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Ive been lying to my family about who i am for years
Gumshoes August 5th, 2023

my family thinks I've been going to college and that I have a job and this November i go to visit them

My old therapist said I lie as a defense mechanism but it weighs me down to lie
But telling them that im disabled and cant work is a no go she'll disown me
And idk what to do, do I tell her I dropped out of this non-existent school?

I wish I could tell her about my actual situation but I've seen how she treats my mom and other people like me,, and I know I did this to myself. please don't be mean.

5
CalmRosebud August 5th, 2023

@Gumshoes

I'm here to listen and provide support. Lying can be a form of self-preservation, but in this case, it's clear that it's causing you distress. Here are a few ways to approach the situation:

  1. Consider talking to your therapist or another trusted professional for guidance on how to navigate this conversation with your mother. They can help you explore different options and strategies for disclosing the truth while also protecting your mental health and well-being.
  2. If you're not comfortable having this conversation in person, consider writing a letter or sending an email. This can help you take the time to express your thoughts and emotions, and it can also give your mother a chance to process the information without feeling pressured to react in the moment.
  3. Prioritize your own needs and boundaries. While it's important to consider your mother's feelings, it's also important to take care of yourself. If you don't feel safe or supported in a conversation with your mother, it's okay to set boundaries or seek support from others. Consider reaching out to a friend, support group, or crisis helpline if you need additional support or resources.
  4. Remember that you're not alone. Many people struggle with similar challenges, and there are resources and support available to help. Don't hesitate to seek help or support if you need it. And always remember, you are valuable and worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of your circumstances.


1 reply
Gumshoes OP August 5th, 2023

@VioletVeritas

It's not my mother, it's my grandmother. I'm sorry I should've been more clear in my post
And i no longer have a therapist, if i still saw her i wouldn't be using this site

and disclosing the years of lies is not an option, she'd never speak to me again
I've already set boundaries, I live across the country to her.
I just don't want her to know what's actually going on

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serenePineapple7180 August 5th, 2023

@Gumshoes

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you're struggling with your grandmother, standing in your truth, and protecting yourself all at the same time. I too struggle with my relationship with my parents and wish it was much more open and healthy. I have largely told my parents the truth not withholding much and thus I do not have much of a relationship with them anymore due to that and their choices in relation to it. I hope things go smoothly when you go back regardless of what you choose


1 reply
Gumshoes OP August 5th, 2023

@serenePineapple7180

Thank you

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MDF7 August 21st, 2023

This is a hard situation to be in. I have also lied to my family out of fear of their judgment. It seems like the only thing to do in your situation is to decide which one is stronger: your guilt over lying to them or your desire to maintain a relationship with them. I think once you figure that out you’ll be able to decide what to do. 💜

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