Falling

It’s so annoying. I just received a rejection letter from a company that I applied to. The interview went great and he even said he really liked my personality. It’s annoying tho because these days it really takes a lot out of me. To do anything. I’m literally so tired and I don’t have a lot of fight left in me.. so even getting up and getting dressed to put a smile on my face is so hard. I’m so tired of trying. I’m so tired of fighting. But it seems like everyday these last couple months I have to. And it hurts the most is the fact that i don’t even have anyone to talk to and it’s so hard to even find anyone so even with that I been fighting to find a decent therapist to talk to but you wouldn’t believe how hard that is. The counselor at my school only lets you do 6 sessions, what the *** im gonna do with that? We finished them already and I actually liked her. Now the ones I been finding only offer like 30 minutes and their always scheduled or give responses I don’t connect with and we just don’t vibe. I’m still in the process of finding a long term one but that times time and there’s a lot of trial and error in that process and I guess I just don’t feel like going through all of that again. The last therapist I had was so bad. She literally never knew what to say so I had to cut her off 😭. Most of the time I would be the one asking the questions. And it’s my last year in school but seems like it’s the year I had to fight the most, fight to pull my grades up, pass my classes and smile and talk to everyone in my classes cause their requiring it now. Requiring me to get up and stand in front of everybody when I don’t even wanna be here and I haven’t been thinking straight. So group projects and all that *** and *** be weird, group projects low key be annoying cause people don’t know how to communicate or time manage. I just want to graduate, but it really seems like everything keeps pushing me further from that everyday. It’s so hard and I wish someone knew how hard it was. But no one cares enough and no one takes the time. I honestly don’t matter to anyone.