My story..

@reliablebunny23 that's sad. Some people are just not nice for no reason other than themselves. I know how badly things like this can effect you😥 it's hard, it's heartbreking. But that chopsy happy girl you once was, is still in you she's just sleeping. I really hope you can wake her up soon and be that person again. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ small steps, everything will be ok ❤

@Tinywhisper11

Thank you so much < 3 ❤️ 

I remember you.... you commented on my last forum post too ❤️.. You're so sweet 🥺❤️. 

*hugs back*🫂

@reliablebunny23 ❤❤ don't let anyone destroy your spirit ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ right here for you

@Tinywhisper11

Yes. I'm trying. ❤️ Thnks for being there. ლ⁠(⁠・⁠﹏⁠・⁠ლ⁠) ❤️

@reliablebunny23 i can relate to this in one way or the other. I was also happy and always myself, but things went south when my closest friend died, i felt alone and depressed, i didn't want anything to do with anyone again.

I spent most of my days in isolation and that made a negative impact on my social life, I lived in isolation so much that I no longer get peace of mind unless I'm alone or with family members, i stopped seeing all my friends and that continued for months, i developed social anxiety and would have thoughts of people judging me negatively or talking trash behind my back, these thoughts become so frequent (due to isolation and like if interest in doing anything rather than lock myself in my room and do absolutely nothing) that i not only start to believe in them, but also act upon them. Whenever I'm with out of my room, i don't feel safe, o one occasion i had to take the long root to work or school just to avoid certain individuals, i don't like to meet new people because I'm more anxious around people who knew me.

I thought at the time that moving to a new location, getting a fresh start would solve my problem but that is proven to be false as i moved many times over the years. Long story short, I've lived this way for 5 years and currently living it and over the years developed coping strategies some positive (engaging in activities i enjoy) and some negative (addiction, which added more to my struggles).

Despite these, ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST as this happened before and will continue happening, life goes on no matter what, people find ways to cope. Many people walked this path and found solutions to break free, be normal and live a happy life, so will YOU and I, any day from now, it just requires patience, effort and guidance.

P.s don't judge yourself for past mistakes, it's human nature to make mistakes. What matters is to learn and move on.

@peaceseeker0

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it must be really very hard to go through all this alone.

I too have social anxiety, but I feel I have reduced it to a great extent now. 

Basically.. my fear of judgement is more online on social media than it is in real life. As this fear of judgement came from social media only.. 

I do fear judgement when it comes to my real life but less than that I fear online.  ( maybe also because I have tried some coping strategies in real life ).. 

Some coping strategies that I tried & I would like to suggest you :- 

Whenever I had to go somewhere outside ..

for example - going to my tution ( coaching) by walking.. it's a 5 minutes walk tho.. but my social anxiety used to make it super hard for me.. I feared being watched and judged by people likee a lotttttttt... in the beginning, I used to refuse going by walk and always asked my father to drop me there on a vehicle.. 

But, he didn't have much time, so I had to go alone by walking.. 

And when I regularly started going outside alone for so many days, it helped me, my social anxiety reduced. I won't say I didn't fear even a little bit judgement. I did. But I reminded myself a few things & asked myself questions. 

Which were " why would people judge you? you are just a normal human walking to your tution, you aren't doing anything wrong or any crime" 

But then sometimes, thoughts like " your outfit is weird," or any other insecurity would kick in.

So I asked myself " if anyone else was wearing this outfit, would I even care? Wouldn't I focus on where I have to go and what to do next? Why would I care about a random stranger's outfit or anything?"

I always reminded myself that " I ain't the main character in people's life. There are many other people on this road except me. No one's that free to find me and judge me.'

When I got used to of thinking this way, and I realized that people might not be judging me always. It's just my mind making me fear this. 

After this, I started asking myself " if anyone would judge me, does that even matter? Am I ever going to know what they are thinking about me? No, right? Then why do I care about their opinions & judgements especially those which are unknown to me. "

Remind & ask yourself these things when you are outside. Keep trying to go outside. A 5 minute walk nearby house would be enough too. But make it a habit to remind and ask yourself these things whenever you are outside. Keep trying other coping strategies you have. Once you get a lil bit comfortable with going on a walk with reminding and asking yourself these things then gradually, you can start going to different places. These were really helpful for me. I hope these help you as well. ❤️  

And yes let's not lose hope 🫂❤️. My situation is a lil different as it's more online. But I'll try to reduce my fear of judgement online too : )  I usually keep trying, but I don't know how to reduce fear of judgement online. I tried reminding myself things. But, online and real life is kinda different. Still, I'll try : ) 

I hope things get better for both of us. 🫂

You can let me know if you need more suggestions on reducing social anxiety. I'm here for you. I really hope you overcome social anxiety soon. ❤️

Tnx for the suggestions @reliablebunny23, i also implement mindfulness as a coping strategy and sometimes it makes the negative thoughts go away but sometimes the anxiety is so intense that i would rather miss a whole school day than to go outside.

For me, i think what accelerated my anxiety level is addictions. whenever I relapse, i get constant mood swings, i might look nice and open a minute ago and a minute later become anxious and depressed. This kind of behavior makes it very hard for people to associate with me, as a result i have only one friend who doesn't bother much about my mood swings.

