Fear of Disappointment
Lately I've noticed I haven't been able to bring myself to put in hard work for anything. Chores, stories, personal projects, even work has been suffering. It's like an internal block that stops me from going over a certain threshold of "effort" that I don't want to overcome.
I realized part of it is this burning fear of disappointment. These last few years had been a constant pattern of "work, loss" "work, loss", "work, loss." There's been almost no real payout for me, or when there has been it's been snatched away too.
I'm just tired. And I just can't let go of this unconscious assumption that any effort I put into something will just increase the pain I feel when something inevitably falls through. I'm still kind of experiencing it, in small ways, though that's more due to me purposefully stopping myself so I can focus on other, better things. It's not a question of IF it doesn't work out, but WHEN. I can't even bring myself to work on my passions and hobbies because of this issue. Even being "fun" in the moment won't stop the frustration when I have to stop a project or end up giving up on it for the sake of other responsibilities.
I know, logically, I need to "work" to do anything in life, even simple daily things. I'm just so afraid to experience that pain again I can't bring myself to invest my time, efforts, hopes, or emotions in anything.
Hey there @HidaYasu 😊
I'm really sorry to hear about the struggles you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's completely understandable to feel this way after experiencing repeated disappointments. It's tough when it feels like your efforts aren't paying off, and that fear of further disappointment can be paralyzing. Remember, it's okay to take a step back and breathe. Maybe it's time to be gentle with yourself, acknowledging your feelings and fears, rather than pushing them aside. It's also important to celebrate the small victories and progress, no matter how minor they might seem. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to take things one day at a time. You're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough 🙏🏻