I don't know that I'm bipolar but,
I have always had very manic behavior. I attribute a lot of it to upbringing where my parents were not attentive and I learned to throw temper tantrums to gain attention, saying things like I wanted die even if I didn't feel that way, I just wanted someone to listen. The temper tantrums got progressively more violent. Now, I have no relationship with my family but I find I still throw these tantrums toward my partner (who is never anything but attentive and caring). The other day I had an outburst and grabbed hold of the car wheel from the passenger seat. I don't remember doing this. I "woke up" kneeling on the floor of the passenger side of the car and we had drove into a median. I don't understand why I could do something that I genuinely wouldn't mean to do in my right mind? Or how I could possibly have blacked out and lost all control of my body? Things usually start to blur when I am angry but this has never happened on such a level.
@turquoiseGrapes5391
I imagine this to be a scary experience, no wonder you feel so shocked and confused but I am glad you shared here and hopefully feel light taking it out.
Do you consider talking to a professional who can guide you ?
I’m going to be honest…I don’t like self diagnosing or using the word “manic” if you don’t know if you have manic episodes which can only be determined by a doctor. Temper tantrums are not “mania”. Mania is the same as hypomania but more severe (sometimes with psychotic features). I experience hypomania as I am bipolar 2. This displays for me as getting 3-4 hours of sleep at night for 4-7 days and not being tired (literally at all), feeling euphoric, waking up and being so annoyed just hearing my partner breathe irritates me, very hyper-sexual, I get really amped thinking about my future and all the things I am going to accomplish even if it’s unrealistic, starting new “passions”/projects with extreme intensity then abandoning them, and lastly planning trips on a whim even if it’s not financially a good decision. OH also spending all my money/maxing my credit card and causing myself to not be able to afford basic needs. If you identify with this, see a psychiatrist.