How do you find having Bipolar?

@redhailstone hi wanna talk 

Felt. Heard. Seen.

I wasn’t diagnosed until a few years ago in my mid twenties. I’ve struggled to be able to self regulate and stick to my medication and it has cost me.

I’ve lately had this clarity where I look back and can track where it has uprooted what could have been a very good life.

@redhailstone

i have a different concept of being bipolar........i am bipolar because i am a strong empath i feel other peoples emotions around me like there my own....after some 30 years ive learned to manage my own emotions and the others from other people i can now tell the difference between the two..

It's hard to keep going, I'm currently in a depressed mood.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at 20 (21 now). I’ve been learning how to cope with my symptoms through both research and my experiences with them. My depression mostly appears in the form of extreme apathy, but even then I can get basic tasks done (while avoiding too much interaction with others). The biggest issue at the moment is my hypomania, which leads to me not knowing whether I want something because I want it or if it’s a symptom of my condition. This applies to my relationships with others, my interests and aspirations, and all money related expenditures. I try my best to keep learning more and more about possible triggers for hypomania and depression in order to reduce the amount of episodes and the severity of episodes I have. I continue to find the most solace in my friends which I have also found to have bipolar disorder. They understand me, I can relate to them, things that most people wouldn’t be able to understand even if they did a whole lot of research. But, I still realize my duty to let those I care about of my condition and make sure they’re properly informed to mitigate and damages that may come of it. At one point I had to really consider whether I was using my condition as an excuse, and I didn’t want to have those thoughts anymore so I made changes to how I approached things. I’ll keep working hard to prove my worth and to make my quality of life and interactions better each and every time. I am Bipolar. Bipolar is not Me.

@redhailstone An emotional roller coaster 

Being happy becomes a curse in bipolar disorder. Like I usually experience head ahes, memory problems, rapig thoughts sleeplessness when I'm happy or highly irritated.

Eventually I tried to express happiness in modest. I cut down noises, crowd, and isolate my self for a while then I get ok. If I don't then the happiness takes a turn into fights, rage with other along with drastic behaviours like talking a lot, spending alot. So happiness is always poison coated .

A rollercoaster

@redhailstone

First off, always take your meds. Just cuz you feel "fine" doesn't mean you can stop taking your meds. 

For me though bipolar means so many things. It means being aware of my moods. It means knowing if I'm going to run out of meds. It means never ever being ashamed of what is going on in your brain. Having your support people. Knowing limits. Knowing when to ask for help. Being honest with your support people and your providers. Coming to terms that this is a lifetime situation, not a battle. Just something you can manage and learn to treat and handle and cope with as long as you make an effort too. You have to try. Meds are not magic. You will struggle some days so much harder than others and still get told that you're being "irrational" or "maybe you are just manic/depressed" or "you're not thinking clearly". Anytime you screw up or get mad or forget or get sad or have a little bit more of emotion than what others think is "normal", they will just blame it on your bipolar disorder. You can control this to some extent. You have to be stronger than others. Slowly pull yourself out of the hole you're in and dig out of whatever you and others think you're in. If anything motivates you, let it be that you will show so many people, including those suffering, that we can and will succeed and function. 

If you get down that's ok. Start over. That's what I have to do. If I can't stop and I'm on a very rare manic episode I will go to my person and ask for help eventually. 

Lastly, having bipolar disorder or any mental illness feels like a curse. We can't sit and constantly feel sorry about it. At times yes we're allowed to though. But my point is that we have got to make our voices heard and not let anyone ever feel ashamed or that there is some stigma related to what is going on in their life. We all know how it feels and we all know how to help others.

That's how my illness affects me. I try to make sure others don't feel as ostracized as I did. And as others have. As labeled. Just helping one person one time could change their whole life. I know we've all felt it. This is hard but we got this. And I'm here for anyone who needs to talk.