Bad support - looking for safety

I've had several psychoses the past years and I have autism.

Just saying first that with bad support I don't -necessarily- mean bad intentions.

I'm 38.I lived my life pretty much until I was 20 feeling ok or feeling good. After that it started going downhill pretty quick due to a lack of consciousness about the world and about people. I guess I lacked the mental/psychiatric support.

For the past 4 years I've received mental healthcare.

But what I really need is emotional care. Ok, I suppose I need care for my psychical state???I wonder now if I ever did as the only physical complaint I had 4 years ago was backpain and that is from osteoarthritis which is hereditary. Maybe it was age??? Anyways, I bottled up emotions and it makes me a wreck. The only real hugs I received was from my parents, those were fine but that's what I call a parent hug. And that's also an old people's hug :D.

People are reserved when they talk to me. I want to open up but I'm afraid I will hurt someone. I'm emotionally quite intelligent and I can be forcing without wanting to. Also my first thought about opening up is crying for all the misery I've had to experience from others, and also my own I guess, at least from my lack of behavior towards others.

Yes I don't behave well towards men and women. I have some light sexual issue and since I have a lot of female tutors which are closedminded I've been stuck in this place for years being isolated. I believe I may suffer from chr