ADHD friend
One of my best friends has ADHD and despite knowing her since grade school, I feel like the ADHD has only started to come between us in the last few years or so (we are just post-college now). Before, we were able to listen to music, dance, play dolls, talk about manga and anime, create cosplays, write stories together, and draw together. Since college began, she gave up writing stories with me (because she can't focus and she told me I'm just a better writer anyways) and drawing (same excuses) and she won't cosplay with me anymore (can't focus and she says the conventions are a waste of time and money). She's addicted to YouTube and advent calendars and nail polish and going shopping and crystals and her phone- she's a self proclaimed 'material gorl'. She has to text everyone while she is with me. She darts from one overwhelmingly shiny thing to the next to the next and I drive her shopping while really enjoying nothing. She shoves dumb YouTube shorts and TikToks in my face and I am overwhelmed. We almost never talk about deeper/more complex topics or non-materalistic stuff and I love her and I want to support her, but it literally kills me hanging out with her and I don't know what to do. Without someone to support my own interests, I've lost my interest in those interests and I am massively depressed and feeling lost. Hanging out with her is at once too much and also not enough. It's like eating cake with lots of empty calories- I just feel so sick.
@determinedSea4370
Hey there,
I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s tough when friendships change, especially when you’ve shared so many good times together. But being a best friend means supporting each other, even when things shift.
Just because your friend’s interests have changed doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you love. Your hobbies are your passions, and it’s important to keep enjoying them, whether or not your friend is involved. It’s great to have things that make you happy and keep you feeling fulfilled.
Maybe you can find a balance between her new interests and your own. Support her in what she enjoys, but also make sure you take time for the things you love. Friendships are about growing together, even if that means finding new ways to connect.
Hang in there, and remember to take care of your own happiness too.
@BlaiseAce Thank you. I think I just struggle with change- I've probably changed too, but I panic whenever I try to acknowledge that. The past is the only comfort I feel I have. Without her support for my interests, I'm really struggling with my sense of self. It doesn't help that I had a very traumatic medication rollercoaster over the spring and summer that has left me feeling completely broken and I need her help to rebuild who I am, but she's just not helping me in the ways that I need to be helped. I know it's not really anout her. It's me. I need to accept the relationship for what it is now and start looking for new friends that share my interests.
Also I have to say, it really bothers me that you titled your post "ADHD friend." It's like you're reducing your friend to their condition to grab attention. As someone who is also neurodivergent, I know how painful it can be when people define you by your differences.
Your friend is so much more than their ADHD. They have a unique personality, interests, and qualities that make them who they are. Labeling them like this feels disrespectful and oversimplifies their identity.
Please think about how your words can impact others. We should strive for empathy and respect in the way we talk about people, especially our friends.
@BlaiseAce Sorry, I hadn't considered it would be disrespectful. I've been trying to educate myself about ADHD and how her brain works and I think I might have been preoccupied with that. I think I mainly added ADHD to the title because while no one should be reduced to just their labels, I also feel like the attention-span issues, the impulsivity, and the difference in my stimulation needs vs hers could be hinted to in the title with 'ADHD'. But, I don't know if my reasoning justifies the title. I don't know, I'm not very good with things like this. If you were me, what title would you have used for this post?