I notice decrease in anxiety levels when I'm able to attain months worth of sobriety but alas at the end, urges, long term dependency and the emotional weight i carry around everyday overpower me and I relapse resetting my progress to zero. Something about addictions is that it will give you a huge jolt of happiness for a short time but makes you feel unhappy afterwards for a very long time. Just knowing this won't help stopping, as the brain become used to these sudden high levels of happiness.

Over the years, I've joined many sobriety groups and S.A.D anonymous programs, I've seen progress but temporarily.But here's the bright side of my story, i never gave up.

I never gave up on my personal development, that's why I'm here and i believe that someday in the near future all these will be history.

Tnx again for the suggestions, i will try my best to implement them especially the 5 minutes walk. I go out to school 5 days a week though but I will try 5 mins leisure walking.

Hre are other suggestions from different sources on social media anxiety (more related to your situation):

1. Seek clarity:

Do you have physical (face to face) interaction with the person that is ignoring you? If yes then try talking to that person in in real life rather than social media, if that's not possible then try reaching out to those near him in the effort to find out what's wrong. Most of the times, a person might be ignoring you not based on what you did but other underlying factors that might be affecting there lives. I went through this alot as people i used to hang out with suddenly realize I'm avoiding them. What bothered me was most of the time they will think it's because of something they did wrong and end up beating themselves up for something they didn't do, the fact is that my social anxiety is occasional not linear and that's the real reason why I avoid them, everyone thinks I'm avoiding only them but that's not the case, when I hit my lowest point, i don't feel comfortable being around anyone including my family. I can't express my struggles with everybody, people are different, some will reach out and ask why I've been avoiding them and i will explain so that they know it isn't their fault, others will sabotage themselves while others will try to avoid me back forever. This is just my current nature, sadly for now there's nothing i can do about it. So please next time seek clarity before making a decision.

2. Limit social media use:

Reduce your time on social media to avoid constant reminders of situation. Taking breaks can help lessen the impact of these feelings.

3. Strengthen other relations:

Invest time in other meaningful relationships and social connections. Building a supportive network can help alleviate these feelings.

I hope these help : )

@peaceseeker03

Getting rid of addiction must be very tough. But I'm proud of you for not giving up & for keep trying ❤️..

You already know that it will give happiness for short term, but the regret will be for long term, also the progress you made will be erased. You can remind yourself this whenever you get the urge again. 

I know the urge is very stronger & just reminding this won't help at times.. 

As you said, the thing is " the brain become used to these sudden high level of happiness " ... 

But there must be something that gives u more joy than this? You can tell urself that you will reward yourself with it if u control the urge.

Whenever the emotional weight gets too much for you to bear and the urge increases, remember to reach out & ask for help, listeners are here 24/7 & support room is here too. Remember, there are a lot of other coping strategies you can try instead of relying on any addiction. 

Focus on staying sober today, without worrying about tommorow, one day at a time. & Most importantly believe in your ability to change and maintain sobriety. You can do it. 

And thanks for those suggestions ❤️

I don't have face to face interaction with that person. I too had once thought that there could be some other reasons behind his changed behaviour, I tried to figure out too. 

But, I felt that his changed & cold behaviour was towards me only. He was behaving well with others (we were in some common group chats)..., I tried to talk to him in group, he didn't respond me, but he was responding everyone else ... & That made me feel I was giving myself excuses for his ignorance.

I might be overthinking at that time.. but.. that's how I felt.. and that increased my insecurity..

I have realized this now that the reason wasn't me... it might be something else.. 

But it's too late now.. I've already changed too much by now... : [ 

Things are complicated in my head, I believed this insecurity, judged myself & tried to change myself for more than an year ..  unbelieving this insecurity now is very hard for me. 

Well.. I'm just hoping to heal from this, & focus on my studies for now. I've deleted social media, & If I download, then I keep taking breaks, : )

@reliablebunny23

These kinds of thing, they hurt. And that's okay! It hurts, and maybe it will for a long time, and recognizing you're changing can be scary. And while yes, you didn't mean to changed and changed because of pain, you changed. And that's okay, we all change, it's part of life.

Now your job is to find the new you, the you that right now you will be happy with. And that's hard! But you can do hard things. It'll be okay, find what makes you happy, start a new journey

We are here for you! You are cared about 💚🩷

@LynLyn87

Thank you so much for your kind words.💓 means a lot. 🫂 

@reliablebunny23

In reply to....My Story....

It's hard when these things happen and yet so very easy to take these things personally because we always find ourselves asking if we either said or did something wrong to offend that person. 

There's always a very high chance these people you meet online may not reveal their true selves and unfortunately there are those (and many of them) whom choose to tell many lies and conceal their identities in a web of deceit.

From what you have written about this person in your post and by basing it upon your online relationship, there's the possibility this person was very comfortable at the start of this relationship with you and felt able to communicate with you and form a relationship with you.

However....  A plausible explanation may be that this person became a little too close in their communicative relationship with you and this lead on to your online friend becoming paranoid themselves, due to them not being fully truthful about who they were.

It is often (and with all fairness - correctly) assumed that someone may be avoiding us because they may find us irritating, annoying, creepy, scary, depressing, boring, aggressive and so on.... There may also be times when someone ignores us because we have caused offence.  

