Stuck on the hamster wheel
Every day, every week, I keep telling myself "You just need to hold on til you can be away from this long enough to get proper rest and figure out what to do." The thing is, when is that? I feel like I need an extended vacation in order to even BEGIN to get back up and get out of this hole. Can't really do that, I only have like one PTO day left at work right now. Weekends aren't long enough. *** the one week I was sick back to back with the week of a planned vacation wasn't enough. I've only been worse since then. There's a particular person at work who, whenever he's there it heightens my feelings of worthlessness and makes me want to do the thing you're not allowed to say here. It's not really his fault I don't think. It's just an unfortunate situation. But I have to escape somehow. I can't keep getting in my car at the end of the day and sob at the charred remains that my life has become. But I can't quit yet, it would REALLY ruin my life FOR SURE if I quit right now. I'm stuck "holding on" every week for at least another 6 months. I don't think I can do this for that long though...
@Phthalo
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and trapped in your current situation. It's understandable that you feel like you need a break and some time to rest and figure things out. It's important to take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being, but I understand that it can be difficult to find the time and resources to do so. Perhaps there are small ways you can take care of yourself in the meantime, like setting aside time each day to do something that brings you joy or finding a support system you can talk to. Remember that things will get better, and you are strong enough to make it through this difficult period. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen.
That sounds so tough, especially with the coworker.
Is there anything that you can do at work itself to get brief breaks? Do you go outside for lunch for example?
I know when I get in desperate need of a vacation, I have to start focusing on every little spare moment that I get away (even watching Netflix for an hour) as a vacation of sorts. @Phthalo
@bestVase7265 I eat in my car which is fine but it's so brief. It's the slow season so I've had a lot of time with nothing to do, I've been walking laps or, as of yesterday, staring off and shutting my brain off. I feel like the latter could become a bad coping thing if I do it too much but it's sort of like going to sleep which helps. It got aforementioned person to ask if I'm ok, but I'm a coward so I didn't just flat out say "no"
I might need to just go ahead and buy a house so that whatever my job situation turns out to be, I don't have to wait at minimum another 2 years to qualify. If I have to keep kicking THAT can down the road...hoo boy...
You are doing some great things. You just need to start recognizing them as such. Walking and eating in your car both get you away. Focus on looking at nature and really tasting what you are eating. Those kinds of things help your brain to have a break from the office itself. Staring off into space for brief intervals also isn't a bad thing. You could even try a little deep breathing at those times. You just have to train your brain to not say "that is too short" and say instead "at least I got that little break and it is going to help."@Phthalo