This pattern is getting annoying

@AnarchyFox what are these thoughts? I'd love to know.

Sorry it turned out to be a paragraph reply lol.

Well I remember once my friend was going through a really hard time, and I thought to not be all depressed and crazy and to stay happy for them and for everyone else so as to lift their spirits and since they were in a rough time, it made me realize everyone is going through their own problems, and I should be grateful that I haven’t had anything drastic like a death in the family, or something, and that I needed to stop thinking about myself so negatively.

Then I remember another occasion where I was just really lost, thinking about life and feeling like nothing really mattered. I was being all dramatic, laying on the floor staring at the ceiling while music played. Then a electronic instrumental song came on that I remembered from when I was a kid. It made me think of a time when I was really happy I guess, when I was playing Minecraft with friends and they kept messing with my creation, and I realized it’s just a game and to not take it so seriously. So I thought I shouldn’t take life so seriously. And that thinking made me happy for a while before fading again lol.

Recently I felt like I didn’t really have a dream, a motivation to get through life, so I gave myself motivation. Motivation to learn to draw better, to do 3D modeling, to maybe start a garden in the summer, stuff like that. I was going strong for a while till recently. But that’s ok. I’ll keep going, it just gets irritating going back and forth between really happy and really sad.

Ive had more thoughts, but those are the ones I remember most.

How have things been going for you?@AnarchyFox

Everything's ok! I was feeling pretty unmotivated for a good while. Was going through the days like a zombie with out any thoughts (not even negative), just feeling sad. But! I got out of the house, started listening to music again, and I’ve gained motivation to draw and keep doing creative things again. Glad I was able to pull myself out of that. Hoping I can keep going like this for a while lol.

Sorry that it looks like I just posted the same thing lower in the thread.

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better. Those bad moments can come out of nowhere and it is such a relief when they pass. @AnarchyFox

lol, all good. Thank you for the kind words! It really is a relief when those moments do pass

@AnarchyFox I'd love to know what these thoughts are

It is good that you can see the pattern. One thing to watch out for that may help - are the down periods any shorter than when you first started the journey? I know with me that it was a while before I realized that yes I was still having really bad periods that hurt just as much as when I first began, but those periods were just slightly shorter. That is my hope for you.@AnarchyFox

I haven’t really thought about it, but now that I think of it I guess maybe they are getting a bit shorter each time. I plan to start journaling, so maybe I’ll be able to keep better track on that.

@AnarchyFox

I am in the same place as you. I haven't been here very long but I'm finding it's helpful because they're actually is always someone to talk to but in this venue it's fairly short which is what I need most of the time so I'm not focusing on venting and then also being here makes me want to help other people who are struggling which takes my mind off my own struggling. Best wishes. So far I'm here a lot if you want to talk and there is some way to get a listener I'm just not sure how.

Your brain doesn't want to admit that you are improving in any way because the pain is so great. But slowly but surely you are pulling yourself out of the hole with *** knees. @AnarchyFox

How have things been?@AnarchyFox

@AnarchyFox Sounds familiar. I think that we humans expect to find the perfect wave and surf it forever or at least paddle out and catch another perfect wave and have very little disruption in our mood. I also think we are designed to be happy temporarily. If we were chill all the time we just wouldn’t invent new stuff. So my suggestion to you is to embrace this pattern. I don’t mean that you should suck it up and just decide you’re going to feel bad. But on the other hand, expect low tide. There are other things to do beside surfing awesome waves. The challenge for all of us is to learn what else we can do to make ourselves and others happy or at least ok at low tide. Sorry for the surfing analogy…

@AnarchyFox i really understand your situation. It's normal to feel this way. Everyone will face up and down but you have the courage to get up and be positive that's was amazing to hear from you. You are very positive person to overcome your life. It's ok to feel sad but you can able to get back again again win the life. Be positive don't give up you can do what you think.