feeling like I've given up on trying
Hi everyone,
I just feel like every little bit of bravery I've built up over the past few years has been knocked down.
I just don't have the courage to go out and do simple things like go to the bank or return my textbooks-- most of small tasks are just sitting on my desk, ignored. I have to give myself talk myself down from anxiety attacks to go to work, and it takes so much energy just to get up and do simple things. I feel like the days are all slipping away from me.
I also just feel very isolated (obviously because of current events, but also just because of life). I feel like nobody really needs me or wants to have a conversation with me, and what few friends I've made I feel like I've effectively distanced myself from and I don't know how to get them back. I really crave people in my life, but it's just been so long of being alone.
Even before the pandemic, I was really, truly lonely. I feel like I'm stuck while everyone else is pushing forward.
It's really hard to be motivated and have dreams anymore, and yes, it sounds stupid to say, because I am a young adult and I should be more excited about life than I am but it's just so hard to feel anything anymore. I either feel indifferent or I feel too much about everything, and I just don't know how to handle it.
I really don't want to feel like this anymore, and I'm so done with feeling like I'm failing before I've even started. I've tried going to therapy in the past, which gave me techniques to handle panic attacks/ situations that may trigger my anxiety, but I feel like I need some advice as even when I implement breathing techniques, listening to music, trying to talk through it with myself, I still feel awful.
ANY advice would be greatly appreciated! I hope you all are hanging in there.
Emeri
@emerijourney
Hi, I read what youve written and it sounds to me like what im going through. I recently got some help and hope once i realized i was in my own way. I discovered that something that happened when i was 17 affected me so bad that i wouldnt admit my fears, and i felt unessesary shame. Looking back now 38 years ago, i realize i was just a kid at 17. The fear got quickly pushed down out of sight and i never allowed myself to confront it. I felt a sence of shame i remeber so i never talked about it.
It: it is ptsd, and you may have it. Its real and only you can decide to admit, confront, and get professional help for this. First you have to get out of your own way. Once you have suffered enough, you will decide to trust some pysciatrist and take what she reccomends. Get around others with ptsd as fast as you can. They are the only people that truly understand ptsd, they helped me.
I suffered 38 years, and nobody knew what was wrong with me, not even me.
In the past 3 months i see new hope and am starting to get my will back 😊
@juliak1968 also it's great to hear that you're doing well <3
@emerijourney
Thank you so much
Here is one poem i wrote as ive evolved
Im having a breakdown - too much self reflection led me to detections of rejections and upon a closer inspection I found many other defects, I recolect my introspection is causing to much internal conflicting. It might be my depiction of my situation is an overloading electrocution internalized distribution prolonging my confusion. My fear-based delusion is causing me to contimplate a red profusion from a percise insicion. But it remains my decision and i still maintain my vision of a life im somehow missing, so im just sitting; on my bench is a fitting place for my thoughts to race today. What else is there to say? Should I pray, should i get up, or stay here thinking of all the terrors and trembling caused by fear, for which im well aware will soon disapear.
@juliak1968 wow it's so powerful! <3
@emerijourney
Thank you, but as the meds began to help me, i sat on that bench more and began to appreciate the bench. Lifes a bench and Sit Happens 😊
my "Bench Honored" poem:
I imagine this tree was very wise, Is now in disguise
As a place that I , Can watch the time
Slowly going by, So I shall honor her respectfully
By carving on her decorately
A proper remembrance of my retrospectively, Pondering my destiny
@emerijourney
Have a good night 🖒😊
Im here often if you ever need to talk
Ciao
@juliak1968 thank you so much for sharing your own story, I really appreciate it! I'll definitely look into getting some professional help.
@emerijourney
I hope you dont needlessly suffer 38 years before getting the help. Being bullied or a scary situation could have planted the fear seed deep into your heart, you can get back your life with help. Fear is a corrosive theif that will rob you if not confronted.
Blessings
@emerijourney - My situation is very close to yours so I feel what you're saying and I feel your pain. I just do what I have to do and I don't give up on the hope that somehow, someway, things will get better. I don't know if I've actually given you any advice, but know you're not alone and you're in my thoughts and prayers.
@ilovekeylimepie thank you, that means a lot to me! I wish you all the best as well.
@emerijourney
The key to everything is to advocate for yourself, for your rights, use your witts, know you want to educate yourself because the best weapon is knowlege. And protect who you are, what you want, and distance yourself from anybody including family that uses or abuses you in any way.🖒😊
@emerijourney
I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed and alone. I also know how it feels to feel like you are going back on your progress. The truth is success never is a linear journey, and feeling a setback now does not mean that all the work that you have done and confidence that you have gained over the past few years was for nothing. This is a uniquely challenging and isolating time, and it is understandable that you would feel more alone now. I hope that you can see through the responses on this post and in the 7 cups community as a whole that you are not alone and that we can overcome this together.
We are all so proud of you for working so hard right now. I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by the little things and how much strength it takes you to achieve these tasks. What you feel is not stupid, it is valid. One thing that has helped me a lot is trying not to use words like "should" or "shouldn't" when I talk/think about where I am in my mental health journey or in life in general. For example, avoiding saying "I should have done better on that test" or "I shouldn't have eaten that." When I told myself those things I was constantly passing judgment over myself which made me feel a lot worse about situations that I could no longer change and increased my anxiety and fear of failure. Once I stopped labeling my emotions and accomplishments that way I was able to start validating my feelings and accepting myself for where I was in my journey. This helped me face my anxiety instead of feeling overwhelmed by it and was a huge step in my overcoming it. It took a lot of work, but it really was worth it.
@resourcefulStrawberry959 thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!
