Depression comes back

@goldenKitten7574 you have been through a lot over the past few years, dealing with depression and anxiety, and trying to find the right treatment plan. It is tough when you are feeling stuck and like these challenges may be ongoing. We are all here with you to listen to and support. 

Thank you🤍 I really appreciate that you were able to listen to me

Sorry to hear you are struggling♥️

Yes it is very hard and it can feel like depression and anxiety is also stopping you from achieving the things you want in life. I think its also a typical thought/ symptom of the depression; it makes you think that you will never "cure" and will never succeed in anything. At least, that's how I feel like when I'm having and depressive episode.

I hope the meds will work for you again and I'm glad to hear you have supervision in this. I also recently started increasing my dosage of antidepressants so I think i know how you feel right now.

thanks for your support🤍

Does your depression come in episodes? i'd be interested to know more if you don't mind. why did you have to increase the dose of antidepressants?

I always feel like everyone is moving somewhere. They are busy starting a family or advancing their career. and all you do is try to just survive. And you try to force yourself to go to work, go out with friends. and every time the treatment fails, you have to pick yourself up and carry yourself to the doctor. and every time you hope that now everything will start working. because it is the only thing you can hold on to, so as not to fall into that abyss again.

Hello!

Yes, I had several depressive episodes in my life. I must say that I am getting in a bit better to cope with them, but it still feels ***.

Recently I felt like Ive fallen into depression again and thats why me and my doctor decided to higher the dose for now. Ive been on this dose earlyer but i tried to decrease the dose before... No idea of it will help again but well have to see and wait for now 🙃

Yes i totally understand what you are saying about the feeling that everyone around you is making progress and building a life and you just feel like you are only trying so survive and try to find new methods to hopefully climb out of the

Ik wil daarna nog iets zeggen van

Her feit dat je elke keer weer de stap neemt om te werken aan herstel en naar hulp zoekt is heel krachtig en steeds een stap dichterbij meer kennis over jezelf, je depressie en wat werkt voor jou

ChatGPT said:

ChatGPT

Sure! Here's your message translated into correct English:

Hello!

Yes, I’ve had several depressive episodes in my life. I must say I’m getting a bit better at coping with them, but it still feels awful.

Recently, I felt like I’ve fallen into depression again, which is why my doctor and I decided to increase my dose for now. I’ve been on this dose before, but I had tried to lower it earlier. I’m not sure if it will help again, but we’ll have to wait and see 🙃.

I totally understand what you mean about the feeling that everyone around you is making progress and building a life, while you feel like you’re just trying to survive and find new methods to hopefully climb out of it.

The fact that you keep taking steps to work on your recovery and seek help is truly powerful. Every step brings you closer to gaining more knowledge about yourself, your depression, and what works for you!♥️

How are you doing last days?

@goldenKitten7574

Okay lol I used Chat gtpt to correct my English because I was just trying to answer you, typing what was on my mind.

But accidentally copied the whole conversation and posted it here

Hope you still understand my comment 😫🥲

Everything is cool, don't worry. English isn't my first language either, and I also use external resources to express my thoughts more clearly.  

Thank you for your support. I understand you. My depression also comes in episodes. I used to think I had learned how to cope with it, but now I realize how exhausted I am from trying to manage it.  

I hope the increased dose of antidepressants works for you and that you start feeling better. I understand that it gets harder to hope that something will help each time, but I guess giving up isn't an option for us. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I'm going to the doctor today, where we'll discuss whether the new antidepressants are helping me. My anxiety has decreased a bit, but my low mood seems to have worsened. I'm also hoping we’ll get closer to understanding whether I have ADHD or not. I'm a bit anxious and scared about what's happening in my life. I hope I've chosen the right path.  

I would be glad if you continued to occasionally share how your treatment is going, if you don't mind. I have very little experience talking to people with similar issues to mine. In my country, discussions about mental health aren't common, and I'm quite cautious about meeting new people. so I'm not ready for something like group therapy yet. But it seems that an anonymous forum is exactly what I need right now.  Even though all of this is sad, I'm glad to find support here and connect with people who are going through similar struggles.

I completely understand what you're saying! We might be able to cope with it to a certain extent, but sometimes it just becomes too much, and that’s when it’s time to seek external help again.

It also takes so much energy just to get through the day, so it makes sense that at some point, we feel completely drained.

And you’re right, giving up isn’t an option. I often remind myself that the way I see life right now is through the lens of depression, so of course I’m not enjoying life at the moment. But there have been good times before—we just can’t access or remember them right now.

And yes, amazing that you took the step to see your doctor!! How long have you been taking the antidepressants now? It seems like you're taking all the right steps to gain more insight into your condition.

It's really unfortunate that mental health is still such a taboo topic. I can imagine it makes you feel even more isolated. But yes, talking about it really helps i think. It makes you realize that many people are going through almost the exact same thing, even though we might not see it when we pass them on the street. Even those we pass by every day may be struggling with similar challenges... sometimes helps me to think about that.

It might be too soon to say, but for the past two days, I’ve been feeling a little little bit better. It still feels strange, and I’m always very cautious. I try to remind myself that whatever I’m feeling is okay. But the "loud negative voices" seem a little quieter... So let's see...