All very understandable explanations and these explanations may be even due to others making assumptions without getting to know the person they wish to avoid....  It gets complicated and it is very understandable for you to be upset by this.

Although it is always assumed that avoidance of people is due to the actual person avoided being the culprit of causing the offence, what often gets overlooked is the other very significant reason as to why someone may wish to avoid you and completely ignore you.  

That is because they are frightened....  Frightened of you getting to know the truth about them.

Firstly.  It's understanding why people tell lies, use a false identity, enhance or change their profile photos or use a totally different photo and the list can go on and on.  Putting it simply, there are many people out there (either online or in the physical world) who tell a myriad of lies about themselves, other people or there whereabouts or activities.

When people create a false identity or tell lies about themselves, they are doing it for a valid and genuine reason.  

Let's work out why your online friend became unfriendly towards you....

You met your friend online about a year ago.  You both started chatting online and became really good friends.  So far, so good.  You were talking a lot in the group chats and everything seemed to be going well.  

Then you mention the 'little bit of dm' as well....  Presumably you mean the direct messaging system in which you communicate between each other privately and it is an activity reserved for developing actual closer relationships with someone, such as a close friend, partner or relative.

The question....  What happened?  What happened to cause your new found friend to change their behaviour towards you by means of slowly ignoring you?  

The possible reason would have been because the person you befriended didn't want you to know who they really were.  Bear in mind that when you are direct messaging people on a regular basis, the privacy can mean more intimacy as the relationship between between you both gets stronger.

That's the reason why your new friend started to ignore you.  

Now.  It gets a little more complicated because it's about looking at the other 'sub-possibilities' as to why your friend changed their behaviour towards you and ignored you.

Let's look at some of these deeper possibilities for you being ignored by this new friend.

When people tell lies, use deception or hide their true selves for the purpose of their own benefit, they rely entirely upon the trust of the person they lie to and that trust cannot be in any way broken.  That trust within the other person may become fragmented if the liar makes a mistake and the person being lied to becomes suspicious....  

Such as the liar's story doesn't quite 'add up' or things don't quite make sense.  Maybe there are some errors made with regard to times or places and the person being lied to starts questioning the liar's descriptions of events and so on.

The person who tells lies and uses deceit may be doing so in order to make a gain from the other person who starts to trust them....  Such as a financial gain or some kind of dating scam in order to make money.  Again.  If the liar or scammer suspects the person they are lying to is in anyway suspicious, communication will cease.

Even in the physical world.  Once the liar finds themselves at risk of being found out in any way, they will avoid certain people if those people are showing any indication of being suspicious of realising the liar's true self and the web of deceit they spin around themselves and others.

Sadly...  The person you were communicating with may have not been fully honest with you about who they really were and in order to protect themselves, decided to severe all communication with you.  The 'change' in their behaviour towards you was a means to try and detract you from further communication in order to reduce any chances of you publicly raising any suspicion about them on a chat site, forum or other social media.

Direct messaging is more intimate and at that point in the communications with you, the person may have realised that by getting to close to you, there was a risk of you finding them out and even possibly running a risk to them being exposed.

Maybe this new friend realised you were someone who was not going to be so easily deceived so followed the path of their own suspicions and decided it was time to end all communication with you.

That may explain as to why this person's behaviour became 'cold'....  

It was to block you out in order to protect themselves - for whatever personal reason that may be.

Anyone who relies upon lies, deceit and underhanded behaviour really does need to have trust in the other person they communicate with because that person must in no way be at all (even not slightly) suspicious of the liar.  

The liar themself has to make some serious judgements about people they lie to and they may feel the person they lie to will possibly find out who they really are.  If they feel uncomfortable telling their lies to someone they suspect may be suspicious of them - the liar must move on.....

It means the person being lied to gets cut off completely and may even be asking why....  

Then they wonder if they have caused the offence of upsetting the liar.  However.  Even if the person being lied to doesn't suspect anything suspicious about the liar, it is still the liar's responsibility to make that call and decide if there is a risk of being found out.  A good liar needs to be very judgemental themselves.

Unfortunately.  Your so-called new friend may have suspected there was a chance you'll find out the truth of who this person really is and had to end the relationship with you.  

It wasn't you....  It was them.

However.  The next part of your story is more about you and what you can do to help yourself.

Admittedly.  You took this person's ignorance and avoidance of you very personally and that would have been very understandable.  Please remember that this person may have seriously intended for you to feel this way so as make sure you didn't communicate with them.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can really do about this because this new friend just doesn't want to communicate with you for whatever reason - and that reason could be that you may find out the whole truth about this person and they don't want you to do that.

This person may feel that you are not someone they wish to communicate with for that genuine reason.

Sometimes in life, we need to accept things as they are and move forward.  It may be in your best interests that this person has nothing to do with you anyway.

The very sad consequences about this episode in your life are you are now feeling very insecure about yourself and this has had an impact upon your own self-confidence because this so-called friend has awakened within you a full self-perception, leading on to a lot of self-evaluation.  A good thing in some ways but also bad because you can become negative about yourself for no reason and forget the good aspects of who you really are....  Remember.  You don't really know who this person is.

