Feeling betrayed by everyone
My best friend betrayed with me. She pranked me with a boy. She introduced him with me. After that I fell in love with him. Some times letter I got that she was betrayed with me to put me down. After that I broke up with that boy and cut off my friendship with her. After this incident, I can't sleep well. I always feel so low, suicidal and depressed.
I also feel like my parents don’t want me or love me. They has no hope for me that I can also achieve my goals.
The man I like recently, don’t like me.
Each and every incident bother me in every moment. I can't even concentrate on my studies. I have board exam and University admission 8 months letter. I am just feeling hopeless. Sometimes I stand on the middle road so that a car can hit me. But my luck is so damn that no car hit me.
From the very childhood I faced my parents quarrel. When I see them in this situation, I feel so broken.
I just want stay happy, lead a happy and healthy life. Want to be loved by my parents, the man i like. Is that too much?
@secretEast2598 no see the that's not to much ❤ you deserve all good things and more ❤ that was a very mean thing of your friend to do🙁 people can be mean for no reason, and no fault of your own. Also your parents arguments are no fault of yours either. I'm sorry your having a hard time right now, but don't give up hope ❤ things have a funny way of working out ok in the end ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ we are all right here for you ❤
Thank u so much dear 💗
@secretEast2598 There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked or loved, to be appreciated, to give and receive affection. However, like everything else worth having, there is a price to be paid.
If you visited another country, entered a shop and tried to pay with money from your country, they probably would reject it. Being upset that they won't accept your type of money, that they want their type of money, is a waste of your energy.
You write that the man you like does not like you. Are you offering the specific type of things that he wants? I'm not suggesting that you pretend to be someone you are not, but each person responds to specific things. You can be the most fantastic woman in the world in an objective sense, but if you do not offer his subjective criteria, you won't get him.
How well do you know this man? What traits of his cause you to like him? Many men are motivated by challenge. They don't want what they can get easily. Is he like that?
I knew a woman at work who liked one of our co workers, but did not know how to get him interested in her. I told her to find out what he did outside of work. It turned out that he liked to work with wood, making furniture. I told her to go home and break a piece of her furniture. She laughed. I continued. Go to him and ask him, "Can you please help me? I'm looking for a good carpenter" Many men like solving problems, they like a woman who makes them feel useful. He was not interested much in her, but this got his attention, and it went from there. They are now boyfriend and girlfriend.
I don’t know him so well. Actually he is in charge of management on my tuition class. I want to talk with him. But he's not interested. He is well behaved, gentle and kind. This part made me falling for him. I proposed him. But he rejected me saying that I'm so much young and I should concentrate on my studies 😔
@secretEast2598 Feeling depressed or suicidal is actually normal. It's your brain telling you to take action to change your circumstances.
You did the right thing cutting that "best friend" out of your life. Now, look back. How did you choose that best friend, and how will you choose your new friends?
A romantic relationship can be a huge energy drain, a huge game of "who needs it more". The person who needs and wants it more ends up getting badly hurt. Never let someone know that you value them above everyone else. Let them be aware that you can always get another boyfriend, that you are valuable and worth working for. This is difficult but not impossible.
It's normal for parents to feel that their children's goals might be unrealistic. The world itself is going to offer you lots of discouragement. Blindly positive support from your parents may not be the best thing for you. Nothing wrong with trying, as long as you are prepared for failure.
Thank you so much. Feeling so light after hearing this. Can you tell me one thing that should I move on from the man i like?
@secretEast2598 I am going to make a guess, and presume that you are asking, should you move on from the man you like.
Not knowing all of the circumstances, it's not possible to give a very good answer.
What is your chronological age? What is his age?
Is he divorced? Widowed? Does he have children? Does he have a girlfriend? Is it possible that he is homosexual?
What is the official policy of his employer regarding dating students? Go to the school library or the main office, and ask to see a copy of the school's employee handbook. You don't have to explain why you want to read it.