It could be the result of opening up and seeking help again :) We will never exactly know i guess 😛
When is your next doctor’s appointment?

I have been taking antidepressants for two months now. Recently, my doctor increased the dosage. Initially, we were addressing my anxiety. Now that my anxiety has subsided a bit, depression has come to the forefront. That’s why my doctor decided to adjust the dosage. I’ll see her again in two months. For now, I’ll just monitor my condition.

She also gave me contacts of therapists and some books I can read to better understand my state. But right now, I can't afford therapy, so I’m only focusing on the books 😅. Still, I think it's a step forward.

I feel better now than when I first wrote this post.

I totally understand you. Sometimes, when you’re not in the best place, a depressive episode can really take over. There are moments when, in your darkest times, you feel like there's no one to turn to, and you're left alone with your thoughts. Often, by the end of the day, you feel completely drained.

You're doing an amazing job by not letting depression completely overwhelm you on tough days. I truly mean it, because I know how scary those thoughts can get in such moments. The fact that you don’t identify yourself with depression is really important and great.

I hope this better state lasts as long as possible for you. How are you feeling today?

Sorry for my late reply, I didnt feel really well this week.

I understand the part of anxiety getting less and then depression shows up more. For me thats also a pattern I recognize. Almost like the great amount of anxiety is just all the stress building up in your body to cope with the depression and trying to keep you going instead of getting totally numb?

The waiting part must be hard. I really hope your medication will do something for you in several weeks. Im currently on the third week and still feel really off, but i also know i cannot tell anything yet about the effect because it should take like 4-6 weeks.

Is that also with your medication and the new higher dose?

Its sad that therapy is so expensive. Should be available for everyone. In my country the health insurance does cover some therapy's, but the waiting lists are very long (mostly like 6 months)

Which book(s) do you wanna read? I think its a great option when therapy is not possible at the moment. And also sharing with other people who experience the same kinda stuff!

Curious how everything is going for you right now.

@goldenKitten7574

I’m truly sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy load, and I can only imagine how tough it must be to see your depression and anxiety impact such crucial parts of your life—your career and dreams of starting a family. It’s completely understandable to feel disheartened and frustrated when it seems like your struggles persist despite your best efforts.

The feeling of having to go back on antidepressants after trying so hard to manage without them must be incredibly disheartening. It’s hard when it feels like you're stuck in a cycle where progress seems elusive and the pain feels unending. It’s also natural to worry that these feelings might be a permanent part of your life, and that uncertainty can be deeply distressing.

While I don’t have a personal experience to share, I want you to know that your feelings are heard and deeply understood. It’s a brave step to reach out and express how you’re feeling, and it shows a lot of strength to seek support during such a tough time. Please remember that you don’t have to face this alone. There are people who genuinely care about you and want to support you through this difficult journey.

You deserve compassion and care as you navigate these challenges. Your pain is real, and there is hope, even if it feels distant right now. Be kind to yourself and continue reaching out for the support you need.

Take care.

Thank you for your support and kind words🤍

@goldenkitten

I too think it will never end and it gets lonely out here. I even have a family and it still gets lonely.

I understand you. My family will never understand what I'm going through. I don't blame them. But I want to have someone who will listen, someone I can cry on.

Can you tell me about your loneliness?

It’s hard to describe I can be around all kinds of familiar people, and I just don’t feel a part of any of it.

Like I’m here alone and I can’t give what’s important to people to them because of the depression. Anxiety feelings and all.

it's sad. i hope they understand that you don't have the resources for some things right now. and i hope you get the love and care you deserve.

I too feel the same way.

I've been struggling with a lot of things but mostly it's relationship problem. It might be because of this undiagnosed depression I have that I ended up self sabotaging any relationship I have and that scares me because it really affects my connection with other people.

I understand you. I'm afraid of being alone. This is not the kind of loneliness that people choose by their own free will. This is forced loneliness. I didn't choose this. But it seems that my demons are stronger than me.

I hope you can get support and I hope you can deal with your depression♥️

@goldenKitten7574

I hear how deeply you’re feeling the weight of your struggles, and it’s clear that you’re carrying a heavy burden. It’s completely understandable to feel disheartened when it seems like things are not improving or when progress feels elusive.

While I haven’t experienced something similar, I understand that the challenges you’re facing can be incredibly isolating and frustrating (I can empathise with you because of my own struggles). Many people go through similar struggles with depression and anxiety, and your feelings are valid and shared by others.

The fact that you’re resuming your medication under your doctor’s guidance is a testament to your resilience and commitment to your well-being. Managing mental health often involves navigating setbacks and moments of doubt, and it’s okay to acknowledge that process.

Though it may feel like the struggle will never end, there is hope for improvement over time. With perseverance, self-compassion, and ongoing support, many find that they can experience periods of relief and discover new ways to cope and thrive. You deserve to find hope and healing, and your journey, though challenging, holds the potential for positive change.

You are not alone. I also have depression and anxiety. Also ptsd and ocd. I can't understand what you are going through. It's ***. And people don't understand it. Normal people make fun of it and try to take advantage of it. But don't show everyone that you have depression,etc. I know it's not that easy but don't lose hopes. You are not alone. Try to find happiness in little things. Pursue your hobbies. Take care of yourself.