The problem isn't you and it could be said in your favour that this person realised you may not be someone who could be easily fooled by their lies and deception if they were to have taken the relationship further with you.

You could have still found yourself feeling very low, self-depreciated and confused had this person continued to communicate with you and eventually used you for whatever that person wanted from you.

There is a positive end to this part of your life story in which you could be much better off for not getting involved with this person at all.

Work on ways to improve your own self-confidence and self-awareness.  You've given focus on your negative aspects because you've based all of your mental energy on this person who at the end of the day, probably for whatever reason couldn't continue communicating with you.

Whoever this person is or was....  They were very possibly not going to be telling the truth about who they really were and sensed that you were hoping to take these communications further into a more tangible friendship and that is something the other person knew they couldn't risk.

Fair enough....  This person may have not been someone who aimed at deceiving people for nefarious reasons but could've been someone who wanted friendship but felt that they couldn't take things any further....  They may have been in a relationship (such as marriage or partnership) for example.

From what you've written, this person has communicated with you from time to time and in a manner that is only leading you to feel even more confused and disappointed.  Let this person go permanently from now on and focus on yourself.

If you have been struggling with your mental health, there's a chance an encounter such as what you've experienced with this person will have an impact upon your mental state of mind such as your sensitive emotions and all the mixed feelings this person has created within you.

There's even the possibility that this person is very slowly and softly trying to manipulate you for their own gains by working at wearing your fragile state of self-confidence to a level in which they can use you for their own advantage - even if like a cruel mind game.

This is why it is imperative you disconnect with this person.  Whatever their intentions are, they are not truthful and there's always going to be an element of deceit....  Totally not good and not a way to form the basis of any friendship, relationship or any kind of partnership, business or otherwise.

Disconnect from this person and focus on yourself.

Maybe some counselling could benefit you with regards to working on your low self-esteem, feelings of being deeply hurt and helping you to talk through the different feelings and emotions when you ever feel that people have treated you unfairly.  

Sometimes, it happens to those of us who are sensitive and want to feel valued by others that people can see an opportunity to take advantage of a personality trait that is a part of some of us, yet decide to treat these sensitive, gentle people cruelly and unfairly without giving consideration to how it hurts their feelings and cripples their already low self-esteem.

It's a sad and cruel life sometimes....

Counselling/therapy may be of help to discuss those feelings you are now harbouring with regard to having increased insecurity about yourself and how much this encounter has affected you. All the insecurity you felt through dealing with this person was probably not caused by this person, though it could easily be assumed so.  

In fairness, this person hasn't helped you feel confident about yourself, yet it could be possibly that this person sparked feelings within you of the chance of a good, solid friendship and when they chose to ignore you, the shock, disappointment and hurt feelings have now left you feeling exposed to thoughts of being weird, uncool and everyone hating you.

Maybe deep underneath it all, you genuinely felt this way about yourself a long time before this encounter and over a period of time, these negative feelings have grown quietly inside you, then suddenly exploded when you were rejected by this new friend online.  

You genuinely wanted friendship and this person let you down in a very cruel way and badly by just refusing to acknowledge you after striking a friendship with you.  This in turn further ignited and fanned those flames of feeling lonely, weird, inadequate and wondering what you did wrong to offend this person.  The hurt it left behind inside of you become so sad and strong, it quickly lead you to become totally paranoid about how other people in your life and beyond perceived you.

You were lead to believe someone really cared about you and that belief was very strong and sincere.  

Then you were rejected suddenly and the 'let-down' was a massive psychological drop that could be compared physically to walking very confidently and suddenly tripping up and falling over. It's not just the injury but the shock and that can lead to suddenly lacking the confidence to even leave the house due to fear of falling over again and getting badly hurt.

All of these negative feelings you experience with regard to other people are a way your mind is trying to protect you from further hurt.  Unfortunately, this is now becoming a larger part of your life and may hold you back from new experiences.

Time to let this person go and then continue with what you were doing before you met them.  Work on improving your own self-confidence through reading self-help books, attending counselling/therapy to talk about your feelings and even talk about how this person's behaviour effected you.  

However.  Let this person go.

There's a chance this person has rejected, ignored you, gone cold and blanked you out.  

This person may have decided from past experience that you may have been someone they genuinely felt they couldn't lead on to deceive you.  Therefore instantly felt it in their best interests to shut you out completely.

They were protecting themselves from risk of exposure to someone discovering their deceit.

In life, especially in our modern, digital and easily communicative world, it is often the kind hand of generosity and friendship that comes forward to disguise the actions and intentions of the other, more deceptive and manipulative hand that hides behind someone's back to perform more hurtful, cruel, manipulative and deviant deeds unhindered.

People today just don't seem to care about how others feel and it's becoming a common practice to simply 'cut people off' when it suits and sadly this how our society wants it to be. All this talk is given about the importance of taking care of our mental health and considering the feelings of others is just another example of one hand showing kindness whilst the other hides any cruel intentions.

Society is morally pushed into believing they are genuine supporters of mental health, well-being and treating people with respect but in reality, there are people who just don't care and overlook how their treatment of someone else can have a devastating impact upon them.

We can sit here and pontificate the importance of caring about others for ever and ever....  What you need to do now is focus on yourself.

