New to this and no clue how to start
Hi All,
I am totally new to this community and really don’t know where to start!
i guess a little bit about me as intro is the place to start ! Basically I having a really hard time and the moment after basically living a double life for 4 years with my wife and my affair partner (please don’t judge me). After spending 4 years not committing to either I feel like my head is totally fried and I don’t know how to move forward. This has reached a head in the last week as my affair partner has decided to move on from me and told me she has enough of my lies. Which I accept of course. It’s just made me feel just so overwhelmed, who do I love what do I want and where I am going !
I think I love my wife, I think I love my affair partner but have lied so much I don’t know who I am or what I am doing !
I guess that’s all I want to say right now, but looking for some help and support and maybe a friend- cos right now I feel so alone in the world.
take care
take care everyone
kbcya
@kbcya ok so your affair partner has moved on, which is a good thing. Now perhaps it's time to start again with your wife. Perhaps not telling her the truth about your affair is the best idea. You don't want to hurt her. But maybe now, you should forget the past and move forward with no more lies. Good luck ❤
Thank you. I just don’t know if I can, feels like everything is too broken. I can’t get the feeling of Shame out of my head and that is weighing do heavily on my shoulders
@kbcya yeah I can understand that. You need to think what you need to do, and whatever you decide, we are here to support you through it ❤
Thank you for your kind words. I guess everything takes and space to heal doesn’t it. Trouble is I am a little inpatient 😂
Sorry to hear what you are going through.
People make mistakes. I’m sure you didn’t wake up one day and want to deliberately hurt your wife.
As humans we have needs and sometimes without realising it. You may have been attracted to the other woman because she was meeting a need.
As a female, I had a female friend whose husband had a secret second family. When she found out, she said the worst thing was the lying over the years.
I’d say give yourself some time. Maybe therapy if that’s possible when you are ready,
Do you want to still have a relationship with your wife, if yes then be humble and be honest. She may not be interested. She may not be able to forgive.
Or maybe you are better suited to polyamory.
At some point you need to forgive yourself.
In a year’s time from now things will be different and hopefully you will be in a better place.
Good luck .
Affairs are a hard path to navigate and you should go easy on yourself as you didn't wish this as a lifestyle choice but the heart does strange things.
Only you can know how broken your partner would be if you confessed. Sometimes things are best left unsaid. But also what may be the most respectful thing to do will cause grief too.
Perhaps you can contemplate what you would want if the tables were turned. This may give you insight into what works best in your relationship dynamic.
Hello kaybee, if I may address you as such. I'm new here myself. I brought worries of fitting in and trepidations toward what to expect. I soon felt comforted and supported. I also brought sincerity, honesty, openness, and willingness. I am feeling my way through the community, slow as a turtle I may add, but I am now excited about my future growth. This response is longer than I hoped, I quack too much sometimes, but at your pace try some things 😅. My thoughts of support are with you.
@kbcya4 February 2024 Hello and welcome!
I am known as "scothypnotist".
I am generally on here between
1 and 4 times a month on the weekends.
I look forward to connecting with you!
Namaste
Scot
