Our Daily Thread
I'm feeling really sad about Mama's passing today. Lots of crying and my heart racing. I wish I didn't have so much to do this week so I could just lay down and take a break. I feel bad that I couldn't afford a memorial service for my mom. Just the cremation, which was her wish. My Aunt who came with me to view Mama at the funeral home yesterday said she would talk to the rest of the family and see about coming up with the money to have one. Still...I would feel bad that I couldn't come up with the money.
@bestVase7265 how was your day?
P.S. My daughter made banana bread that she didn't like in her kids baking class today and she was complaining that the class is boring. It's so hard to please her. I tried to sign her up for something fun for the summer and I guess it isn't good enough. She said no to soccer and other suggestions.
I told her that since the class was a bunch of seniors, I didn't want to ask leading questions but wanted them to develop their own ideas. This response set her off even though I wasn't mean in how I responded.
She decided that I was out to get her and was causing her horrible panic attacks. She began complaining to all my bosses to get out of my class. However, she won't sit down and talk to me about it, even if other people are in the room.
I pride myself on being really kind and responsive to students so this has been devastating. To be accused of causing someone else extreme pain brings me to tears because of knowing the pain of my own issues. And I hate the idea of getting a poor reputation with people.
So far my bosses are defending me and I think they will continue to do so. But it will be a while before all of this blows over. Thus I am having trouble sleeping and working.
Oh Vase, I am so sorry you have to deal with this 😔 You are such a kind soul and it sounds like this student is trying to blame you for their inadequacies. Sometimes the people we like turn out to be different than we thought. Your bosses, most likely, have dealt with grading complaints many times before so don't worry about your reputation. Do not let this student affect your sleep or mood! I know...easier said than done. I'd probably feel the same way. Then I'd sit down and think about it with my head instead of my heart. The student was supposed to come up with their own ideas and failed to do so, so you had to do the right thing and give them the honest grade despite liking them. You did not do anything wrong. You're doing your job the best you can and please remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect.
You sound like you're stressing lately; that work is the cause of it. Have you talked to your therapist lately? I don't want what happened to me to happen to you (psychotic break/nervous breakdown). Pay attention to your warning signs; trouble sleeping, trouble eating/overeating, panic attacks, high blood pressure, irritability/mood swings ect... I learned this in the psych ward. That when I get to my warning signs, I need to reach out for help before things get worse.
I know I don't know you personally, but I can tell that you are a good samaritan, caring instructor and family oriented person. You're doing a lot in life. Don't forget to take care of you too.
I just re-read your messages again and it really upsets me that this student is going to great lengths to tear you down. You don't deserve that. She just sounds foolish though and if your bosses have your back then they already see through the facade as well.
Being an instructor/professor/teacher sounds like a challenging job. Perhaps in good AND bad ways at times. This is just one of those bad times. Won't last.
My profession is very naturally a stressful one. It is one where we all absorb and absorb and give and give without leaving much room for ourselves.
Yes, I am very aware of the dangers of it. I make sure that I have plenty of outlets and I am much stronger than I was before. A few days of not sleeping isn't going to lead to a psychotic break. A few months possibly would. I have an appointment in two days (my every six week check up) to talk with my therapist. This is the very reason that I am not going to abandon therapy. I don't need it often anymore, but that room to vent is quite critical because of the stress of what I do.
So tonight hopefully I can rest where I didn't last night. The student formally requested a semester extension today. She isn't going to probably like the terms that I offered her which will force her to eventually meet with me. But I can live with that.
Thanks for the support.
Oh yes, of course...a few nights of sleepless nights won't hurt. For me, it took a week of sleepless nights and not hardly eating to have the psychotic break.
I am a little sad tonight as the second time in a row of trying to befriend a man has failed. I've enjoyed talking to him for 2 months and he wants to keep it professional. Sigh...
I would be sad too. It can take a while to find the right relationship. But you will find it eventually.
I am very tired after a long day with tons of back and forth in terms of emotions. But I am surviving. We will see what tomorrow brings.@SweetPea321
Jasmine has her friend spending 2 nights in a row this weekend so I probably won't be on. Take care, Vase 🤗
I hope that you have had a beautiful weekend filled with laughter. @SweetPea321
It is great that you have the kid over even if you don't like the mom. I bet that he is really appreciative because he may not get that kind of love at home. Your daughter is really blossoming. I know that she struggled a bit with friendships earlier. She is opening up.
