Has anyone used the therapist on here
Good evening to you all,
I am hitting a breaking point, I am losing control of hiding it. I don't trust therapists due to a bad experience, but at this point if I don't find one that I can trust time is going to win.
Any and all advice/guidance from anyone that has used a therapist on here is greatly appreciated. Thank you
It is so wonderful that you were out gardening and saw some eagles too. Those kinds of things can do great things to help boost your mood during the day, especially if your wife wasn't being supportive. Your opinion and feelings are valid even if she can't see that. I got the feeling that you came away with that view though. Another person really can't decide how you are feeling. You are right to claim those feelings as your own.
Sorry if my own words are less that clear tonight. I am down with a head cold and also had to drive 3.5 hours today so I am really beat.
Thanks for the supportive words.
@bestVase7265
Sorry to hear that you are feeling unwell. I hope you are able to get some relaxation and rest.
I have found that she seems to either knowingly or unknowingly instill doubt in my plans on bettering myself. So I have made it known that I cannot talk to her about these things for my own peace of mind.
Today, I am going to the aquarium to take a break from the torture I am going through, I hope that you get well soon ❤️
That sounds like great self-care on several fronts. Her undermining you can be very damaging. So just do what you want to do to improve yourself and don't worry about consulting with her. She can be informed when you are further along in the process. I really believe that you can do great things over time. Just keep taking those little steps.
The aquarium is also great. You made the decision for self-care and did it. Good for you.
I am still really sick unluckily. I had been doing well because I had been resting quite a bit, but that wasn't possible yesterday or today. We had to drive about 2.5 hours away to where my parents live yesterday but it took 3.5 hours instead so I didn't get a chance to say hello to my dad who is in an assisted living facility the way that I had planned. And I had to do all the driving through the traffic. Early this morning was a graveside service for my mother-in-law to inter her ashes in the ground with her husband (she died about a year ago). Then it was back for a longer visit with my dad and mom before the 2.5 hour drive back. That driving was done by my son. But by the time we got back we were all sick. I am hoping that we didn't make my parents sick. With any luck tomorrow will be better. I have been sick the longest and I am hoping that means I will feel better first. Sorry to complain. It is good to get it out a bit though.@DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
I am very sorry that you are still not feeling well. I am also sorry for the mentioned events. I hope that you do get better soon, make sure to keep hydrated as much as possible and keep a good vitamin intake when possible. A high dose of vitamin D can do wonders, especially when it seems that there are more cloudy days than sunny days lately.
One of the fixes my parents used to tell me was a cold shower or soak in the tub, which I didn't think was a thing of reality, but there have been days where that did in fact work. I have tried the ice bath method sports players have used for muscle regeneration which immediately will be miserable but that also helped me with bringing my body temp to a normal level.
Hope you are getting plenty of rest when possible
I am feeling much better now except for the minor cough. Thanks so much for your concern. That was definitely my worst night and I am glad that things are better.
How have you been doing? I hope that things are smoother.
Guess where we are going tomorrow? The aquarium. I am really looking forward to it.@DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
Very happy to hear you are better now. I hope the aquarium was a good time for you all as well, although it was fairly crowded when I went I still enjoyed the time there.
I am tapped out in all aspects. Getting some things in order before I run away west for a while. Hopefully I find something worth the time, no real expectations for that though. Hoping I am going to be as alone as I can possibly imagine for that time so I can finally, hopefully, reconnect with my self.
Sometimes we run away for a bit in small ways like the aquarium or in big ways like your trip west. Where are you going to go? It sounds like a good idea since you are tapped out at the moment. Remember though that you won't discover the old you. You will discover the new improved you. Once you go through a period of rough emotional turmoil you actually grow into a better version of yourself. You know more and can manage better. That is the you that you are looking for. Sometimes that means doing new things in combination with the old. So be open to things you haven't tried before. Stay focused on your senses where you can. It will help balance things out.
Our trip to the aquarium was good, if a little rushed. When the kids were little, we were the holders of knowledge - "oh, look that's an octopus, etc". Now our kids are the ones who know more than us. So that was fun to see them really enjoying nature and teaching us as they went.
Now I am headed into my busy month of the year at work. Luckily, I am not feeling too stressed about it right now, but it is exhausting nevertheless.@DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
I'm glad your aquarium visit was good, and I agree that the youth seem to be the knowledge of the world while the mature are the wise. It's a law of nature hierarchy so to say. We are the warning to them, and the ones who pick up on that early are the ones who seem to make out well.
