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What's up Wednesday? #1

kindLemonade April 13th, 2022

Hi everyone,

This is kindLemonade - I'm bringing to you a fresh new series called "What's up Wednesday?". I hope to bring some joy to your daily plate + a bundle of mind-tickling questions 😜 Let's dive right in!

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Today, we are talking about jealousy. Nowadays, we can see information about people's lives and achievements on various social media platforms. Sometimes, seeing others being happy, or leading an exciting life could make us worried if ours is too plain or boring, if we are doing OK or not. Hence, here come comparisons and that big J word, slowly eating us from within. Being bombarded with content from everywhere, newspapers, YouTube ads, posters,... also gradually primed us to think bout how we "should" lead our lives. Jealousy is an emotion, it may be uncomfortable but you don’t have to get rid of or engage in the feeling. Jealousy if being acted out can hurt relationships and friendships.

The questions I would like to ask you all today are:

- Have you ever felt jealous from seeing content about other people's lives? Where did you encounter it? For example posters, news, movies, following idol's social media,...

- How would you deal with jealousy?


Resource: Jealousy assistance

https://www.7cups.com/exercises/mindfulness562/




26
ouiCherie April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade

That happens a lot in social media era, isn't it? Maybe jealous is not the right word when I'm seeing someone's achievement, more admiration because I'm aware every achievement worth flexing on social media, comes from a consistent hard work.

Behind that achievement are days, months or even years of constantly pushing themselves to move forward. Fighting their limiting beliefs all the time. It's tough.

Sometimes I do feel jealous whenever I see Chrissy Teigen xD she got the look, she got the bod, married to John Legend, and a cooking skill! How is it fair?.... LOL *kidding, I love her 😃 What about you, Lemo?

Thanks for the post! 💜

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

@ouiCherie

@ouiCherie

Hi Cherie, I find it inspiring to see how you put yourself in the shoes of other people, to realize that behind the 'spotlight', there are hours and hours of hard work put in. And because of that, jealousy was replaced by empathy and compassion instead. This can turn into motivation and drive to achieve greatness for ourselves.


I love your attitude, thanks for sharing hehe 😜

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Helgafy April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade

Hi kind.

"Have you ever....." NO.

"How would you...." - I have felt jealous in "real" life. I was thinking that a friend of mine and my b.f. were talking so good together. I was sure they were going to get married. So that's my "bad" way of handling jealousy. I just don't handle it at all!

From Helga.

1 reply
energeticWest1129 April 14th, 2022

I can totally relate 🥺🥺

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Tooqik1 April 13th, 2022

I don't use social media, however my cusion seems to have it all, her part actually care unlike mine so they allow her to date and have reasonable standards, her parents are also pretty well off financially and mine are not so much.

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022
@Tooqik1

Hi Tooqik, thanks for taking a moment to share your experience. It sounds that seeing your cousin makes you feel like your current living situation is not good enough, compared to her. You seem to find your current life lacking parents' love and financial security/ abundance. I hope you don't take that as a reflection on your own self-worth and hope that you find a way to process these thoughts and feelings.

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emotionalTalker2260 April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade

I already quite like this series :)

- Have you ever felt jealous from seeing content about other people's lives? Where did you encounter it? For example posters, news, movies, following idol's social media,...

not gonna lie, I feel jealous quite a bit. But I have my major reasons: I’m too depressed to keep up with my (I’m not even sure if they still are) friends. Plus they are always going out, having fun, meanwhile I’m poor as. So I can’t afford to go. But I get jealous in many ways, whether I see images of those I know having a good time, to even on cups, people barely say Hi to me, and I get so jealous I literally go on a rant about why people should say Hi to everyone and not just their ‘friends’.

- How would you deal with jealousy?

honestly, I deal with everything poorly. It’s not just the jealous feelings, but I get so jealous it turns into anger which is the worst emotion for me as I become unpredictable and mad and basically I become a bull in a fine china shop 🤡

4 replies
Helgafy April 13th, 2022

@emotionalTalker2260

Hi friend.

