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tokkittalgi
38 724 M Little Steps
disoriented, rotting, confused
PathStep 22 Compassion hearts135 Forum posts41 Forum upvotes94 Current upvotes94 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 26, 2024
Bio
  • šŸ’š heyy :) call me tokki !
  • šŸ¤”Ā senior in high school
  • šŸŒŠ aquariusĀ 
  • šŸŒˆ panromantic + genderfluid (she/he pronouns at the moment; and possibly demisexual?)Ā 
  • šŸ¤¢ living in a toxic household with no way out
  • šŸŽµ fave music: gorillaz, mother mother, muse, the beatles, KoRn, jack stauber, arctic monkeys (and many others)
  • šŸŽØĀ aspiring poet, artist and maybe voice actress ?
  • šŸ§ŸĀ fandoms im in ! (will change as i remember more of em lol): eddsworld, sonic, sanrio, amazing digital circus, sam and max, marvel, game grumps
  • šŸ’” living under a cultural rock
  • šŸ°Ā undiagnosed, but most likely have some form of neurodivergency, among other things (trying not to self-diagnose, but i know there's at least something up-)
  • šŸ“ posting my poems every so often on the poetry community page <3 feel free to check 'em out !
Recent forum posts
going through the motions
Depression Support / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 5 hours ago
...See more //heads up: super disorganized wall of words type of vent ahead,, my head doesnt feel clear right now,, reader's discretion advised </3 im so scared i will never find my way out of this awful state of mind. im an outsider among those that're supposed to always be there for me; so they claim, anyway. my mom hates me. she lovebombs me often, and the lows get lower every time. i havent told her that i loved her in around two years. her love means nothing real to me anymore. i dont care if it sounds harsh right now. ive seen her duality and it tells me enough. one wrong move and she could turn against me. my siblings never cared, and they definitely dont seem to care now. i dont even remember the last time we spoke and got along. i feel like the older i get the further i disconnect from everything because i continue to realize how badly im being treated and that i desperately want to get out of here. i know at least on a partial level that this is my fault. im not trying to put all the blame on them for my issues, but theyre certainly NOT helping. i cant talk to anyone about anything without worrying that im going to be taken to some institution against my will; as my mom has threatened a handful of times. i feel like im around the wrong people irl to be dealing with whatever it is im dealing with, and i cant legally distance myself from them yet. anyone who i feel CAN help seem so far away. im getting physical symptoms from the stress, and i just genuinely feel like a zombie. thats the most accurate way i can describe it. i FEEL dead. expired. at the point of no-return.
the highest security prison in the state of mind - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more my mind is full, yet i draw a blank. withering slowly from within, is how i live the rest of my days. how was it this life that i had a hand to create? this is where white noise and calamity lives. it doesn't matter whether i am awake or asleep, i am trapped in this space. im not sure how to feel of this gruesome existence, or how to assure myself of my place. if this is fate, as i suspect time and time again, it must be having a grand time, much to my chagrin. so is the devil, i presume; sliding the beads of the abacus, unrushed whilst awaiting my doom. my head is in his hands, not mine. they fill my head with fear, and my mind follows suit. so the land of limbo is my home. and when i close my eyes, a final time, i fear where i may go.
yipes :D
Anxiety Support / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 Friday
...See more oh boy, U.S. election seasonnn. where do i begin? i hate it. im so sick of all the political ads, too, like bruvvie let me get through this in peace :( its the worst bc when my mom is around and she always has somethin politically charged to say,, or calls me a āœØdevil worshipperāœØ just bc of my own views not alligning with hers. this is a normal thing in my house, but its been a lot worse as of late since its actually election season. also high key worried abt the aftermath,, bc i know my family will have something to say about whoever wins. i just want this to be over already, pleasee-
she and the mirror friends - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 Thursday
...See more //-slight tw for light themes of self h*rm-// mr. mirror, tell me what you see? for never can i see her smiling. no time on her hands, and so her brain stays fried. she speaks to no one, and no one says goodnight. every time that she closes her eyes, she questions if this might be the last time. mirror friends don't make her feel safe. and she hates this skin; but can't look away. fingernails to the flesh, they've gone a little too deep. self-soothing lost its true meaning. she's not the girl that she used to be, but to return to her, she'd give anything.
the grand revolving door of gilded promise - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 October 28th
...See more where was i just before i passed through the door? i was in a beautiful place, embraced by the ignorant bliss of youth. my mind has since birthed a protective fog, holding fast to purity as it fades. i can feel it getting warmer. louder. muddled. it seeps through my ears, the corruption, my cheeks burn, should i even bother to continue? honestyā€™s for the weak, so iā€™ll say iā€™m fine. my eyes force themselves shut. guilt holds me by the throat. i want to go home, but i already am. iā€™m already here, and this is home. "you're an ingrate", im told. yet this isnā€™t it, i know. i donā€™t want to see this through anymore. i no longer want to be. carve the eyes, and out with the mouth, if my words arenā€™t enough to believe. for what i become as i speak, is to what i'm fated. the trusted among the light rejoice. and thereā€™s no comfort in staying, where i have no voice. so i return to my place, where i was not long before; just a turn around the revolving door.
to the isle of cloud nine - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 October 26th
...See more i can't get there yet,Ā  but i'm on my way soon. i can't tell you when i'll be there, but maybe by then, you'll be there, too.Ā  my heart beats bleakly, but for you it sings. my mind is silent, though for you, it's racing. i'm scared of change, and changing, too. but you've shown me the way, and that it's alright to do. where are we going? who will we become? will you still be you? will i still be me? don't take it in strife, there's plenty of us both to still be.Ā  just close your eyes. feel the clouds wash over you. at last, the chains come undone, and we'll finally get back on our feet. but for now, we're here, and that's alright. just know that someday, we'll run from this cave, then onto a plane,Ā  disappearing high into the sky.
doll's dilemma - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 October 24th
...See more somewhere there's a doll, sitting on an upper shelf. snowy with dust, of questionable quality, but otherwise holding up well. others, like her, sat up there. though there was nothing for them to do, but to sit, wait, and stare. they were a ragtag crew, some drawn on, headless, bit or chewed. so sometimes they'd gather and sit, to tell tales of what they've been through. some have seen horrors beyond your years, and some have seen wonders beyond your dreams. but one thing is for certain; the same story twice, you'll never hear. and you might even grow a little wiser, if you were to lend them an ear.
there she goes again - poem
Poetry / by tokkittalgi
Last post
 October 23rd
...See more have you ever seen her? she never sports a smile. some would like to say, she won't be here awhile. "happier people live longer", they'll tell you all day. but what if she were to smile, in her own special way? pen to paper bliss, a night under the sheets. an afternoon alone, is the solace of she.Ā  we live in a world of constant clatter. so why should it matter; that there she goes again, against the chatter?
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