Going west I just plan on stopping in random states. By day 5 I will turn around and start heading back. I ended up selling all of my metal in order to pay for my wife's lawsuit debt, in exchange I couldn't get something as simple as a thank you, just told I was a horrible person and should admit myself, so I gave up on the metal thing. Now I am out of ideas, so I'm trying to circle back through all of the other things I got talked out of but motivation is empty.
I hope your work load has gotten a bit lighter and has not gotten you into too much stress.
I am so sorry to hear that.
I will admit that your wife doesn't sound at all supportive of you. Is there a reason why you stay with her? You deserve something better than that. Love needs to go both ways and her words are bordering on abusive.
I am glad that you are getting away for a bit even to just drive. Maybe that will allow you to sort some things out.
You deserve a wonderful life where you are supported. Let's continue to see if we can't find a way to get you there. I am not going anywhere. I am here to help. @DanDrisco
Hey Hon Hows it going? Yeah I've had theorists for 22 years. The one I have now is an older lady she great. Find one who you like and understand each other. Have to feel safe you know. I think women are better therapist. That my opinion. I can be wrong about that its just been my observation. Ive had some bad ones too . Dont let nobody forceyou into a type of therapy that is creepy or weird. *** meds or online therapy is big right now. Therapy is about you being supported You need to be happy with the service they are providing You are paying customer. Be selfish Its totally okay. Good Luck Dear
Sometimes all marriages have rough patches where communication doesn't seem to be working right. It sounds like you are seeing things broadly which is good. But that still doesn't mean that taking a small step back and being around one another a little less temporarily might not help your mood. But when she is caring more, trust that. Yes, she could hurt you again but suspicion does damage itself.
I love the idea of a pilot's license. You never shared that one with me before. It must be so awesome to get up into the sky like that. What would be the next step that you would have to take to do that?
Just walking around a hobby shop or something like that to get inspired with clay or something else sounds like a great idea. I recently have started coloring again (I am not much of an artist) and it does help. I read somewhere recently that focusing on hobbies brings people in general much more satisfaction than their jobs ever do.
@bestVase7265
I agree that this could be a rough patch. I am struggling with the possibility that with the amount of distance, arguing and disagreeing that has taken place the damage may be irreversible. All that I wanted was time to get my issues situated and figure out the answers to her requirements, and although we have been separated for about a year now, I never got that time. If it wasn't arguing with her, it was stressing about my mom or going into a deep depression from feeling that maybe I have hit my expiration date and am prolonging the inevitable.
After I tried, and ultimately failed, to figure out a way to fix the Kensington issue I started looking into what it takes to be a pilot. Driving is what makes me feel better and learning an entire new experience would hopefully feed the fire in me to get back to my standards. The first step is to do a copilot flight to see how I do with controlling and heights, then it will be around 6 months of lessons followed by an overnight flight from east Coast to west Coast and back. Once that is done, I just have to accumulate at least 40 hours of flying solo for private flights and I believe 300 hours for commercial.
The big life lesson that I learned through all of this is that many of us never got to pursue our dreams from childhood. Those dreams could also be better left as a dream so they don't crush your spirit, but finding that one thing that can make you feel accomplished on a daily basis is what I think is crucial. Coloring is a very good example of what I was looking for in the metal realm, a sense of accomplishment once it was done while finding thoughts were no longer a burden during the process.
I put myself in such an uphill battle and set my standards so high that I guess I removed the fun part of things that once kept me entertained. I would like to try and do a bob Ross painting walkthrough someday. I'm not good at it but he makes it look so easy and peaceful while reminding you that if you mess up, that's when the fun begins.
You are really working through a lot right now and are doing a great job of it. I know it doesn't feel that way though.
Here is what I saw in reading:
You are actively looking for anything that brings you joy - in this case driving - and then trying to see how you can take that further. That is awesome. I hope that you are able to try that copilot flight soon. It sounds like a solid step towards something. And if that doesn't work out for some reason, driving and transportation take many forms - trains, trucks, etc.. You have opened a great window.
Do keep up with whatever craft form appeals to you. You are also correct in noticing that brings you joy. As far as childhood dreams, I think searching for perfection does lead you astray just as you said. So go for the Bob Ross idea. Mistakes can lead to new discoveries and NOTHING is ever totally broken. It just gets revamped in a new way. That includes you.
@bestVase7265
I have been a bit busy for once, felt somewhat good but also don't feel like I accomplished much. Got my mom's house starting to roll with pulling the rugs, which she is now realizing how tedious it is to maintain hardwood so she wants to go back to carpet. Helped my sister do some cleaning so she can get some off time. My friend is going through it with his court issue but hopefully it doesn't go bad.