The saga with my student continues but I am trying to move it forward slowly. She has to make a decision about what kind of incomplete that she wants in my class. I am trying to get her back into the classroom and am going to insist on a meeting in the spring if she doesn't do one now. I deserve a chance to defend and explain myself. My own therapist basically said that her anxiety doesn't give her the right to bully me.
There are another few angles that are emerging out of this. We will see how they evolve. Right now I need to focus on teaching and grading for the next two days until I finally get some time off for Thanksgiving.
Hi Vase. I hope you're having a good holiday break. I meant to message you before I left town. I'll be back on Sunday sometime. We're having a great time at my stepmom's and Thanksgiving meal at my step niece's place was great!
I also agree with your therapist about her anxiety is not an excuse to bully you.
I am so glad that you had a lovely Thanksgiving. We had a good one as well. It wasn't really a break in terms of work, but it was quite nice to enjoy the family and the food. My parents also did okay and didn't collapse from all the busyness of lots of people and conversation. I just squeezed work in where I could. Tomorrow will be back to a more normal schedule. @SweetPea321
It's good to be home. The neighbor boy is already over to our house, but I guess he missed us. He's all by himself while his mama works the graveyard shift. They didn't celebrate Thanksgiving because she had to work. I told him he's invited to our place for Christmas dinner and tomorrow I'm gonna get him a birthday card and put some money in it. Tomorrow I'll be Christmas shopping since there will be good deals on the things I wanna buy for the kids. I don't feel like putting up the tree, but I'll do that sometime this week. I'm washing some laundry right now and about to jump in the shower to wash my hair. Tomorrow morning the boy will be riding with us to school in the morning. He'll be spending the night this weekend too I guess.
How are you tonight?
It sounds like you are being quite kind to your neighbor. I am sure that he and his mom appreciate it and it is always a great feeling to help others.
I won't have my tree up or do my decorating for a while yet. I do it in lots of short bursts in between everything else.
The weekend has been a bit tough with school work but I am hoping actually being back at work will make things easier. @SweetPea321
I'm frustrated right now. Been waiting all day for this monet to deposit into my account so I can Christmas shop for Cyber Monday and there's a delay. I hope the sales are still on tomorrow. Plus the neighbor is coming over and I won't have his birthday card now 😔 Ugh! I hate waiting for money.
I think that it posted just fine. I hope that you eventually got your money okay or that you are able to shop tomorrow.
When my kids were little (actually even now) I would have them draw cards. People like the sentiment just as much and I bet your daughter might enjoy coloring a picture for her friend. And all it costs is a piece of paper and some crayons or markers.
I got my money today and was able to get all the Christmas gifts on sale still, so that was great. The neighbor boy liked his money card. I feel good. Christmas shopping is done. I even got a Swarovski necklace and earrings for myself. I was busy running errands and shopping all day long, although the majority of my shopping was online. I still bought regular stuff too, like a Swiffer Power Mop. I'm hoping that that will be easier on thee ol back and I found some slip on sneakers for my youngest daughter. Tomorrow I can relax more. Study at home and work on school. I'm looking forward to Janurary when my eldest will come with her boyfriend to stay for a few days. I met him at Thanksgiving and he seems like a gentle soul. They've been dating for 2 plus years now. I'm glad she's happy. Maybe I'll put the tree up tomorrow or Thursday.
Once again, it's not showing my posted message. Hopefully you'll see it on your end. Have a blessed night, 🤗
That is really odd. It shows just fine from my end.
I am glad that your holiday prep is going well. I haven't had time to do much of mine. Lots of crazy stress and I am completely overwhelmed. I thought today would be better but it wasn't. Maybe tomorrow. @SweetPea321
Aww, sorry to hear that you're having stress. The holidays cab be stressful. I haven't been on because we've had the neighbor over every night. He's spending the night tonight because it's his birthday. Right now we're waiting fir him to get back from his karate lesson. I have 10 helium balloons, pizza, cheesy bread, and some cake for him. Got the air mattress set up with bedding on it so he'll be cozy.
Tomorrow morning I'll take the kids out for a McDonald's breakfast since I didn't go grocery shopping yet. I hope you can find some peace during these stressful holidays.