This person's effect upon you was caused through you genuinely believing that you had found a friend, at a time when deep underneath, you were possibly experiencing a time of very low self-esteem and even feeling lonely (possibly without realising it).

Deep inside yourself, something awakened like a small spark that ignited a fire of enthusiasm for this new found friend and you believed wholly, truly and deeply in this amazing person you called a good friend.

It just wasn't meant to be and when you realised how much this person was ignoring you and treating you so coldly....  The shock, disappointment and hurt welled up inside of you so powerfully that it had a very profound impact upon your everyday life, social activities and well-being.

It wasn't just the person you befriended and lost that created this depressive obsession within you that caused the destruction of your self-confidence but it was the genuine belief deep inside of you that you had found a new and very good friend to be a part of your life and that hope became very lost and quickly disintegrated.

It was this loss of hope, dreams and that exhilarating feeling you had when you met and befriended this person that caused the midst of total loss and disappointment, as if in mourning for a lost friend.

It's a shame and it's a horrible way to be treated and whoever this person was had their reasons....  It's something in our society which will not change and eventually get worse.  That's the cruel reality of life.

Give yourself time and keep working on the social side of yourself that was something you were proud of before you 'changed' after being abandoned by this new, so-called friend.

A very sad fact in life is that the way you were treated is now a normal part of everyday life for many people and all of the mixed feelings and emotions you experience now are just the same for many others, right at this point in time.  It's causing a lot of heartbreak and is a massive societal problem.

The public are taught via the press and so forth....  We are a 'mental health aware society'.  In reality, they are really taught behind the scenes to believe in looking after themselves and disregarding others.  That's how people are and it's something of a deep, underlying truth many of us are afraid to face.  However, it's there in the street, in the workplace, in the shops and anywhere else for that matter.

There are so many people that are experiencing what you are going through right now because it's a very common behaviour that represents our modern times.  From now on....  It's about how you deal with this and move forward.

The reason there are many people suffering with their mental health problems is because they are under the influence of the depressive aspects caused by people who simply throw them to one side and disregard them.

It is wrong but there's little any of us can do about it.  All we can do is be very aware of it, as awareness can create an awakening and that's when people really start to think more seriously.  

From what you have written, there's a lot happening in your life right now.  All the things you were doing have been interrupted by constant ruminations of negative thought caused by this new friend who abandoned you without any explanation whatsoever.

In time, these ruminations will pass as you continue with your life and the reason you are feeling this way right now is because it has been a new and frightening experience.  Just keep focusing on everything you did before you met this friend and especially before this friend stopped communication with you.

It was that exact point when your friend ended their communication that you felt everything in your life changed (and you changed) because you questioned everything with regard to how others perceived you as a person.

You'll soon realise that the people you have socialised with from all aspects of your life have not in any judged you as harshly as you seriously believe and even not judged you negatively at all (and bearing in mind that it is your own thoughts that are causing you to feel this way and not theirs).

At present, it's hard for you right now because the disappointment is still so very raw and you put a lot of trust in this new-found friend, only to be suddenly let down in a very catastrophic way.

Keep persevering with what you doing, such as the studying and maybe look at taking on new hobbies and interests.

Bear in mind also, in time you'll communicate/meet other people and hopefully you'll get over this person very soon.

Make every effort to continue with communicating with other people and remember that although you are thinking they are judging and even hating you, these are only your thoughts.  What they actually think about you has not changed at all from their perspective.

Even if this so-called friend did try to turn people against you, it would not have been successful because this friend didn't really know you (and others) or enough about you and is now likely to be befriending someone else who they feel will be more compatible to being manipulated....  If anything bad does get said about you.  Just deny everything.

There's also the possibility this new friend could have been a genuine, kind and sincere person underneath but had a valid reason for become cold, uncommunicative and eventually ignoring you....  Such as being unhappy at home for some reason, a bad relationship and looking for a way out but not knowing what to do, or lonely due to physical illness, mental health issues and so on and may have just panicked at the fear of getting too close through the worry of anyone knowing the truth about them.  

Perhaps they just don't want to reveal themselves but are constantly tempted to progress with communications but at a certain point, hold back like stand at the edge of a swimming pool and hesitating about jumping in.

You may never know.....  

There are times when we just have to let go for good.

You miss the old you and want to be that person again....  Fair enough..... 

However.  Why not embrace the new, deeper, more serious and perhaps even the paranoid you?  Is paranoia a bad thing?  All these new feelings you are now experiencing (if kept under control) can be a way of giving you psychological protection.  Like anything in life...  It's when these feeling become to intense and overwhelming to a point the protection becomes the actual mental harm in itself.  

Rather like a security program or firewall over protecting you computer to a point the computer doesn't work or a burglar alarm that activates and wakes the whole street when it senses a fly or when someone just knocks the door.

Why not embrace life with this new perspective?  All you have written in regard to your changes and becoming a changed person are due to your mind building a defensive, psychological barrier to protect you from further hurt being caused by someone else.  The pain you went through made you frightened of experiencing it again and destroyed your confidence in being social with other people.  

A similar situation would be like falling off a bike, getting badly hurt and then becoming fearful of riding a bike.  The pain of falling would be enough for your mind to put up a defence so as to stop you from going near a bike.

