Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do you build confidence with your social anxiety?

chibihida August 21st, 2020
.

Hi, my name is Hida and I struggle with anxiety... I've already been working on rationalizing, and self soothing, and trying to get myself out of the rut of being afraid of people. But I'm still struggling with confidence and self-esteem issues.

My problem is that most "guides" or "techniques" focus on changing cognitive thinking or the negtaive thoughts, but that exercise is pointless for me. I'm still in a hostile environment, whether that's online or even just with people. Thinking "positively" won't do anything because these thoughts are a necessary defense mechanism.

My question is what have people done to boost their self confidence despite their anxiety. Like, say they post something online yet get negative feedback for it, how do they keep themselves strong. How do you remind yourself that it's other people in the wrong or have said something offensive, etc, not you. I want to be able to stand on my own and disagree with someone without feeling like it's the end of the world when I do.

8
sympatheticKitten8138 August 22nd, 2020
.

@chibihida

One thing that might help is that this kind of thing takes time. It will take months or years, not a few days. How long have you been working on yourself for? And how much confidence are you aiming for?

Im not an expert so take this with a grain of salt, but to me, online confidence comes from real life confidence. If you are working hard to improve yourself, challenging yourself, and learning new things in real life, then people on the internet dont feel so scary anymore. If anything, they start to look kind of lame.

chibihida OP August 22nd, 2020
.

@sympatheticKitten8138

This has been happening since beginning of last year. I should say I do already feel a vast improvement since then, but because I was in an unsupportive environment for so long (which I did take myself out of, for the most part) I still struggle with conversation over serious topics, or even just stating my own opinion if it happens to differ from other people's.

The truth is I was coming from a really, really, really low place, so I know I can't expect the impossible right away, but I don't even know how to keep going from here, since now I can't see anyone irl lol.

I used the online thing as an example lol. I literally just want to be able to say my point of view on a topic and argue it without shaking or feeling scared or like I'm doing something wrong, even if people aren't "on my side" or "agreeing" with me right away.

sympatheticKitten8138 August 22nd, 2020
.

@chibihida

oooh okay I can see where youre coming from now.

We can practice talking about uncomfortable topics here if you want. I promise I wont get offended by anything, nor will judge. Or you can start with something milder, just to get the ball rolling.

A couple of questions to kick start the conversation:

- do you have any unpopular opinions about love and relationships?

- what is something that annoys you about society?

- is there a type of person that irritates you?

- tell me about one person you cannot stand to be around

chibihida OP August 22nd, 2020
.

@sympatheticKitten8138

lol diving right into it, are we? Well, let's try the first two:

Personally, I think the idea of romantic love is ruining us as a whole. Almost every major movie or TV show, no matter the genre, has some sort of romance in it. BUT these depictions almost never show an ongoing relationship. It's always "will they, won't they" or a quest of the "guy/girl getting the girl/guy". Once they're "together" it's the end and happily ever after for them, and we've been saturated with the idea that this is what will make them/us happy. But if you ever look at the major pictures and sequels and franchises, you'll notice that the "relationship" that happened at the end of the first movie never continues on in the next one. There's either a new person, or, during the second movie, they're in some kind of rut. and THEN the subplot of the movie is "how will they get back together???"

It's almost like Hollywood knows that a relationship isn't the happy, carefree, magical escape it tries to depict it as. But it can't go back on that now because the wedding industry has already reeled us in and doesn't want to let go. And now our divorce rates are skyrocketing because we like the "idea" of marraige but have no clue how to have an actual relationship. Like how it takes commitment and work and love and compromise.

lol, and since this is a practice about arguing and confrontation, here's what I WISH I could say out loud to people's faces about our society: those people who know the truth about the daimond industry, especially the horrific slave-labor involved in mining natural daimonds, yet still turn the other way and insist on having a "real daimond ring" for their precious marraige are absolutely heartless. Is that harsh? Yes, but I don't know how else to describe people who will look at human cruelty and laugh it off just so they can have something sparkly on their finger. (That's not an attack on gemstones or jewelry in general btw- nothing wrong with lab created or alternative gems.)

I think that better describes my problem tbh. If we were to somehow get on the topic of rings, I'd want to be able to speak up and say how awful daimonds are, and even if people just try to shrug it off to push back and say "no, really, the practices are awful. How can you see people in pain and just look the other way like that?" without being scared I'm "ruining everything"- even if it's something serious like this.

pinkMap8096 August 22nd, 2020
.

@chibihida

Been around people makes me terrified to (even respones online), I keep thinking they'll never like me or that they just tolerate me out of compromise, one thing that helped me from a brief time was judging them as well so that gave me false ego and, for a while, I wasnt afraid to talk to people but then my mood just depend on what people say to me, but to answer your question some days are easier than others and the negative feedback sometimes it s so stupid that you would just laugh, it gets better.

chibihida OP August 22nd, 2020
.

@pinkMap8096

lol well I def can't do that. A false ego will deflate so quickly it will leave me feeling worse than before. Thanks for trying though lol. I'll see if I can laugh at myself anytime soon.

DavidBarker77 May 20th, 2022
.

I believe this could help : https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1102011134

SaireJameDavid December 1st, 2022
.

@chibihida Hi I have some gifts for you to help in battling anxiety, please see below:


Source: Controlling Social Phobia

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101998523?q=social+anxiety&p=doc

A Song about battling Anxieties

https://www.jw.org/en/library/music-songs/original-songs/each-day-has-its-own-anxieties/?content=video

How to cope Succesfully with Anxiety?

https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/watchtower-study-april-2022/How-to-Cope-Successfully-With-Anxiety/

If the topic you want is not listed above you can check more helpful article about anxiety here: https://www.jw.org/en/search/?q=anxiety

Stay safe always <3 I love you, we love you, we are here for you.

