My brother noticed I'm not happy
We're both adults and I helped raise him so we're very close. Yesterday he told me he knows I'm not happy and I haven't been happy in a long time. I did not know he knew this, because normally I'm bubbly around others. It felt like a knife in my gut, that he was able to see me like that.
He's right. I'm not happy and I haven't been in a long time. In fact, I'm incredibly depressed and have had intrusive thoughts occasionally. But I didn't share that part with him.
He thinks my job is making me unhappy. It's my relationship with my husband actually. My husband gets angry a lot. I can't talk to my husband, because he gets angry. If I ask him for help, he gets angry. If I am sick, he gets angry. If I want to have a chat, he gets angry. If I ask if we can go do something together, he gets angry. If I ask if he's fed the dog, he gets angry. But I can't tell this to my brother, because my brother thinks I'm still strong and can get myself out of this situation. I'm not strong right now. I'm tired and drained from being on my toes all the time.
I'm constantly in fight or flight mode.
How can I be happy with that?