I've become angry too during being jealous. It has been like a yellow fog coming to my brain. I had to walk and walk. Ha.ha.

From Helga.

SaintAnonymous April 13th, 2022

@emotionalTalker2260

I could relate to your positions. FB was a sickness for me so I deactivated my account years ago (I think I could not find out how to delete it). The world passes by and one feels like a loser in comparison to others but I came across a line that says sorrow increases understanding. My jealousy seemed not to be at other's wellbeing but my adversity which stung me more. I would have been in the in crowd if things went my way too. Being in my own dungeon of sorrow enabled me to relate to people who were in crises including especially here at 7 Cups.

The other benefit of leaving fb is that one finds one's mind is a good treasure without all that distraction and pining. Original ideas flow easier to such a more receptive mind.

Yes, I won't lie. It does hurt to be ignored. I think I've found a pain was than being ignored- being disrespected! That pain is harder to overcome and I'm still figuring how to put it behind me.

1 reply
SaintAnonymous April 13th, 2022

@SaintAnonymous

* worse than being ignored

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kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

Hi Emo 👋

I admire how self-aware you are with different layers of emotions. I think self-awareness could lead to personal growth.


I also wish I could have had more fun. I have been mostly working in computer for assignments, in comparison, friends could socialise and hang out. But I guess, everyone has their own pace. I slowly learned to enjoy which ever life brings to the table. At least it is kinda something than nothingness hehe 🤪

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LovelyPlace4774 April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade

I have felt jealousy when seeing how wonderful people's lives are, or their jobs, or the fact that they can afford a vacation.

I probably don't deal with that type of jealousy very well. It's harder to talk myself through. But jealousy IRL, is different. I can get myself back on track easily, especially if it's jealousy due to something that someone I am seeing is doing.

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

@LovelyPlace4774

Hi Place,

I actually also want to have a vacation, but it has been difficult since covid. So I can definitely relate to you there. Getting back on track after adversity seems to be something a lot of us all are doing in this phase in life. May courage and strength be with you.

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Torean April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade

Most of the time I remember being jealous was in childhood. Like, being on a school field trip to the zoo while we all had to carry around our school stuff and constantly write stuff while it seemed like a lot of kids in big groups got to just have fun and experience more things up close. Stuff like that. I was also jealous about every other kid around me having siblings. I know, it's not always such a good thing, but there's loneliness on the other side too.

My jealousy pretty much automatically turns into resentment. I tend to immediately see how they aren't fully appreciating what they have, or how it might not work out for them, or how they aren't doing enough with it. That resentment isn't useless though. It leads me to examine myself, especially when things seem more ok.

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

I am glad you are reflecting on your own feelings and appreciate how you share them to us all. Reflection led to self-examination so we could understand our own desires, needs.

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SparkyGizmo April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade

Hi Lem! 😊❤️ Many thanks for this amazing forum post! I really enjoyed reading it and it gave me a moment to think about how I am, who I am.

I don't really engage in social media. Just a personal choice. As for me, I have seen the pitfalls of it all along without ever actively engaging in that way. Social media posts many times are not the true story. It's a moment for someone to smile brightly, put their best foot forward and simply show the world what they want the world to see. You don't get to see "all of the other stuff", the things the person is going through, the things that trouble them, their self doubt or things that keep them awake at night.

I think it would be incredibly difficult to compare and contrast ones one self and ones own life to a fictitious ideal, something that doesn't truly exist. Social media at times can lead to anxiety, depression, low self esteem, lack of self worth and even, potentially, body image issues. We are now seeing the biggest "uptick" of all time for those seeking rhinoplasty from cosmetic surgeons and many that are seeking this are taking selfies into the surgeons office with the selfie and filter applied as the example of what they want.

For me, even in real life, I don't succumb to what has been called the "green eyed monster" lol (jealousy). I have always had a different approach. There will always be someone bigger, better, faster, and stronger than me. There will always be a bigger package with a more shiny bow! With acceptance comes peace.