I will admit that things are pretty bad for me at this point. It is a bit too much too explain in detail, but between extremely nasty student issues in both my classes that have me questioning my abilities in the classroom, the normal stress of the end of the semester and the holidays, and my aunt dying on my birthday, I am pretty well done. I have calls into all the people that I need to for now, I think. I have also been very honest (perhaps too honest) with students and coworkers. But I am hoping that the suicidal ideation and the self-harm ideation start fading soon and things get a little better.
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your aunt's passing. May she rest in peace 🙏 and sorry that it happened on your birthday (the celebration of your life) of all days. Second, I'll be praying for you tonight to get past the suicide and self harm ideation. I'd hate to think of you suffering. Please give yourself whatever self care (not harm) that you can think of. Try replacing those thoughts with that. What can you do to improve your situation? Any little thing even to bring peace.
I haven't been on because we've had the neighbor boy over constantly and today I had to tell him I'm not feeling well (I have my period) so I could have a quiet night at home. I think I'll have to set some boundaries, like leave at 7pm on school nights and not come over every day. I can't afford to feed him all the time too.
Back to you though...try not to stress. It does no good anyway. What will be will be. You have a husband and kids to live for. You don't have to be liked by every single student at the school. That's fine. I have a saying that goes, "I'm perfectly fine with not everyone in the world liking me." You're doing your best and so many would love to have your wonderful life. That's what I tell myself anyway. I give myself pep talks 😄
You are an intelligent and kind lady and you will persevere!
Doing just a little better, but things still aren't really resolved. I am dealing with a constant headache and I am not sleeping well.
I wish that I could get it all to resolve easily, but it is just going to take time. The issue with my one class really can't be resolved so I am trying to just let time heal. I will have an emergency therapy appointment tomorrow to try to get things more settled.
The regular stresses are also really hard.
Glad to hear that you are setting some good boundaries.@SweetPea321
Well the neighbor boy just left and I had to tell him that we won't be having company tomorrow so I can get a break. How did your therapy session go? Do you feel better after having a talk? I had my last talk therapy session and also my last physical therapy session. I will miss my physical therapist most of all because it was like talking with a friend and there was attraction there. He was such a nice gentleman and funny too. It's a shame we can't be friends outside of therapy. I know he liked me. So I've been feeling sad about that since yesterday.
I think you're right about time. As time passes, things will get better. I hope I run into my PT again someday. He's actually moving to my neighborhood, right down the block.
I am glad that you were able to set some boundaries with the neighbor. That can be really critical. It would be nice to suddenly see your PT again someday.
I will admit that I am still in pretty bad shape. The therapy session helped a little, but I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I had a particularly rough day on Thursday where a student spent about 45 minutes verbally attacking me. This was after my therapist basically told me not to let her bully me just because she is mentally ill. I failed at that. So I am feeling pretty rotten about myself and my ability to do my job. But classes themselves are finally over and I am just left with a giant pile of grading. Thus I am hoping to find a way to healing in the next few weeks. But today has been a day of depression and headaches.@SweetPea321
I'm sorry you're not doing well. I'm suddenly not doing well either. I just submitted my stupid power point final project for my Pharmacy class and I don't feel good about it. I may fail and I told everybody that I'll be starting my internship in January. Might not get to. So stressed out.
If it isn't quite good enough, then you can try again. You will find a path. You also don't know until you get the grade. You might do better than you think. Until then, trust yourself.
It has been another rough one for me. The long-term crash is really hard.
I missed you tonight, but I'm not feeling well. Head and throat hurts, plus I've been wheezy since yesterday. Here we go again with the respiratory crap, I guess.
I guess the worst part is waiting to see if I pass or fail. I'm preparing myself for bad news and hoping for good news. Had to tell the neighbor boy that we're having no company tonight because I'm sick. I was just sitting here thinking about how unlucky in love I am. Meet someone great, yet can't be together because he could lose his license, (my physical therapist). Then before that my guy at the breakfast place who didn't contact me after I slipped him my info. I did have him grinning the biggest grin the other day when I told him I could be his Pooh Bear, since his name is Christopher, like Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh. He still gives me the flirty eyes and smile. I don't get it. Maybe he just likes the attention. Then before that met a guy from a dating site who I really clicked with who ended up being married. Just not lucky in love. Then I was married to a man who didn't love me, but only married me because i was pregnant. I'm getting older and I wanna spend as much time with my soul mate as possible. I hope God has someone for me.
