seek them out. Reach out to someone you trust. Maybe to your band's director? Or a parent? Or a counsellor?
I'm sending you the best wishes, wonderful. You are much more stronger than you give yourself a credit for, but you don't have to be in pain. I care about you. Please, reach out. It will be one of the best decisions in your life.
*hugs*
@Spes, to be honest, I'm terrified of reaching out because I don't like sharing my feelings and all that crap. I want to analyze my thoughts but my feelings get in the way. Also, therapy and counseling just focuses on emotions, which I absolutely detest. Also I worry excessively that anyone I talk to about my problems will judge me. When I tried to tell my dad about one of my problems, he got mad and acted like I didn't exist for a few days. So I don't want that to happen again with therapy or counseling.
@Monarda, you don't have to analyze your emotions if you don't want to, lovely. There are many other options. Right now, you feel awful. That's a fact. You have thoughts about ending your life, and it is a sign from your brain that it's suffering really badly and it search to break out of this cycle of pain. If you want to stop suffering, to gain your personality back and the balance of emotions, you should consider reaching out.
I know it is hard and scary, because right now your depression tries to tell that that maybe you're just overreacting, that you're fine, that you are strong to cope on your own. I know that, because I also have depression, and it is their mechanism to deceive us. It is a real illness with a real symptoms, but it is highly treatable, with over 80% rate. And there are lots of lots of various options of treatment, lovely. Not only counseling. You really can feel better, there is a way out of all of this suffering. All you need to do is to just tell someone about it. It's just like going to dentist, when your tooth aches. But when you have depression it affects your hormones and neurotransmitters, so you are going to psychiatrist or psychologist.
I'm sorry to hear that your dad is not supportive. Is there someone else who could help you with booking an appointment with a doctor? Your mum? Sibling? Aunt? Uncle? Friend? Counsellor? After first visit it will be much more easier for you, because then you will have your answer and a plan to battle with your foe.
Well my twin sister is in therapy already, so I really don't want my mom to spend excessive money on me. Besides, she only knows about one of my problems, and she thinks I faked it because of my sister's problems. So the only option is my school's counselor, and she'd call my parents when she heard about just one thing I want to shove away from me. So I'm better off just keeping it to myself. No use stressing anyone out.
Today was a good day. Last night was a good night. I learned that I need to trust my initial instinct and not my doubts.
That's great, @Hollywoodglitter! I'm really glad to hear that. Keep that thought close to your heart&mind, it will help you survive the darkest nights.
Lots of love!
alone.....i am always alone,obviously emocionally
I'm really sorry to hear that, lovely @darknessGirl. It must be really hard for you, feeling abandoned and lonely.
Let me bring you soft pillows and a warm blanket. Let me bake you cookies. Let me watch with you funny movies and laugh out loud of all the silliness. Let me show you stars and find new constellations. I care about you, wonderful.
Just say how can I make it better for you, I will. I will run the distance and hug yuo, because you are worth it. You don't deserve this pain.
*hugs tightly*
hey,you don
I feel helpless. I have a very close family member in the hospital and I have no idea how to cope. I don't want to self-harm again because I've been a week clean and I don't want to break that streak. I don't have any energy to do anything anymore. I just feel parylized.
I'm so sorry to hear that, @RaspberryKitten. It is a very stressful situation for you, lovely. It is okay to be overwhelmed. You are so strong for resisting for the whole week. It is a great achievement, dearest, I'm so proud of you!
*hugs*
Have you heard about Butterfly Project?
"Take a pen or marker and draw a butterfly where you would harm yourself or anywhere on your arm or hand or wrist. You can also draw a butterfly on a piece of paper or on someone else and you can dedicate that butterfly to someone. Butterfly means that when this pressure to be perfect and also the sadness got overwhelming you are thought about someone who loves you not inspite of your flaws but because of them, a friend who showed you kindness or your sister who made you laugh. It can be anyone, butterfly is the representation of being brave, of love, of support, of letting the bad thought fly fly away shoo them, its saying to the world "butterfly you". Butterfly project is a coping mechanism for self harmers, and self harming is both on the body and inside the body. So the next time you itch to cut yourself or have bad thoughts just draw a butterfly and think that it exists for one reason; that you still have a lot worth living for. What's important about Butterfly Project is that its positive and there will be a butterfly that you will dedicate to yourself too because you also love yourself." By @cakebaker (x).
Maybe it is something that you would consider trying out?
Sending you lots of hugs, lovely!
Sad... old memories surfacing and it's pain all over again.. I hate when this happens..
I just want to break down and cry... I honestly don't have any real reason to cry today, but I feel as if things are crumbling around me. I don't know why I bothered to hope for something decent this year. No matter what, something has to go wrong.
i know how you feel, seems like lately, last year to be exact, nothing has gone right.... seems like no matter what i try things just get worse
want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. it takes all of my energy just to get out of bed and do anything..
Numb. Actually.. I don't know.. I don't know what I'm feeling
