Feeling so alone
Hey all,
I've been having a rough year, had an "event" earlier this year that led to some PTSD symptoms and subsequent treatment (thankfully I recovered most from that). Other than that I've ben unemployed since, starting work again soon but it's gonna take time because I'm so weak mentally I need to build up some mental strength I guess (tried an intensive Yoga class 2 days ago, spoiler: didn't end too well, still feeling the effects of that one pshh).
Anyway, I could deal with all of that but the most awful thing I find about all this is that, since I quit work earlier this year I lost the only place I feel like I could be myself and feel comfortable with myself. For the last 8 months I've very rarely had any space I feel where I can relax and enjoy and just not be hampered by my stupid social anxiety inhibitions. More than anything, I feel this the thing I find hardest: wherever I go, therapy, parents, "friends" (with which I'm awkward all the time of course), I can't help but feel weak and unconfident and just feel like the smallest most scared version of myself I can be.
Can anyone identify? I miss having an environment and people I can chill with and be my somewhat more confident side so damn much. I feel at times I'm losing track of myself cuz all I feel is anxious, scared, unconfident anymore. It's such a trap because more than anything I just miss talking to someone and feeling close to someone just so damn much.
Thank you for sharing that with us on here.
@Asherwolfice
Thank you for the response, I appreciate it truly.
Things aren't much better right now sadly. I'm feeling so insecure about myself, even though I like my qualities I'm just in a space right now where I just feel so very awful (unemployed, very little social contact, and some of the contacts that I have only make me feel more isnecure, ugh). I'm really hoping to start working (volunteerwork) soon a more regular basis but due corona of course it is kind of messy finding someonewhere where they take in new people. Lots of up and downs and now is definite a down for me, but I'm going to try to find a new workplace again tomorrow and hoping things are going to be looking up soon.
@yellowBike1922
I think I can relate to what you might be going through. It sounds like you have lost confidence in yourself in many aspects of life, possibly because of a traumatic event that happened recently. You also lost the social circle of people that you felt comfortable around which makes your lack of confidence even more of an issue.
If this is correct, I went through a similar situation several years ago. It is a downward spiral since the more you think about the issue, the bigger it becomes. Everyone is different, but here are a few things I did which I feel eventually led me out:
1: I tried to be kinder to myself. I cut myself some slack for not having the perfect life.
2: I started focusing on what I enjoyed instead of what I felt was wrong with me. I tried to surround myself with little things that made me smile or made me feel good. Pictures on a wall, my favorite music, a walk in the woods, petting an animal. Nothing expensive or complicated, just simple pleasures that moved my mind in a different direction.
3: I learned something brand new. A computer program or game, a musical instrument. I started very slow and remembered #1 to be kind to myself in the learning process.
The combination of these three things slowly helped me regain my confidence in myself. It was not quick but I was able to see little signs of progress very early to keep me motivated.
Once you start getting your confidence rebuilt in one area of life, other things will start to become easier as well.
Good Luck!
@BrighterWay68
Thank you for the reply, it is good to hear from someone who experienced a similar situation (though not good for you that you were in theat situation of course!) and thank you for sharing the things that helped you progress. I am noticing myself that redirecting my energy towards fruitful pursuits really does make a difference instead of sometimes sitting around too much and worrying (which is something I am guilty of from time to time, though I do try to stay productive!). Focusing on good things sounds like a good thing to do, and I have picked up drawing and am practicing a lot which does help keeping my focus forward. Thank you for the kind words and wishes :-)
@yellowBike1922. You've been through so much and it's natural all the isolation is making you feel insetcue and uncertain. Im no longer working either and I know what you mean. I understand. Just know you aren't alone, many of us are also in your place and it's no one's fault. It's circumstances. At least there's always someone to talk to at 7 Cups.
@Riverswancycnus
Yes, I'm presuming a lot of people are hit with this, especially with the pandemic that is still going strong at the moment. Thank you for the kind words, I am really happy that this place exists, there are so many kind people here and it feels really nice having a place to at least talk with others about stuff that is going on. Hopefully things will look up soon, for me but you too, but in the meantime it is nice to be able to share :-)
Just an update, still feeling rather bad but have some new work oppertunities planned and with a little luck I should meet some new people soon! Dunno if I'll hit it off very much but in the very least I'll be around other people than I'm currently seeing which for me is a very comforting prospect lol (not that I'm not appreciating the ppl around me now, but it'll feel good to see some other faces rn instead of my therapist and parents even though they are very supportive).
Your situation hits home. I resigned from a position where I had friends, respect, and a future years back. My intent was a short sabatical (maybe a year) to try to get things ironed out between the public schools and our adopted kids. When that wasn't successful, it turned into 10 years of homeschooling. Now that the kids have all graduated, I am faced with the fact that all of my friends were coworkers and business associates ... who have long moved on. In business I was outgoing; but in the personal arena, I am in introvert. I feel more alone in a crowd than by myself. In 2020, I had just started forcing myself out and into some social situation; but then the virus mess crushed all that.
I said all that to say, I made it a point to reach out to those I lost connections with (years ago) over the holidays ... simply a text to touch base and wish them a great year to come. The responses were welcoming, uplifting, and provided openings to meet up again (albeit later in the year). Just that small bit of re-validation has been a boost to my feelings of self-worth as an indiviual.
You might go through your contact list and try reconnecting, if only in a text. You never know who might be missing you. Best wishes for new beginnings!