At least the semester is over. Hopefully you can close the chapter on some of that bad stuff you were going through.
Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well. That makes everything else hit harder. You haven't been lucky in love yet, but sometimes the right person just falls into your lap. It doesn't always happen when you are looking for it. For me, I just took a chance on one date but I wasn't really looking for someone. And in a way you have been lucky in love in that you have two beautiful daughters to love. Love takes many forms. Keep reaching out and trying new things. There will be someone out there.
Yes, you are right that the semester should be over eventually. I am trying to keep my head down and grade tons while doing all of the Christmas stuff. Tomorrow I have to give my final exam. @SweetPea321
Thanks, Vase. I feel horrible. Chest hurts, wheezing, tired, and for some odd reason my lower back hurts (that's new). I'm still waiting to find out my grade. This is so nerve-wracking. I just want to know if I'll be able to start my internship in January or not. God, I hope I pass!
I have been lucky in love as far as my children go. Thankful to have them in my life. They are my greatest joy. Still though...I am a hopeless romantic. I'm going to give my physical therapist a thank you card tomorrow. I plan on just popping in and dropping it off with the lady at the front desk. I already miss him. Why did I have to meet such a nice, handsome gentleman that I can't have? It's like God is teasing me.
Anyway...I give up! I'm not even gonna smile at any guy anymore. Just gonna be Ms. Grinch lol.
I really hope I don't suffer respiratory illness for months on end again. I hope I don't get pneumonia again. I hate wheezing. The doctors here don't take my suffering seriously. They check my oxygen and tell me I'm ok and then I go on and wheeze.
How are you doing today?
Sorry about the wheezing. That isn't fun. I hope that it will go away more quickly this time.
As far as the love thing goes, keep looking in better places. Maybe you could find someone at church. Or maybe there is some kind of club that you might be able to join.
I know that the waiting on information about your exam is hard because you want to know what January looks like. I am also in a holding pattern with my own job for January because I was asked to apply for something and the application period won't even close until early January. It means that I have no idea whether I will be teaching a course in February. It might get cancelled and I already have 20 students signed up. I think it is part of the reason that I am struggling mentally because I hate not knowing. But sometimes you have no choice but to wait. @SweetPea321
I just called the school and they told me that the instructors have until midnight on the 19th to finish grading. I guess I just have to be patient as usual. I guess you're waiting for some information as well. Good luck with your outcome. (Me too!)
It's only about 1 o'clock here, but I felt like writing. The neighbor boy hasn't been over for a few days, since I told him I was sick. That's nice of him to give me time. Tomorrow is my payday so I'm looking forward to that.
Yes, the 19th sounds just about right. My grades are due on the 21st and I am going to need every minute. Remind yourself that you want to give your graders time to grade and think about what they are doing. Rushed grading isn't good grading. I make sure that with mine that I break every assignment that I have to grade into multiple chunks so I grade quite slowly. If I rush then I stop paying attention.
I will also be waiting for my news until at least the 1st or 2nd week in January. It is what it is.
I am glad that you have been able to rest a bit more.
I did think of you and all of the grading work instructors have to do while I was waiting. I just checked and found out that I have an A in my Pharmacy Principles and Practices course. I'm so relieved!! I can't believe I got an A though. I don't feel like my final capstone project was that good. Just so happy right now, Vase!! I asked God for my academic goal to be granted.
I'm still really sick, but I finally got my nebs and prednisone yesterday so I'm finally taking something.
Life is good today! 👍
That is awesome! I knew that you could do it. What a great result. You are better at this than you think. Now you can go into the holidays which a much lighter heart and feeling better too. @SweetPea321
Thanks, bestVase! You always offer great words of encouragement. And now how are you doing?
I'm still sick, by the way! On Prednisone (corticosteroid) and taking nebs. Getting somewhat better though. Just really drained of energy. My daughter has been home from school for 2 days. Yesterday I kept her home and today the school sent her home. Even the neighbor is sick I guess. We saw him leaving school with a mask on too. Jasmine doesn't have the respiratory stuff like me though. Just a stomach bug.
Sorry that you are still struggling with the breathing part of things. That can really drain your energy. It is just the kind of things that you have to be really patient with.
