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tokkittalgi
55 847 M Little Steps 1
disoriented, rotting, confused
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts156 Forum posts47 Forum upvotes108 Current upvotes108 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 26, 2024
Bio
  • šŸ’š heyy :) call me tokki !
  • šŸ¤”Ā senior in high school
  • šŸŒŠ aquariusĀ 
  • šŸŒˆ panromantic + genderfluid (she/he pronouns at the moment; and possibly demisexual?)Ā 
  • šŸ¤¢ living in a toxic household with no way out
  • šŸŽµ fave music: gorillaz, mother mother, muse, the beatles, KoRn, jack stauber, arctic monkeys (and many others)
  • šŸŽØĀ aspiring poet, artist and maybe voice actress ?
  • šŸ§ŸĀ fandoms im in ! (will change as i remember more of em lol): eddsworld, sonic, sanrio, amazing digital circus, sam and max, marvel, game grumps, moominvalley, animal crossing
  • šŸ’” living under a cultural rock
  • šŸ°Ā undiagnosed, but most likely have some form of neurodivergency, among other things (trying not to self-diagnose, but i know there's at least something up-)
  • šŸ“ posting my poems every so often on the poetry community page <3 feel free to check 'em out !












































Recent forum posts
scared of having pgad
Women's Issues / by tokkittalgi
Last post
Friday
...See more //tw: afab genital/sxual health,, if thatā€™s icky to you i suggest you click off now and have a great day <3 this started a day or two ago. like, a weird tingly feeling in my lower area. i know WHAT it means (arousal) but i donā€™t want to go into too much detail. but the thing is, it wouldnā€™t even go away. for anything. like,, sometimes the feeling WOULD go for a bit but then itā€™d come back,, and i wouldnā€™t even be doing anything that would trigger a stimulation response. the feeling just sits there. itā€™s been really distressing. i searched on google for what this could be (i know, probably not the best idea) and i stumbled across the condition of pgad (persistent genital arousal disorder), and to say the least iā€™m panicking. i have NO ONE to talk abt this with. and if i told my mom sheā€™d think im some sort of disgusting shameful dirty person that did this to myself. so now i donā€™t know what to do.Ā 
a mother's love - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
November 11th
...See more i lie awake, feeling my mind, breaking, shaking, fleeting. i hold my head in my hands, denying what i'm seeing. she isn't there, she isn't there, self-soothing taught me true. though to be lived and living all at once, it isn't something i thought i would do. not so soon. a cage without its key isn't easily escaped, so i've learned before. time and time again i've tried, and yet again i have come undone. all of this suffering, to only be told it's out of her love. pleading for pacifism, it is an option long expired. in my bones may be stillness, but in my mind is fire.
the sea of sand - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
November 7th
...See more just a speck, in an open, endless dream. it's restlessly waiting on the coastline of the hourglass beach. with dying hospitality,Ā  the speck pleads to leave it be. let it be, so it pleads, let it be swept in the mindless motions, of rolling over hills and valleys, with no noise, other than the soft breathing; the soft breathing of ignorant relief. the mirage of bliss holds fast to them, as it does to the grand sand sea. but the one little grain that tumbled off the trail now watches them from afar, flowing free.
feeling better, but for how long ?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by tokkittalgi
Last post
Sunday
...See more //tw: intrusive thoughts n such// sometimes i seriously think im getting better again with my intrusive thoughts and such. like, i'll feel totally normal for almost a FULL day. but then i do something simple, literally ANYTHING- like coming across something mildly disturbing without meaning to, getting in an argument with family members, showering/using the bathroom, or go to bed, and... it feels like my brain did a reset, and then i'll be flipping out again over things that already happened/that i cant control all over again. i find it extra hard to keep things at bay in the shower, mainly because in there there's no distractions. its rlly discouraging, especially when i have such vivid moments of just,, almost blissful amounts of normality.Ā 
going through the motions
Depression Support / by tokkittalgi
Last post
November 7th
...See more //heads up: super disorganized wall of words type of vent ahead,, my head doesnt feel clear right now,, reader's discretion advised </3 im so scared i will never find my way out of this awful state of mind. im an outsider among those that're supposed to always be there for me; so they claim, anyway. my mom hates me. she lovebombs me often, and the lows get lower every time. i havent told her that i loved her in around two years. her love means nothing real to me anymore. i dont care if it sounds harsh right now. ive seen her duality and it tells me enough. one wrong move and she could turn against me. my siblings never cared, and they definitely dont seem to care now. i dont even remember the last time we spoke and got along. i feel like the older i get the further i disconnect from everything because i continue to realize how badly im being treated and that i desperately want to get out of here. i know at least on a partial level that this is my fault. im not trying to put all the blame on them for my issues, but theyre certainly NOT helping. i cant talk to anyone about anything without worrying that im going to be taken to some institution against my will; as my mom has threatened a handful of times. i feel like im around the wrong people irl to be dealing with whatever it is im dealing with, and i cant legally distance myself from them yet. anyone who i feel CAN help seem so far away. im getting physical symptoms from the stress, and i just genuinely feel like a zombie. thats the most accurate way i can describe it. i FEEL dead. expired. at the point of no-return.
the highest security prison in the state of mind - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
November 3rd
...See more my mind is full, yet i draw a blank. withering slowly from within, is how i live the rest of my days. how was it this life that i had a hand to create? this is where white noise and calamity lives. it doesn't matter whether i am awake or asleep, i am trapped in this space. im not sure how to feel of this gruesome existence, or how to assure myself of my place. if this is fate, as i suspect time and time again, it must be having a grand time, much to my chagrin. so is the devil, i presume; sliding the beads of the abacus, unrushed whilst awaiting my doom. my head is in his hands, not mine. they fill my head with fear, and my mind follows suit. so the land of limbo is my home. and when i close my eyes, a final time, i fear where i may go.
yipes :D
Anxiety Support / by tokkittalgi
Last post
November 1st
...See more oh boy, U.S. election seasonnn. where do i begin? i hate it. im so sick of all the political ads, too, like bruvvie let me get through this in peace :( its the worst bc when my mom is around and she always has somethin politically charged to say,, or calls me a āœØdevil worshipperāœØ just bc of my own views not alligning with hers. this is a normal thing in my house, but its been a lot worse as of late since its actually election season. also high key worried abt the aftermath,, bc i know my family will have something to say about whoever wins. i just want this to be over already, pleasee-
she and the mirror friends - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
October 31st
...See more //-slight tw for light themes of self h*rm-// mr. mirror, tell me what you see? for never can i see her smiling. no time on her hands, and so her brain stays fried. she speaks to no one, and no one says goodnight. every time that she closes her eyes, she questions if this might be the last time. mirror friends don't make her feel safe. and she hates this skin; but can't look away. fingernails to the flesh, they've gone a little too deep. self-soothing lost its true meaning. she's not the girl that she used to be, but to return to her, she'd give anything.
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