Am I the Only One?
Things have been so dark lately. My one glimpsing hope for my therapist to help me work through it all greatly backfired. I hate repeating myself and it feels like that's all I ever do.
My "friends" are starting to feel more like strangers. I haven't made any new friends in years, so that could be a problem as well. Especially since I feel like the people I know are sticks in the mud. Stationary. Living in the past. Fuck that, I need more people hungry for the future.
Then there's the issue of a support system. I know that there are people that care a lot for me, but they don't understand depression. They don't know the depth beneath just being sad or bummed. And the ones that harp on me for never coming to them in a time of need are never there when I do reach out.
The only glimpse of anything for me is the notion that I'll kill myself one day. It's such a great feeling to hold on to. "Oh it's selfish", but yet I'm asked to stick around because someone else wouldn't be able to handle? That's selfish. People die. We all will. No one is getting out of this shit show of life alive.
So I drag on. Drag through everyday. Living with a seizure disorder that doctors don't know how to deal with, so they tell me I'm lying. Which has fucked up so much of my future plans. It has taken away so much from me, that when I'm told these things by doctors, it doesn't help.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
So alone.
So very, very, very alone.
@unicornsonparade
you are not the only one to feel this way -hugs- I'm always around to talk to. You might feel lonely (which is understandable and normal) but you're never alone.
Sending love :)
@unicornsonparade As I am sitting here reading your post my heart goes out to you. When we are surrounded by people who tell us they love us one minute but don't truly understand us is so frustrating. I can relate to being surrounded by people who don't understand (or care to for that matter) what depression, chronic pain suffers, etc., actually are dealing with on a day-in day-out basis. They say they understand, but do they really? Of course not, they are not in our shoes. They see the world differently, with different outlooks, different perspectives. But we can't change them. If they want to educate themselves on the issues, that would be great. The only person that I CAN change is myself, my outlook, and my perspectives to ensure I can live out this thing called life in the most meaningful way possible.
Am i the only one that thinks why try to improve we all will die of old age or get die of an illness (most like cancer).
am i the only one when driving and certain things will trigger sad/depressed feeling wven when on medication. Example, seeing a abandon/ unkept house from the outside or seeing a field of grass look dryed and think it looks so ugly.
You think it because i need to switch meds? Or is because i need to add cognitive therapy. I try to to control thought bit the negative feels always wins.
@unicornsonparade
Hi, sadly most people are affected by depression, one way or another 
This means that you arent lonely. I suppose you could talk to someone who's been through depression and has helped to cope with alongside the support you're currently being given 
Remeber that youre not the only one and you will get through it.