Do I Want It?
Hi all. Just seeing if anyone else can relate to this. I’ve been diagnosed with 2 types of depression. One is with me constantly and has been since I was a teen. The other is episodic, and these happen twice a year for about 3 months each. So half the year I’m depressed, and the other half of the year I’m REALLY depressed. I tell ppl that my depression gets depression lol.
the thing is, I’m coming out of a depressive episode and starting to just feel “normal” depressed. And, I feel dumb saying this, but every time this happens I wish that I could just stay really depressed all the time instead of going up and down. I feel like it’s easier for me to know what to expect and how to cope with it, and whenever I start to feel better I just know it will end. It’s hard for me to enjoy it because I know another episode is coming.
I feel bad even saying this because there are probably a lot of ppl here who would love 6 months of relief from deep depression and just be “normal” depressed. But if anyone relates to this, I’d love to hear your thoughts and how you manage this.
looks like your not apretiating the "normal" depressed and to fixitated on something that'll come no matter what. do somthing for yourself or just relax. take the time you have and cherrish it because thats what normal ppl do i wouldent know but everyone here has episodes your not alone maybe not as long or maybe longer, i need to be here for longer but do your best i hope you get better
@mich765
Hi mich765!
Thanks for sharing, it's surely not easy to open up. And no, you don't sound dumb at all.
I think you are doing your best to cope and it's understandable you have those feelings because it's a rollercoaster and you need to adapt to it. I see how having any kind of stability would be surely useful to establish a routine of coping mechanisms. But it's not the current situation, so let's see together how to manage this changes with depressive episodes. 💙
I wonder if it could be possible for you to find some strategies that help during the transition from very deep depression to less deep. For example: if it makes you more anxious because you know things are going to change soon, to cope with anxiety when it happens, could be a good try.
Another thing is to listen to your needs, during those moments you could feel the need to rest more, to have more support or anything similar.
Another thing that could help would be to identify any trigger that could make things worst. Any idea about them?
Hope to see you posting soon, also for updates.
Please take good care of yourself!
@MeaningfulSilence thank you! I don’t think I realized it until you said it that my anxiety does get worse during these times. Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. The depression is always at the forefront, but I have also been diagnosed with anxiety. I don’t really think of it because the depression is so much bigger. But it seems like in times of less depression, anxiety is higher. So now it’s finding out how to cope with the anxiety.
I’m hoping to use this time to implement some good things that I hope will become habits. Like exercise, eating well, and getting sleep. I’ve done that in the past and it never seems to stick when the depressive episode shows up, but maybe this time can be different. Appreciate your wisdom!
@mich765
I'm glad to hear that you figured out things that could be of help!
Feel free to join whenever you would open up about emotions you experience, we won't let you face it alone!
That feeling of "it's going to come back, it's going to come back" is the worst. But the thing is that it isn't always true.
It may have been true for a long time for you, but each time you go down you learn something about yourself. I think that you learn slightly better coping skills.
So the next round may not be in 6 months. Maybe it will be in 7 or 8 months. Maybe it will only last 2 months rather than 3.
The best thing to do is to try to "enjoy" what you have for a bit. @mich765
Have you considered you have a bipolar 2 together with chronic depression (dysthymia)? It's possible to have a mild hypomania episode that feels less depressed than normal. I have fluctuating levels of depression myself, but it's more reactive to life events and seasons.