Do you live alone, or with others? A romantic relationship usually involves sex eventually. Is that something you desire and are fully prepared for? Are you knowledgeable regarding sexually transmitted diseases and birth control methods?
Suppose you meet a man you are emotionally attracted to, but not sexually. How do you plan to handle that?
If your primary desire is to have specific emotional feelings, you might find that developing deep friendships with NO sexual connotations is best for you. That usually takes a lot of time and effort
How do you define "move on"? Do you mean simply give up hope of ever being in a relationship with this specific person, or do you mean, should you shift your focus and start trying to find a different man to be in a relationship with?
It's usually not a specific person we love or desire. It is traits they have that we choose to associate with good feelings. You've gotten some bad feelings from your parents, this man is older like your parents and gives you good feelings.....so you want to be with him. That's not a good basis for a relationship.
To have a stable and rewarding relationship, it has to be something you want, not something you need. You have to be comfortable with the possibility of it ending at any time for any reason.
First of all I am very sorry for speaking bad English. I am not very good at speaking English I'm 18 and he's not married. He's just 23. I'm not prepared for a romantic relationship. To me 'move on' means simply give up hope of ever being in a relationship with him. I don't want a romantic relationship at this age. I just want him to like me too and stay by my side.
@secretEast2598
@secretEast2598 I want to give you the most support and best advice that I can.
Without knowing exactly what the two of you said to each other when you approached him, it's difficult to advise you.
You wrote "I proposed him". I have to guess you mean "I approached him"? What did you say, exactly?
You stated "I don’t know him so well."
You listed some traits of his that make you like him, "He is well behaved, gentle and kind."
You wrote, "This part made me falling for him." In America, the expression "falling for" someone means wanting a romantic relationship with them, as opposed to simply liking someone as a friend or just admiring them.
You have described his response, "But he rejected me saying that I'm so much young". This suggests that he interpreted what you said as being interested in a romantic relationship with him rather than simply friendship. Did you make it crystal clear to him that you just want him to be a friend?
You have stated your desire, "I just want him to like me too and stay by my side."
You now wish to know whether or not to "move on" and give up hope regarding this person.
Without a lot more information, this is difficult to answer. There are many factors to consider.
You state that you don't know him well. The kind and gentle face you've seen isn't necssarily the entire person. You like what you've seen so far, but you have to realize that might not be his genuine personality.
People often deflect. That is, they hide the real reasons for what they say and do. He said you are "so much young", but there could be many other reasons.
You have stated what you like about him, and you have stated that you want him to like you. What do you have to offer him that he would find valuable? You can be the most wonderful girl in the world, but if you don't have the specific traits that he wants in a friend, that won't matter. He must have friends and co workers he associates with. What traits do his friends have, what things does he value?
It seems possible that you just want some kind attention and loyalty, because you are not getting that from your parents. That attention and loyalty doesn't necessarily have to come from this man you've grown to like.
You wrote, "I also feel like my parents don’t want me or love me. They has no hope for me that I can also achieve my goals." You also mention that your parents "quarrel".
Do you "want and love" your parents? If you met them as total strangers, would they have traits that you admire and want to be around?
Unfortunately, the simple fact that people are biologically related does not mean they will automatically love each other. Unfortunately, some children are unwanted by their parents, but you must consider other possible reasons for their behavior.
If your parents are in an unhappy marriage, it's possible that they see you as the thing preventing them from breaking up and getting away. That isn't fair, but it does happen.
I'm not saying it's your fault or that it makes sense, but understanding can sometimes make things easier to cope with.
Try this. During a very calm and quiet time, sit them down and say this:
"Mom and Dad, I want and love you for the following reasons, (give your reasons here). Then ask. "Do you want me and love me?"
When they answer, tell them about the things they say and do that have led you to believe otherwise. Do this as calmly as you can with a quiet voice, because they are likely to respond emotionally and defensively.
They may make excuses, they may say it is all in your imagination. Make it clear that you are not trying to make them feel guilty, only that you want things to improve. Ask, "What would I have to do for you to behave differently towards me?"