To overcome that fear, you'd need to carefully re-learn to ride the bike again but at a much slower and careful pace so as to become used to riding again.

The same goes for your social life.  You had a nasty fall and got badly hurt....  Now it's time to slowly recover and gain that confidence to socialise fully again.

You say you wish you could go back in time a be the person you were before.  Admittedly, that's something you can't do.  However.  What you can do is start again by basing your new self on the person you were before.

Although you've changed and consider it to be for the worse, any form of change in the long run can be for the better.  Change is always worse and can be a horrible experience for any aspect of our lives, especially when we have gotten used to a certain way of doing things and created a 'comfort zone'.

Yet change (even for the worse) can open your mind to new experiences and allow you to evaluate the old experiences of the past with a new perspective and help you to confront the future with new vigour.

Social media is always considered to be the blame for the creation of problems for many people - in particular those suffering with their mental health.  Social media can affect anyone badly because the communication is often so easy and the availability is there all the time.

Not only is it so easy to make new friends online, it is also very simple to just disconnect when it suits and not have to worry over other people's feelings.  

You have raised a very honest and valid issue with regard to social media having such a bad impact upon you and definitely others as well....  The problem is much bigger than we all realise and it's something society is in reality, too frightened to address.

Social media is often blamed for societies problems and considered the cause of many issues with regard to the societal break-down of our communities.  Yes....   Agreed.  It certainly is. 

However.  The problem is so much deeper than that.

Social media has many advantages in our daily lives, such as ease of communication, allowing everyone to view our creativity or share our problems and it brings families and friends together...  Not to mention the positive effects on business and so on.....

However.  There is a darker side to social media and this darkness will never go away.  Social media is here to say and the problems in society that come with it are here to stay, no matter what government propaganda is used by the politicians to make believe they can cure it. 

We are all dependent upon the internet and it's communicative abilities and the technology will advance to create considerable advantages for many but at the same time cause even greater problems.

The governments are blaming social media for society's problems and applying their punitive measures to restrict these businesses in order to make believe the protection of people's well-being.  You are very right to say that social media can have a very negative, bad effect on people such as yourself.

Yet  the problems in our society will not be resolved through punishing tech companies to appease the people in readiness for election time.  The problems with our society were working their way through the people and destroying them well before social media.

The failings caused by the governments not providing the support to essential mental health and well-being services is a major cause of our society's struggles, whether it be physical health, mental health, education, financial issues and whatever else is going wrong in our lives.

Social media is blamed.  Social media may be considered to cause of depression, anxiety, trauma and all of the other distressing fallouts that come with it's use.  Yet everyone needs to understand the full truth in order to move forward and get the help they really need.  

The truth is that social media is another 'smokescreen' used by the health and social care authorities to direct blame for their own failings in helping the many people dependent upon their services....  It's hard and unfortunate - and the people who work for these authorities are only trying their best to work with the limited (and diminishing) resources at their disposal.

The past year has been very hard for you and from what you have written, this problem seems to be part of something much deeper and you are struggling with your mental health in which you may be shielding your true inner emotions with regard to how this person treated you. 

This person hurt you profoundly and seems to have moved on without any afterthought of what hurt was caused when they left you behind. 

Sadly.  This is the teachings of our society today and it's instilled into us all through the various means of educations we receive.  Either it be from parenting, schooling, social media, social groups and peers, work and every aspect of everyday life...   We are all now being taught....  When we are finished with someone, simply move on and leave the other person to deal it alone as they now mean nothing.  

This is a society which teaches people that others outside their own social and family circle mean nothing....  People need to awaken to this.

Keep moving forward.  Think about receiving some counselling and keep working on yourself.  Above all....

It's time to move on, follow the bad societal teachings for this particular occasion by leaving this person behind as they did to you.

Paul......

@reliablebunny23

In reply to....My Story....

It's hard when these things happen and yet so very easy to take these things personally because we always find ourselves asking if we either said or did something wrong to offend that person. 

There's always a very high chance these people you meet online may not reveal their true selves and unfortunately there are those (and many of them) whom choose to tell many lies and conceal their identities in a web of deceit.

From what you have written about this person in your post and by basing it upon your online relationship, there's the possibility this person was very comfortable at the start of this relationship with you and felt able to communicate with you and form a relationship with you.

However....  A plausible explanation may be that this person became a little too close in their communicative relationship with you and this lead on to your online friend becoming paranoid themselves, due to them not being fully truthful about who they were.

It is often (and with all fairness - correctly) assumed that someone may be avoiding us because they may find us irritating, annoying, creepy, scary, depressing, boring, aggressive and so on.... There may also be times when someone ignores us because we have caused offence.  

All very understandable explanations and these explanations may be even due to others making assumptions without getting to know the person they wish to avoid....  It gets complicated and it is very understandable for you to be upset by this.

Although it is always assumed that avoidance of people is due to the actual person avoided being the culprit of causing the offence, what often gets overlooked is the other very significant reason as to why someone may wish to avoid you and completely ignore you.  

That is because they are frightened....  Frightened of you getting to know the truth about them.

Firstly.  It's understanding why people tell lies, use a false identity, enhance or change their profile photos or use a totally different photo and the list can go on and on.  Putting it simply, there are many people out there (either online or in the physical world) who tell a myriad of lies about themselves, other people or there whereabouts or activities.

