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Justme1225
2,975 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 103 Compassion hearts75 Forum posts80 Forum upvotes103 Current upvotes103 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceApril 25, 2020
Recent forum posts
Sanity or Sacrifice?
Family & Caregivers / by Justme1225
Last post
 October 18th, 2021
...See more I am torn between showing unconditional love for a problematic (non-minor) daughter and keeping my own sanity in check. We took her in (and her two younger siblings) when she was 7. Coming from foster care, there is always going to be baggage; but from that point forward she has lived in a stable two-parent home with Christian values. I will also add that we adopted the six after our biological children were grown. So, we were not inexperienced parents when we took them all on. Out of a total of six that we adopted; and she has been the biggest challenge of them all … and believe me … that is saying something. This particular daughter left home (and abandoned college) for a lifestyle she knew was against everything we had modeled and tried to teach her; has always been - and continues to be - incapable of telling the truth about anything (whether there is reason or benefit from doing so or not); perseveres in totally irresponsible life choices; and has no concern for the consequences (that impact not only her, but others). On a side note, she usually dresses in an embarrassingly inappropriately manner and her mouth has no filter. Although she left town for a time, she moved back last year. She is now 24; has recently given birth to a fourth illegitimate child (calling from the hospital to gush about that being the hospital she wants to use when she has her next child); and is content to live on public assistance and misplaced charity from others. Child Protective Services has been involved from the birth of the first child; but has done little more than monitor. The kids are totally unmanaged; and the toddler wreaks havoc when they visit, while she (and the current boyfriend) just let it happen, think it is funny and make excuses … doing little to reign him in. With all that, having them visit is a chore, not a pleasure. I avoid inviting them for a meal, as the resulting mess is indescribable … picture three high chairs, with unrestrained food throwing and finger painting. When I do invite them, they are the only ones here besides us … as it is all I can handle. We have truly tried to provide guidance and help her improve her situation. In this last year, we gave her a car (I say gave, since she isn’t making the agreed payments), bought her a brand new washer and dryer (yet they are always in dirty clothes), bought a kitchen table and chairs … as well as 2 high chairs to help manage the children. I have bought cookware, clothing, general household items, cleaning supplies, groceries, and numerous other things. Her apartment remains dirty and disheveled; and she continues on the same path as she did without any of that. This is her chosen situation. Now the quandary of the day … it is Good Friday and my son’s family is coming for Easter dinner and an egg hunt for his children. I don’t want to invite this other daughter and her children (+ boyfriend). If they come, nobody else will be able to enjoy the afternoon … because she and all of the above issues will suck the air out of the room. The entire time would be spent on damage control, rather than any form of relaxation and enjoyment by anyone else. Only one other family member is being invited … as he is also in the same town … is 20 years old … and lives alone. I wouldn’t ostracize this daughter from a true “family celebration” … in spite of the concerns … and would be critical of anyone who wanted me to do so. This, however, is not a full-family event … none of the other (out-of town, albeit nearby) family has been invited. Would you invite the problem daughter (et al) just because she is family and local … but making it a miserable time for everyone else? Or would you not invite them, and enjoy the company of the others … knowing her feelings will be hurt and you will feel selfish afterwards for doing so?
Adult Children that Bring More Pain than Joy
50 & Over Community / by Justme1225
Last post
 January 17th, 2021
...See more I am the biological mother to 3, step-mother to 2, and adoptive mother of 6. Ages range from 18-48. Three years ago I endured an emotionally shattering experience with three of my adult children and (what used to be) my church and community. It revolved around slander, malignment, and having absolutely no voice against it. After 2 years of counseling, I thought I was making headway ... at least enough that I could just say "it is what it is" and try to start anew. Thanks to Covid, I had to stop the counseling and have not resume it. And, to be honest, I felt I was going to fine without it. Then, over the holidays (but not really related to them), a similar event has occurred/begun ... courtesy of the same three. Sadly, I am seriously considering breaking all communication with the three who are responsible. Doing that will not change the situation that I am the brunt of; but it would limit future opportunities for more anger and hurt. I turned 65 on Christmas Day. To add insult to injury, I didn't get so much as a text from any of the 3. Right now, I am ready to pour myself into the ones that show some love and respect and basically disown the others. Although I'm not sure that is an accurate term, since one of them already told me "you are no longer my mother" ... just before depositing the $400 check I sent her for Christmas. Thoughts, anyone?
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