Stuck on the hamster wheel

@Phthalo

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and trapped in your current situation. It's understandable that you feel like you need a break and some time to rest and figure things out. It's important to take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being, but I understand that it can be difficult to find the time and resources to do so. Perhaps there are small ways you can take care of yourself in the meantime, like setting aside time each day to do something that brings you joy or finding a support system you can talk to. Remember that things will get better, and you are strong enough to make it through this difficult period. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen.

That sounds so tough, especially with the coworker.

Is there anything that you can do at work itself to get brief breaks? Do you go outside for lunch for example?

I know when I get in desperate need of a vacation, I have to start focusing on every little spare moment that I get away (even watching Netflix for an hour) as a vacation of sorts. @Phthalo

@bestVase7265 I eat in my car which is fine but it's so brief. It's the slow season so I've had a lot of time with nothing to do, I've been walking laps or, as of yesterday, staring off and shutting my brain off. I feel like the latter could become a bad coping thing if I do it too much but it's sort of like going to sleep which helps. It got aforementioned person to ask if I'm ok, but I'm a coward so I didn't just flat out say "no"

I might need to just go ahead and buy a house so that whatever my job situation turns out to be, I don't have to wait at minimum another 2 years to qualify. If I have to keep kicking THAT can down the road...hoo boy...

You are doing some great things. You just need to start recognizing them as such. Walking and eating in your car both get you away. Focus on looking at nature and really tasting what you are eating. Those kinds of things help your brain to have a break from the office itself. Staring off into space for brief intervals also isn't a bad thing. You could even try a little deep breathing at those times. You just have to train your brain to not say "that is too short" and say instead "at least I got that little break and it is going to help."@Phthalo