For my friends that have things I don't, no matter whether it be beauty, intelligence, wealth, etc. I have a tendency to feel really proud of them. To feel like, oh my gosh, that is my friend! And to be happy for them! I instead like to watch them shine and support them every step of the way.

For me, it makes me feel better to focus more on me than others around me in those types of ways. I come with a "non compete clause". I compete against no one, no one at all! The only person I ever compete against is me and my last greatest victory! For me, there is always room for improvement and I see myself as a work in progress!

Lem, again, thank you for this forum post! I really enjoyed reading it and responding to it! *high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

Haha, I cracked up after reading the green eyed monster metaphor. Thanks for sharing, Sparky. I have to admit, your positive energy really shine through. I love your reminder about there will always be someone better at us regarding certain aspects or qualities, and it is just a fact. It does not mean we are lacking in value or worthiness. This could even be a driving force to motivate us moving forward living our own unique life with meaning.



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purpleTree4652 April 13th, 2022

@kindLemonade,

Hi, Lemonade!

1. Have you ever felt jealous from seeing content about other people's lives? Where did you encounter it?

I did feel jealous a lot when I lived on the Palos Verdes Peninsula in California. I lived in the poor area, but drove past multi-million dollar mansions to go to the grocery store and to my therapist. It was very difficult. I tried to just concentrate on the beautiful coast and the road when I was driving past. But, it was hard.

2. How would you deal with jealousy?

Now a days I try not to compare myself to others and try not to pay attention to the rich and famous.


1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

@purpleTree4652

Hi purple, it's wonderful to hear your sincere and honest thoughts. I think the desire for more, and for richer life comes naturally, especially, when you drive through and see million-dollar houses on the way regularly like that. Please do know, even the thought of you trying to focus o the beauty of the coast already showed how you're wanting to be appreciative and grateful for life. This is an admiring practice, the practice of gratitude and you're already doing it.

Being in control of our life, and learning to shift our attention to what matters to us will build a sense of agency and confidence, and you're also doing that already. Keep going 👍

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Aliceiin3rdwonderland April 14th, 2022

I have always felt that we feel jealousy when we can't have that like being wanted and materialistic stuff. I think I always had a different approach towards things I think, this is the part where I felt indifferent, like to find common line to communicate to other person. But I have always loved the way how I thought because it's more fun for me at least. I use social media sites but it is just to keep up with my friends and when they post pictures it doesn't make me feel anything because I know behind story of post, I'm in some fake smiling but everyone looks genuinely happy . Despite everything we all are trying our best and having fun rollercoaster rides 🙃. Also I have social media for Taylor swift ❤💐

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 14th, 2022

@Aliceiin3rdwonderland

I love that you mention "communication". Sometimes, a simple thing like having a good chat with people to understand them, or to share our own stories, could help build empathy for ourselves and compassion for others. It seems that you're using social media for your own good, instead of getting negative influence from it, which is great! I should check out Taylor Swift's social media too, after hearing you haha! 🙈

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onwardforevenmore April 14th, 2022

of course! I'm single and dating, I want a relationship, I want a partner, I want love in my life, I want someone to share the journey with and companionship, so often I see couples together holding hands and planning together - and I want that! That's the life I enjoy most for myself, when it's shared! The world has so many great things in it - they're too good to experience alone! Seeing the same thing through 4 eyes is always different from 2... I can't wait to meet the person who will eventually become special! I keep going, I keep on dating, I keep looking, I keep being my best self and attracting people into my life... maybe I'll find it one day! I acknowledge everyone is on different parts of their own journey. So I change the jealousy feeling quickly to thankfulness, because it's good to have models and people to learn from who have and are ahead of me on their own journeys.

1 reply
kindLemonade OP April 15th, 2022

Hi onward! It is amazing to know you keep on trying to be your best self. It is also nice to see that you differentiate between unhealthy comparison that lead to jealousy, with healthy motivation from seeing what could be possible.


Sometimes, simply by being our best possible self, we attract friends, and love naturally. Someone once told me that what I was looking for was already there, just waiting for me to be ready and be able to notice. 😉

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