I am ok, still not great. It comes in waves about once a day. When it will exactly hit and why are sometimes a little mysterious. Right now some of it is probably just adjusting to the pace of the holiday season starting to slow down a bit as I finish grading. Hopefully things will be better once I actually finish grading tomorrow. My psychiatrist considers me some giant success story, but some days I certainly don't feel like one. @SweetPea321
My therapist considered me a success story at the end of our last session as well. I won't be far from her as the pharmacy I'm interning at is within the mental health center. So we'll see each other in passing. Isn't hat kind of funny?
Sorry you're not feeling on right now. It'll get better, perhaps, after the holidays pass. Then you may be able to relax better.
I woke up at 3ish and couldn't go back to sleep. Then I slept whole she was in school. I suppose I won't sleep again tonight. It's harder to breathe when laying down and I don't want to sleep in the chair just yet.
It sounds like you have a great spot for your internship. I know that you are excited. Sorry about the not sleeping. Hopefully tonight will still go okay.
I am a bit better tonight. I am just trying to make sure that I fill my time up okay.
Merry belated Christmas, bestVase! I hope you had a good time with your family. I'm still sick. Can't get over this cold. Tired all the time. Sick of the neighbor boy coming over every day and having my daughter home all day. I'm looking forward to January 2nd when the kids go back to school so I can get a break.
The holidays can be really hard in terms of having kids and their chaos around all the time, especially if you are sick. I hope that you are feeling a bit better today. January 2nd is coming, but the week between Christmas and New Year's always feels a bit longer than other weeks. If you are up to it, try to break things up a bit tomorrow with something different - maybe playing a board game or getting outside briefly if it is warm enough. Sending strength and peace. @SweetPea321
So good to see you @bestVase7265 🤗 I finally went to the doctor today after I almost passed out in Walmart and I have Covid. They didn't give me any medicine. Something about the window being closed for meds because of the length of time I've been sick. No wonder I have no energy and tired all the time. I put a sign on the door for the neighbor boy and today has been the first day without company, Thank God.
How are you and how was your Christmas?
Happy New Year!!
So sorry to hear, but at least you know now. Hopefully you can now get the rest that you need to recover.
Sending peace into the new year!@SweetPea321
Thank you. Today the neighbor knocked on my door despite having a sign that said no company. I have Covid. His mom gave him Lysol and shoved him off on me. I allowed him in for 2 hours as I had the feeling that he needed somewhere to go while she did something. Kind of weird how nobody cares that I have Covid and need my rest. I went upstairs while the kids played downstairs and he left soon after anyway since he comes over more for my company than my daughter's.
Tomorrow they go back to school (yay!). I can't wait to be alone.
So sorry that he showed up anyway. His mother sounds horrible in terms of caring about her own kid (or anyone besides herself).
School will hopefully help you. Maybe some more sleep will really make a difference. The new year is going to get better soon.
Yeah she smokes weed in there and he has asthma. I think he has a little crush on me as he told me I looked cute yesterday. And he's here rn so I'll be back later.
Sending peace! @SweetPea321
Thank you, Vase 🤗 Gosh, I'm so sick of kids. Everyday one of my daughter's friends is over and they can't seem to play without me. I'm getting tired of entertaining. I need some space. I'm putting my foot down tomorrow...no visitors! I just brought Nora home and she wanted to spend the night bit I need a break plus I can't afford to feed other people's kids all the time.
I've also been busy on social media and I bought a domain name so I'll be working on my website in my spare time. I'd mention it, but I know that's not allowed on here and also don't think you would approve of its risqué content. I need to make extra money and it's an easy way to do so. My parents wouldn't be proud, but they are gone now.
How are you doing now?
I would set up a "no visitors" day twice a week at a bare minimum. One of them should be on the weekend, every weekend. You do deserve some rest. You are right about the cost both in actual money and in time and energy.
I am glad that you are setting up a website. The content should be up to you and that is fine with me. Sexuality isn't something bad. It is good that you are doing something that you enjoy and that is what matters. @SweetPea321
Thanks for being open minded, Vase. Perhaps I pre-judged you. Just because you go to church doesn't mean that you would condemn me for doing OnlyFans. I don't sleep around and my content isn't as hard-core as others. I don't have a relationship. Won't have one anytime soon. And there is another reason that holds me back from having a relationship but I'm not ready to talk about that. I want to express l myself creatively and know that I'm still sexy and attractive.
I think you're right about the twice a week no visitors days. I need the break both physically and financially.