When people create a false identity or tell lies about themselves, they are doing it for a valid and genuine reason.  

Let's work out why your online friend became unfriendly towards you....

You met your friend online about a year ago.  You both started chatting online and became really good friends.  So far, so good.  You were talking a lot in the group chats and everything seemed to be going well.  

Then you mention the 'little bit of dm' as well....  Presumably you mean the direct messaging system in which you communicate between each other privately and it is an activity reserved for developing actual closer relationships with someone, such as a close friend, partner or relative.

The question....  What happened?  What happened to cause your new found friend to change their behaviour towards you by means of slowly ignoring you?  

The possible reason would have been because the person you befriended didn't want you to know who they really were.  Bear in mind that when you are direct messaging people on a regular basis, the privacy can mean more intimacy as the relationship between between you both gets stronger.

That's the reason why your new friend started to ignore you.  

Now.  It gets a little more complicated because it's about looking at the other 'sub-possibilities' as to why your friend changed their behaviour towards you and ignored you.

Let's look at some of these deeper possibilities for you being ignored by this new friend.

When people tell lies, use deception or hide their true selves for the purpose of their own benefit, they rely entirely upon the trust of the person they lie to and that trust cannot be in any way broken.  That trust within the other person may become fragmented if the liar makes a mistake and the person being lied to becomes suspicious....  

Such as the liar's story doesn't quite 'add up' or things don't quite make sense.  Maybe there are some errors made with regard to times or places and the person being lied to starts questioning the liar's descriptions of events and so on.

The person who tells lies and uses deceit may be doing so in order to make a gain from the other person who starts to trust them....  Such as a financial gain or some kind of dating scam in order to make money.  Again.  If the liar or scammer suspects the person they are lying to is in anyway suspicious, communication will cease.

Even in the physical world.  Once the liar finds themselves at risk of being found out in any way, they will avoid certain people if those people are showing any indication of being suspicious of realising the liar's true self and the web of deceit they spin around themselves and others.

Sadly...  The person you were communicating with may have not been fully honest with you about who they really were and in order to protect themselves, decided to severe all communication with you.  The 'change' in their behaviour towards you was a means to try and detract you from further communication in order to reduce any chances of you publicly raising any suspicion about them on a chat site, forum or other social media.

Direct messaging is more intimate and at that point in the communications with you, the person may have realised that by getting to close to you, there was a risk of you finding them out and even possibly running a risk to them being exposed.

Maybe this new friend realised you were someone who was not going to be so easily deceived so followed the path of their own suspicions and decided it was time to end all communication with you.

That may explain as to why this person's behaviour became 'cold'....  

It was to block you out in order to protect themselves - for whatever personal reason that may be.

Anyone who relies upon lies, deceit and underhanded behaviour really does need to have trust in the other person they communicate with because that person must in no way be at all (even not slightly) suspicious of the liar.  

The liar themself has to make some serious judgements about people they lie to and they may feel the person they lie to will possibly find out who they really are.  If they feel uncomfortable telling their lies to someone they suspect may be suspicious of them - the liar must move on.....

It means the person being lied to gets cut off completely and may even be asking why....  

Then they wonder if they have caused the offence of upsetting the liar.  However.  Even if the person being lied to doesn't suspect anything suspicious about the liar, it is still the liar's responsibility to make that call and decide if there is a risk of being found out.  A good liar needs to be very judgemental themselves.

Unfortunately.  Your so-called new friend may have suspected there was a chance you'll find out the truth of who this person really is and had to end the relationship with you.  

It wasn't you....  It was them.

However.  The next part of your story is more about you and what you can do to help yourself.

Admittedly.  You took this person's ignorance and avoidance of you very personally and that would have been very understandable.  Please remember that this person may have seriously intended for you to feel this way so as make sure you didn't communicate with them.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can really do about this because this new friend just doesn't want to communicate with you for whatever reason - and that reason could be that you may find out the whole truth about this person and they don't want you to do that.

This person may feel that you are not someone they wish to communicate with for that genuine reason.

Sometimes in life, we need to accept things as they are and move forward.  It may be in your best interests that this person has nothing to do with you anyway.

The very sad consequences about this episode in your life are you are now feeling very insecure about yourself and this has had an impact upon your own self-confidence because this so-called friend has awakened within you a full self-perception, leading on to a lot of self-evaluation.  A good thing in some ways but also bad because you can become negative about yourself for no reason and forget the good aspects of who you really are....  Remember.  You don't really know who this person is.

The problem isn't you and it could be said in your favour that this person realised you may not be someone who could be easily fooled by their lies and deception if they were to have taken the relationship further with you.

You could have still found yourself feeling very low, self-depreciated and confused had this person continued to communicate with you and eventually used you for whatever that person wanted from you.

There is a positive end to this part of your life story in which you could be much better off for not getting involved with this person at all.

Work on ways to improve your own self-confidence and self-awareness.  You've given focus on your negative aspects because you've based all of your mental energy on this person who at the end of the day, probably for whatever reason couldn't continue communicating with you.

Whoever this person is or was....  They were very possibly not going to be telling the truth about who they really were and sensed that you were hoping to take these communications further into a more tangible friendship and that is something the other person knew they couldn't risk.

