Kids make me sad
I've probably already posted about this, but working with kids and middle schoolers sends me into a bit of a spiral.
I picture them and I'm like "Oh, no. The world isn't kind. This might be the last time you are simply happy, kid, before your life shatters and you'll never get that happiness back and you have no idea what you have right now until you grow up and it is ruined. You're on a brink of a black hole and you don't even know it. And there's nothing I can do to save you. There's nothing I can do to stop you from realizing that your adult idols aren't gods and they can't always protect you, from discovering sex and feeling quietly ashamed, from realizing how screwed up society is, from wrestling with existence. Some of you will die by your own hand, become addicted to something, spiral into mental disorders, get into abusive relationships- and there's nothing anyone can do to protect you. This world is insane. I couldn't save myself and none of you can save yourselves from the suffering you don't know is coming either and it seems like life is just a relentless slide into a black hole that you can't stop and you can't save anyone else from. And I'm so sorry for you and myself and all of humanity."
Is this the depression talking? Yeah. I tried to explain these feelings to my friend and she laughed at me and said those were the same thoughts she had as a dumb depressed 8th grader, so I guess my angst is laughable and immature. But, it doesn't help that I'm face to face with these kids every week and I'm just reminded of these thoughts over and over again and it's debilitating- this feeling of doom and futility, like life is this absurd tragedy.
Does anyone else relate to this?
@determinedSea4370 Their path isn’t your responsibility. The world puts way too much responsibility on teachers’ shoulders. Be their role model, be their parent, buy them supplies, keep them from drugs, don’t let them read the wrong books, keep them from having sex, protect them in a firefight, oh and make sure they graduate to become brilliant people with high paying powerful careers. Do all that on a pauper’s salary, work 90 hours a week.
@PineTreeTree
I hadn't realized anyone had replied! Weird that 7cups didn't alert me. Thank you for taking the time to reply. You are very right and reading this actually made me smile a little because it is absurd, isn't it? Teachers are held to insanely high standards in general, but the thing is, I work at a supportive small private school- the principle tells me the most he wants from me this year is just to keep the kids safe and busy and the office staff all encourage me to leave by 4pm. No one is expecting me to be a super hero and I get lots of compliments. The problem is me and my own standards. I'm not sure how to fix that- I guess I'll keep going to therapy and get on meds so I can function better than I currently am.