----

Also some tips:

What makes you anxious?
Do the following statements describe how you feel at times?

“I’m constantly thinking: ‘What if . . . ?’ ‘What if we get in a car accident?’ ‘What if our plane goes down?’ I’m anxious about things that a more rational person wouldn’t worry so much about.”?—Charles.

“I feel anxious all the time, as though I were a hamster on a wheel running around but never getting anywhere. I’m working myself to death but not really accomplishing anything!”?—Anna.

“When people tell me that I’m fortunate that I’m still in school, I say to myself, ‘They have no idea how stressful school is!’”?—Daniel.

“I’m like a pressure cooker. I’m always worried about the next thing that will happen or the next thing I need to do.”?—Laura.

Fact of life: We live in what the Bible calls “critical times hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1) Because of that, anxiety can affect young people as much as it affects adults.

Is anxiety always bad?
The answer is no. In fact, the Bible says that it is right for people to be anxious to please the ones they love.?—1 Corinthians 7:?32-34; 2 Corinthians 11:28.

Also, let’s face it?—anxiety can be a powerful motivator. For example, suppose you will be taking a test at school next week. Anxiety might compel you to study this week?—and that might help you get a better grade!

A degree of anxiety can also alert you to danger. “You might feel anxious because you know that you’re taking a wrong course of action and that you need to make changes for your conscience to be at rest,” says a teenager named Serena.?—Compare James 5:14.

Fact of life: Anxiety can work for you?—as long as it moves you to the right kind of action.

But what if anxiety traps you in a maze of negative thinking?

A man helps a teenage boy find his way out of a maze
Anxiety might make you feel as if you were trapped in a maze, but someone with a different perspective can help you find a way out

Example: “My mind races when I think about the different ways a stressful situation could turn out,” says 19-year-old Richard. “I play the situation over and over in my mind to the point that it makes me very anxious.”

The Bible says that “a calm heart gives life to the body.” (Proverbs 14:30) On the other hand, anxiety can bring on a number of unpleasant physical symptoms, including headaches, dizziness, upset stomach, and heart palpitations.

What can you do if anxiety seems to be working against you rather than for you?

What you can do
Question the reasonableness of your anxiety. “Being concerned about your responsibilities is one thing; being overly anxious is another. It reminds me of the saying, Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”?—Katherine.

The Bible says: “Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?”?—Matthew 6:27.

What this means: Unless anxiety leads you toward a solution, it will only add to your problem?—or become your problem.

Take things one day at a time. “Think it through. Will what you are anxious about matter tomorrow? in a month? in a year? in five years?”?—Anthony.

The Bible says: “Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.”?—Matthew 6:34.

What this means: It makes little sense to take on tomorrow’s problems?—some of which may never even become a reality.

Learn to live with what you cannot change. “The best you can do is prepare for situations to the extent possible, but accept the fact that some situations are out of your control.”?—Robert.

The Bible says: “The swift do not always win the race, . . . nor do those with knowledge always have success, because time and unexpected events overtake them all.”?—Ecclesiastes 9:11.

What this means: Sometimes you cannot change your circumstances, but you can change the way you view them.

Put your situation in perspective. “I find that I have to focus on the big picture and not stress over the details. I have to choose my battles and channel my energy into taking care of priorities.”?—Alexis.

The Bible says: “Make sure of the more important things.”?—Philippians 1:?10.

What this means: People who put their anxieties in perspective are less likely to be overwhelmed by them.

Talk to someone. “When I was in the sixth grade, I would come home from school very anxious, dreading the next day. My mother and father would just listen to me as I expressed myself. It was so good to have them there. I could trust them and speak freely to them. It helped me to face the next day.”?—Marilyn.

The Bible says: “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.”?—Proverbs 12:25.

What this means: A parent or a friend might be able to give you practical suggestions on how to reduce your anxiety.

Pray. “Praying?—and doing so aloud so I can hear my voice?—helps me. It allows me to vocalize what I am anxious about instead of keeping it in my head. It also helps me to realize that Jehovah is greater than my anxiety.”?—Laura.

The Bible says: “Throw all your anxiety on [God], because he cares for you.”?—1 Peter 5:7.

What this means: Prayer is not a mental trick. It is real communication with Jehovah God, who promises: “Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you.”?—Isaiah 41:10.

When Anxiety Is Severe
Some young people suffer from chronic anxiety. For example, a teenager named Jenna says: “As a result of anxiety, I had a constant headache, I couldn’t focus, I would sleep for days or not sleep for days, I wouldn’t eat, or I would eat too much?—I was wired all the time. Very small problems seemed like mountains.”

When anxiety is prolonged or excessive, it might be good for you to get a medical checkup. That’s what Jenna did. “After receiving treatment, I can handle things better and I have control over my anxiety,” she says.

WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY
Carissa
“When I face anxiety, I pour out my heart to Jehovah in prayer. I can sleep well at night, knowing that the problem is in Jehovah’s hands?—and that’s the best place for me to place my life and my anxiety.”?—Carissa.

Samantha
“I always think to myself, ‘Why worry about things I can’t do anything about at the moment, or ever?’ I think about Jesus’ words at Matthew 6:27. This helps me to rely on Jehovah and listen to his advice.”?—Samantha.