Hi @unknowncutie
While jealousy and envy are closely related to one another, envy usually surrounds the thought or sensation of wanting something one does not yet have whereas jealousy surrounds thoughts and sensations of not wanting to loose something one already has. It seems to me that what you describe indicates feelings of envy and it´s important to know that envy is a normal and typical human feeling, therefore you cant be judged for having these feelings as though they are wrong and therefore you are wrong.
I admire your strength to come here and openly discuss these feelings because these feelings go along shame many times. It´s bold and courageous to step out and speak up. And I feel like it is important to know that you are not judged for this and also you are accepted also with these feelings.
Now, what you could do in my opinion is to monitor these feelings as an ongoing task and to ask yourself what the underlying fear behind it is and then to think it through to the end. Maybe this will help with coming to understand that the feeling that drives these thoughts might be fear and that fear is about future expectations. All in all, one could call this an Rumnation-Diary, where you write down all worries you have and you think them through and write it down (If you like, you can even add implications). After you´ve written down all worries that exist in you, you may stop worrying because you have already worried about it in great length in the Rumination diary and if this case should ever come to manifest itself, you know what to do because you already thought it through.
I hope this helps a little bit. I am glad you´ve shared and if there are any further questions I am happy to review them with you!
Stay the way you are and follow your heart :)