If they get upset, or yell at you, stay very calm. Let them finish yelling. Then ask, quietly, "Do you honestly believe that you're being fair right now?"
You have to accept the possibilty that they just don't like the type of person you are. Your parents are people, and people are irrational. Biological association does not automatically confer love.
You mentioned, "They has no hope for me that I can also achieve my goals."
There could be various reasons for this. Without knowing exactly what they have said and done to give you this impression, it's difficult to judge.
Have you given them tangible evidence in the past that you cannot achieve your goals?
Have your parents failed in their own lives? This could cause them to fear that you might experience similar failure.
It is also possible that your ambition causes them to feel guilty and resentful.
As you grow more experienced in life, you'll see that most people never take chances and want to hold back those who have ambition.
The key to success isn't persistence, it is planning. Part of planning has to include designating a point of diminishing returns. When will it stop being worth the investment to keep trying? Up until then, give it all your effort, try all possible techniques to succeed, but walk away with no regrets when you reach that predetermined point.
Should you "move on" from this man? What price are you willing to pay to get what you want out of him? Can you identify what he values, and offer that to him? For example, he dismissed you due to your chronological age. How would you most effectiely demonstrate to him that you possess maturity beyond your years? If you can't do that, can you appeal to him to serve as your mentor, in exchange for something, perhaps typing up his notes or doing his filing. People tend to like those who they share common interests and values with. You say you don't know him well. The first step to getting closer is research. Ask questions, and listen carefully. Look up "mirroring technique" online.
It seems that what you want is attention and reassurance. As you will learn through life, most people are very unreliable. Depending upon others to make you feel emotionally good is a often a bad strategy. Happiness comes from inside you, comes from knowing that no matter what anyone else says or does, you can rely upon yourself.
Post script:
I note that you are in school, with upcoming exams. Many schools offer coaching and counseling at no cost. Consider letting the school know NOW that there are issues at home and you're feeling overwhelmed. If you do then fail your exams, you can use that as a possible way to obtain a second chance.
I don't know what nation you are in, or what profession you aim for. I do note that worldwide there is a glut of college graduates that the job market cannot absorb. Increasingly, most jobs do not pay enough to cover living costs and a student loan debt.
Consider instead a focus on a few universal skills. First, a basic labor skill that will always be in demand, a "survival job" skill you can always fall back on. For example, how to draw blood in a clinic. You can get a certificate to do that in only a few weeks in America, and it's always a job that is hiring. Or, learn to be a prep cook because you can always get a job in a kitchen somewhere.
Next, master yourself. Once you can control your own emotions and thoughts, you can then begin to learn the most important skill of all: communication. No matter what profession you are in, you will have to deal with people. Customers, boss, co workers, competitors, rivals, allies. The quality of your life will depend upon the quality of your communication. You must learn and hone the skills of persuasion, deception, seduction, deflection. You can either BE manipulated, or you can be the manipulator, there is no other choice. Personal connections are worth far more than money. Start now to build a large network of friends. Become a broker of emotional and psychological currency.
Money is an illusion, a rigged game. It won't matter if you get a high paying job in a profession when the politicians control things like what money is actually worth and how much of it you get to keep: inflation and taxes make slaves of the highest paid persons.
Trade in favors and influence, quietly and effectively. Friends are more valuable and useful than money. Learn how to manipulate people. Begin by using Neuro Lingusitic Programming on yourself. There are free tutorials online.
You say you are not interested in a romantic or sexual relationship at this time. Until or unless you master yourself, I'd strongly suggest you stick to that, avoid strong connections other than friendship. By all means, learn how to give yourself orgasms so that when you do eventually get into a relationship, it will be stable. Don't ever get involved with a man who is not your economic peer, and do not ever get involved with anyone who you are not sexually compatible with. If he can't pay his half of the rent, if he can't learn how to make you ***, it's a bad match. Couples fight and break up over two things: money, and sex. When those are stable, the relationship is stable.