@tokkittalgi
I’m truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you’re facing. It’s incredibly painful when someone close to you reacts to your personal expressions with judgment or fear, especially when those expressions are a way for you to process and cope with your feelings. It’s understandable that such a reaction could deeply impact you and make you feel isolated and misunderstood.
Feeling like a “freak” when you’re already struggling with overwhelming emotions is a heavy burden. It’s important to remind yourself that expressing your feelings through writing and art is a valid and often crucial way of dealing with them. These are personal and private reflections, and they don’t make you any less valuable or worthy of understanding.
Your mom’s reaction, while hurtful, does not define you or your worth. It’s common to feel an intense need for validation and acceptance from those closest to us, and it can be devastating when we don’t receive it. This situation might be contributing to feelings of distress and making you feel more alone in your struggles.
The fear of having more of your personal work exposed is understandably overwhelming. It might help to consider creating a safe space where you can keep your writing and art private, or finding secure ways to store them. This can give you some control over what gets shared and when, and provide a sense of safety in expressing yourself.
Your hope for future autonomy and seeking help on your own terms is a powerful source of strength. It’s encouraging that you’re holding onto the belief that a breakthrough is coming and that you’re envisioning a future where you have the support you need. That hope and determination are important as you navigate this challenging period.
In the meantime, self-care can be a supportive practice. Small actions like creating a routine that brings you comfort, engaging in activities that you find soothing or fulfilling, and even finding small moments of peace can contribute to your well-being. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through these feelings. It’s clear that you’re resilient and resourceful, and those qualities will serve you well as you move forward.
You’re not alone in feeling this way, and your experiences are valid. It’s important to honor your journey and acknowledge the strength you have in facing these challenges.