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I don't know that I'm bipolar but,

turquoiseGrapes5391 May 11th, 2022

I have always had very manic behavior. I attribute a lot of it to upbringing where my parents were not attentive and I learned to throw temper tantrums to gain attention, saying things like I wanted die even if I didn't feel that way, I just wanted someone to listen. The temper tantrums got progressively more violent. Now, I have no relationship with my family but I find I still throw these tantrums toward my partner (who is never anything but attentive and caring). The other day I had an outburst and grabbed hold of the car wheel from the passenger seat. I don't remember doing this. I "woke up" kneeling on the floor of the passenger side of the car and we had drove into a median. I don't understand why I could do something that I genuinely wouldn't mean to do in my right mind? Or how I could possibly have blacked out and lost all control of my body? Things usually start to blur when I am angry but this has never happened on such a level.

2
Optimisticempath May 18th, 2022

@turquoiseGrapes5391

I imagine this to be a scary experience, no wonder you feel so shocked and confused but I am glad you shared here and hopefully feel light taking it out.

Do you consider talking to a professional who can guide you ?

babygargoyle May 19th, 2022

I’m going to be honest…I don’t like self diagnosing or using the word “manic” if you don’t know if you have manic episodes which can only be determined by a doctor. Temper tantrums are not “mania”. Mania is the same as hypomania but more severe (sometimes with psychotic features). I experience hypomania as I am bipolar 2. This displays for me as getting 3-4 hours of sleep at night for 4-7 days and not being tired (literally at all), feeling euphoric, waking up and being so annoyed just hearing my partner breathe irritates me, very hyper-sexual, I get really amped thinking about my future and all the things I am going to accomplish even if it’s unrealistic, starting new “passions”/projects with extreme intensity then abandoning them, and lastly planning trips on a whim even if it’s not financially a good decision. OH also spending all my money/maxing my credit card and causing myself to not be able to afford basic needs. If you identify with this, see a psychiatrist.