I have not been able to get back into a new hobby or anything, and driving has been practically non existent. Yesterday was the first day of couple therapy which was fine, we will see how that plays out. I really need to find something for me, although I have been more active I am finding myself staying put more than before.
I hope you are doing well and work has been less stressful for you.
I am glad that you have been busy. Being busy with anything brings a bit of healing even if it is just cleaning. It is much better than being in your head.
I do think that you still accomplish a great deal towards more long-term goals that way because you are thinking a bit at a distance rather than obsessing over what hasn't happened yet.
I also love the idea of couples therapy. Let that get started a bit before you start looking for something just for you. Your own issues will become more apparent that way so the regular therapy will be effective.
You are doing good things and should be proud of yourself.
I am doing okay. The short term is done and the regular semester has begun. I think that I have joined too many groups with too much reading though. It is my own fault, but I need to learn to not be so ambitious so I don't feel like I am constantly running.@DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
The therapy thing has been fine. Still fresh so the main problems have not been talked about, they have her doing a solo talk this week and next week I do mine. Haven't been doing much lately outside of hanging out with my friend trying to get him situated with his issues.
Hobby wise there has been no progress. I tried to revisit the idea of video games but I couldn't do it feeling it was a waste. I have been wanting to try to get back to 3D printing, just need to actually start that.
I am glad you are doing well. I find myself doing that with certain aspects where I feel like I am overloaded with things when I just want to concentrate on a few things. A lot of ambition is not a bad thing sometimes as long as you give yourself the proper time to break away and refresh.
Glad that you are doing some solo talking too. That sounds promising as well. You can talk a bit about your own struggles and her lack of understanding for them. Maybe it will move the needle because she will better be able to see what you are facing more as a real thing.
I am glad that you are helping your friend at the moment. You don't have to always do hobbies. Helping others is a great way of healing yourself. That's what's great about starting on the healing journey - there is no one right answer, just lots of little ones that eventually add up to something bigger.
Definitely working longer hours this semester which is tough. I am not seeing my kids as often and my husband is seeing them more because he is retired and at home when they want to visit. But I will do my best. @DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
I am sorry that you are working so much and missing time with your family. I hope that the long days are temporary and you can get back to spending time with them.
I have my one on one with the therapist tonight. Hopefully it goes well. My friend doesn't seem to want the help I offer, which is fine I suppose. My mind has started to become stir crazy now that I have been staying put more than before, started to reread some books due to not finishing them.
Today is my mom and my dogs birthday, so I am going to try and make their day good. Not sure what the plan is but it will be fine. Hope you are doing well and the days are not too hard on you.
Therapy is like antidepressants: you have to try a few out before you find one that works with you!
Well I think sometimes you get a little of what you ask for. I will definitely have some solid family time for the rest of the week because of the upcoming storm and classes being cancelled. Of course, we could lose electricity and all our food and there is a chance that the campus will flood, but that kind of comes with how this point in the year usually works.
I hope that the appointment does go well for you. I can understand that stir crazy feeling. Are you able to get to a library or anything to pick up some more books? They could really help. What kinds of books do you usually read? What other things might you try to feel less stir crazy? Are you getting out and walking at all?
I bet that you will plan an excellent day for your mom and dog. That sounds like something to look forward to.
@bestVase7265
I hope that the storm wasn't too bad for you and everything is good there. Seemed that it was pretty chaotic there so hoping not too much damage or loss was accrued.
I have been trying to get out more. I have been talking with some people in the neighborhood who seem to be on the same wave length or vibration that I am on. The cmrandom yet understandable conversations have been refreshing. I listened to a new audiobook as well called 'quantum spirituality' which had some good information.
I have decided that I am going to give the metal thing another shot and mainly focus on the cheaper metal and not so much the expensive precious stuff. If it doesn't pan out again then no foul done, I will have to go back to the drawing board. I may ask one of the people that I conversated with if they want to give it a try, as they were very interested in the idea.
That all sounds great from your end! I am so glad that you are connecting with some new people and are going to get back into metal working. The audiobook also sounds like a nice piece. Keep doing stuff like that and reading/listening more.
We did okay with the storm and didn't even lose power. However, friends and colleagues weren't so lucky and have lost everything. My school is still closed by the storm and my place of worship is badly damaged. It has all felt pretty hopeless and devastating to be honest. But I am trying to do at least one kind deed a day for an hour or so. So far I have helped start dumping goods out of a water-logged house, done laundry for a family, gave away half a cake, and gone to a restaurant who had lost lots of business due to the storm. Tomorrow I will help a colleague move some undamaged stuff to storage.
@bestVase7265
Im glad you and yours are safe, hopefully, if you are in the southern area, the last one wasn't too bad. My mom was planning on visiting my aunt but due to the two hurricanes that hit it was cancelled.
