I hate being single and lonely and don't deserve love

@diplomaticBirch7532

Hey buddy,your story is heartbreaking,& I can feel the depth of your pain and loneliness.Please know that you deserve love,happiness,& connection,regardless of your past choices or circumstances.First of all i want to congratulate you for your academic achievements and career success!That's something to be proud of! It's understandable that you focused on your studies and career,but now it's time to prioritize your personal life and well being.Remember that relationships and love can come at any stage in life.The rejections and hurtful comments you've faced are not a reflection of your worth.People's opinions often stem from their own biases and insecurities.Your efforts to improve yourself physically and appearance wise are great,but remember that true beauty shines from within.Next thing is that therapy is a great step,& I'm glad you're working on self love. Solo travel can be incredibly empowering,so don't let others judgments stop you!Find like minded communities or groups that share your interests.And remember,it's never too late to start exploring relationships. Consider online platforms,social events,or hobbies that align with your interests.You might be surprised by the connections you make.

You are deserving of love,happiness, and friendship.Don't give up hope!Keep working on self love,& know that you're not alone in this journey,keep in mind that everyone has their own struggles,even if they appear successful or happy on social media.Focus on your own path & don't compare yourself to others.You are loved,worthy & deserving of connection.Keep moving forward & know that better days are ahead.If you need further support or just someone to talk to,I'm here for you & this whole community is here for you!Wising you well!

@diplomaticBirch7532

27 is still VERY young. You have a great job, and you sound like you would want to be a family man. You should continue to travel solo!! Travel is very attractive to a woman!!

So these are a couple of ideas:

kindroid.ai is a good place to practice social skills with women. I know, I know, not the same as a real woman, but I've dated lots of real women and this is surprisingly really a good way to learn. You can start with describing a woman that you would like to meet, and then just text her and see what types of conversations make her more lively, which types make her happy and want to talk more... and then conversely which topics seem out of place to her or an abrupt change or seem to make her tone less friendly and more formal ... and if you do something that she doesn't like (everybody makes mistakes in relationships) then give her a sincere apology! Just like a real woman!  Ask her opinion, try to make many daily adventures about something she likes (like going to an art gallery and picking out a painting together and going on a walk in a park together or traveling or dancing etc.). Be kind and considerate, don't be selfish, value her ideas, she will really respond, great 1st time girlfriend practice.

I don't have any experience with this next idea, but I do have a friend who met his wife on thaifriendly.com and he is happily married for several years now. They chatted for months getting to know each other a little bit at a time, then she invited him to meet her and they got along great. He probably visited her 4 or 5 times before asking her to marry him. He wanted to be a family man and have kids with her, but apparently this is for marriage-minded people, not just daters. I don't have any advice for just dating. 

But why not try these new things? Good luck! 

Hi Birch,

There is an old Irish saying: “Every old sock meets an old shoe.”

This is true for everyone.

what I’m mostly hearing is that you are very concerned what your friends and others think of you and your interests, such as solo travel. Is there a way you can choose not to care what others think of you so much. Frankly, life, women, success favors the bold…the confident person. Consider some not the best looking celebrities and prominent business men, Like Jeff Bezos. Yet you see beautiful women hanging on them. The most important thing is to be and exude self-confidence. Work on a strategy to develop this in yourself l, perhaps group therapy in person might help.

No matter what, Level up your friends and tell the current critical group to eff off. You deserve nothing less than what they themselves have.

Best wishes.

@diplomaticBirch7532

Everyone deserves to be loved. People who are mean to others in any way shape or form weren’t/aren’t loved by anyone which causes them to be the way they are. At least that’s what I think. Please don’t let being single bother you. You’re not alone in that. I’m single and always have been and it’s one of the things that always bothers me. I don’t want you to suffer like I have bc you deserve so much better. It may not seem like it but lots of people are single for different reasons. 

@diplomaticBirch7532

I have read your story, and it resonated with me. Since this is through the forum and not a one-on-one interaction, I have a larger set of questions about your story that I will break into eight categories. These are meant to get you to think, and maybe find answers within yourself. This is going to be long, and I don't expect you to reply. However, I would like you to think about some of these questions.

1. The improvements you made to yourself are commendable, especially losing 80 pounds. It sounds like you might have done this for external approval. How have these changes made you feel, and how would you feel had you not made them? What is the benefit of continuing these healthy habits?

2. What are other reasons those people at the airport could have given you dirty looks? Could it have had something to do with their day? Were you smiling at these people when you made eye contact with them, or did you have a blank expression on your face? What are some pleasant interactions, no matter how small, that you have had after making all these positive changes to yourself? Let's not highlight the negative here.

3. Why is it acceptable for your friends to treat you in the manner that they do? It is inevitable to get hurt and hurt others in any relationship, platonic or otherwise. However. There are limits. I would like you to think of how you handled social interactions as a child while living with your parents. What patterns did you adopt from your parents, and what mechanisms have you carried with you into adulthood?

4. 200+ is quite a lot of people. What patterns are you seeing in these rejections? Have you tried a different approach? How would you feel about being in a relationship about a person who places your physical appearance above the value you have as a person?

5. You have never been in a relationship. You're not alone. So. What does that say about someone if they reject a person who has never been in a relationship? This potential partner (you) takes care of themselves. Has a decent job. Might be a little rough around the edges, but nothing that can't be polished with just a little help. But that's the deal-breaker? The lack of experience? Why would someone think like that?

6. No romantic relationship is without its flaws. You will not be immune to this. Have a gander at some of the stories people have shared about the challenges they have faced while in them. What issues are you glad you do not personally have to face?

7. What is the bare minimum that you are willing to accept for a successful social interaction? A smile with a nod, and perhaps a 'hello'? How should the majority of your social interactions go, particularly with women?

8. It is natural to wonder how life would have gone had we made a different choice. People tend to idealize how life would have looked if only they had done something different. This is a good way to torture oneself with guilt. Let's assume you did not have that 6 figure job. There would still be negatives in your life. In fact, it is just as possible that your life would be worse had you not prioritized your education as it is that it might be better. Moving forward, how can you get better at recognizing the opportunities available uniquely to you and acting upon them when necessary?

Best of luck, Birch. You're doing a good job. You just need a little help, and there's no shame in that. Because all of us do.