The metal stuff I learned seems to have been lost, or rather the beginners luck of it. I am just going to continue making ingots until I get that back down before I try to make anything intricate again. Started couples therapy with my wife, which feels good to be able to speak uninterrupted but I feel like there is quite the bit of issues that have not started to get resolved. I am giving it until December to see if progress is made before I make any decisions.
Really hope you guys are okay and things are not too bad.
Things were pretty bad for the last week without power, drinking water or internet, but all of those came back yesterday.
Our house wasn't hit too badly although we spent the storm moping up water from the front door with every towel and blanket in the house. But so many people are so much worse in terms of water damage and trees falling on homes. Over 10,000 people lost their homes in my town the first hurricane alone and there were many the second time too.
The recovery process will be long and slow. I will try to help out where I can. My school is going to continue to be online for a while which isn't good in terms of keeping our students. It will end up being at least a month. But we will try.
Glad to hear that you are continuing to try the couples therapy and that you are experimenting with metal again. @DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
I am sorry to hear that, but I am happy to hear that you are okay for what it's worth. My aunt was saying her area was pretty rough. Two back to back hurricanes is not something that happens usually but luckily they got the basics back running. It's unfortunate that school going online will damper the return rate of students, hopefully it's not too big of a drop. Hoping that things get close to normal again soon for you
Thanks. Sorry it took me so long to respond. Two days after we got our power back (or maybe three...I have lost track), my mother fell and broke her kneecap. She doesn't live nearby so that necessitated going to stay with her for an additional week so we could care for her and get her into surgery. This was all while trying to continue to teach classes online. She is now at an assisted living facility to recover for one week and we are finally back home.
But after a month of trauma with two hurricanes and my mom, I am done. I haven't been this bad off emotionally in a while and still have the rest of the semester to go. Luckily, we have permission to teach again in person starting Monday. Unluckily, my office and classroom still have no air conditioning. But we will make do.
I hope that things are going more smoothly for you. @DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
I am very sorry to hear about your mom. You have been through quite alot this past month and for what it's worth with all that has been happening I am glad that you are okay.
The good news is that they got teaching back to in person, which should hopefully lessen the no shows. Although you have been going through quite the test hopefully you continue to stay strong. Once your mom is better that will hopefully also lessen the burdens around.
Thanks for your kindness. I keep hoping things will get better but the other part of my brain is constantly looking around waiting for the next catastrophe to happen. There is a slight chance that there is another storm brewing so now I am freaked out about that.
But one day at a time. Tomorrow I will focus on teaching in person again.
I hope that all is well with you. @DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
Hopefully the next one is minor and not anything to be a burden to you. Being someone who lives in the future best advice I can give is to control the controllables, the rest is just unnecessary stress.
If applicable, sand bags are good for keeping the majority of the water out. Hopefully it doesn't come to being needed for this one. Praying that everything goes smoothly for you until it passes ❤️
Continuing to hope that it doesn't develop into anything. I worry less about the house and more about losing my job. But we will see.
Today's adventure (and tomorrow's) was my husband's flat tire.
Again, hoping that you are having a good time of rebuilding things yourself. @DanDrisco
@bestVase7265
I hope everything went as good as possible. That adventure did not sound too fun, hopefully everything went well there too.
This new reality of the idea of home schooling is pretty worrisome for careers, but if you play the cards right you can offer in home tutoring to try and maintain things if the outcome is to be the worst. It seems freelance work is the probable outcome for the long term, and you have credentials that are valuable in their own ways.
My rebuilding has been that of a tortoise, but it seems that things may be shifting in my favor if all goes well. I have an interview this Tuesday for what I hope could be the beginning of something that I always dreamed of.
Still taking it a day at a time myself. The horrible election results have really set me back in all sorts of ways, I hadn't really recovered from earlier trauma and now having rolling panic attacks about what might come next.
I am so glad that things are moving forward for you even at a turtle's pace. It is good to see progress. @DanDrisco
@DanDrisco Yes I have one. It's about finding the right one. Here is how I found mine. Step one mention it to your PCP. They can/will give a referral (a lot of insurances require one). Step two look in your insurance's provider network! There are several types! A psychiatrist does both medication management and therapy. Step three call the provider office make sure they are accepting new patients. Besure, you know if you have a copay and how much. You can look for a therapist who specializes in your diagnoses. I looked for one who specializes in PTSD and Depression. Search by gender, specialties, etc.
We have been hit with two hurricanes in 13 days. I am okay but we have no internet, no electricity and no clean water. I am hoping to be back on soon and actually read messages but it may be a few days.