Fair enough....  This person may have not been someone who aimed at deceiving people for nefarious reasons but could've been someone who wanted friendship but felt that they couldn't take things any further....  They may have been in a relationship (such as marriage or partnership) for example.

From what you've written, this person has communicated with you from time to time and in a manner that is only leading you to feel even more confused and disappointed.  Let this person go permanently from now on and focus on yourself.

If you have been struggling with your mental health, there's a chance an encounter such as what you've experienced with this person will have an impact upon your mental state of mind such as your sensitive emotions and all the mixed feelings this person has created within you.

There's even the possibility that this person is very slowly and softly trying to manipulate you for their own gains by working at wearing your fragile state of self-confidence to a level in which they can use you for their own advantage - even if like a cruel mind game.

This is why it is imperative you disconnect with this person.  Whatever their intentions are, they are not truthful and there's always going to be an element of deceit....  Totally not good and not a way to form the basis of any friendship, relationship or any kind of partnership, business or otherwise.

Disconnect from this person and focus on yourself.

Maybe some counselling could benefit you with regards to working on your low self-esteem, feelings of being deeply hurt and helping you to talk through the different feelings and emotions when you ever feel that people have treated you unfairly.  

Sometimes, it happens to those of us who are sensitive and want to feel valued by others that people can see an opportunity to take advantage of a personality trait that is a part of some of us, yet decide to treat these sensitive, gentle people cruelly and unfairly without giving consideration to how it hurts their feelings and cripples their already low self-esteem.

It's a sad and cruel life sometimes....

Counselling/therapy may be of help to discuss those feelings you are now harbouring with regard to having increased insecurity about yourself and how much this encounter has affected you. All the insecurity you felt through dealing with this person was probably not caused by this person, though it could easily be assumed so.  

In fairness, this person hasn't helped you feel confident about yourself, yet it could be possibly that this person sparked feelings within you of the chance of a good, solid friendship and when they chose to ignore you, the shock, disappointment and hurt feelings have now left you feeling exposed to thoughts of being weird, uncool and everyone hating you.

Maybe deep underneath it all, you genuinely felt this way about yourself a long time before this encounter and over a period of time, these negative feelings have grown quietly inside you, then suddenly exploded when you were rejected by this new friend online.  

You genuinely wanted friendship and this person let you down in a very cruel way and badly by just refusing to acknowledge you after striking a friendship with you.  This in turn further ignited and fanned those flames of feeling lonely, weird, inadequate and wondering what you did wrong to offend this person.  The hurt it left behind inside of you become so sad and strong, it quickly lead you to become totally paranoid about how other people in your life and beyond perceived you.

You were lead to believe someone really cared about you and that belief was very strong and sincere.  

Then you were rejected suddenly and the 'let-down' was a massive psychological drop that could be compared physically to walking very confidently and suddenly tripping up and falling over. It's not just the injury but the shock and that can lead to suddenly lacking the confidence to even leave the house due to fear of falling over again and getting badly hurt.

All of these negative feelings you experience with regard to other people are a way your mind is trying to protect you from further hurt.  Unfortunately, this is now becoming a larger part of your life and may hold you back from new experiences.

Time to let this person go and then continue with what you were doing before you met them.  Work on improving your own self-confidence through reading self-help books, attending counselling/therapy to talk about your feelings and even talk about how this person's behaviour effected you.  

However.  Let this person go.

There's a chance this person has rejected, ignored you, gone cold and blanked you out.  

This person may have decided from past experience that you may have been someone they genuinely felt they couldn't lead on to deceive you.  Therefore instantly felt it in their best interests to shut you out completely.

They were protecting themselves from risk of exposure to someone discovering their deceit.

In life, especially in our modern, digital and easily communicative world, it is often the kind hand of generosity and friendship that comes forward to disguise the actions and intentions of the other, more deceptive and manipulative hand that hides behind someone's back to perform more hurtful, cruel, manipulative and deviant deeds unhindered.

People today just don't seem to care about how others feel and it's becoming a common practice to simply 'cut people off' when it suits and sadly this how our society wants it to be. All this talk is given about the importance of taking care of our mental health and considering the feelings of others is just another example of one hand showing kindness whilst the other hides any cruel intentions.

Society is morally pushed into believing they are genuine supporters of mental health, well-being and treating people with respect but in reality, there are people who just don't care and overlook how their treatment of someone else can have a devastating impact upon them.

We can sit here and pontificate the importance of caring about others for ever and ever....  What you need to do now is focus on yourself.

This person's effect upon you was caused through you genuinely believing that you had found a friend, at a time when deep underneath, you were possibly experiencing a time of very low self-esteem and even feeling lonely (possibly without realising it).

Deep inside yourself, something awakened like a small spark that ignited a fire of enthusiasm for this new found friend and you believed wholly, truly and deeply in this amazing person you called a good friend.

It just wasn't meant to be and when you realised how much this person was ignoring you and treating you so coldly....  The shock, disappointment and hurt welled up inside of you so powerfully that it had a very profound impact upon your everyday life, social activities and well-being.

It wasn't just the person you befriended and lost that created this depressive obsession within you that caused the destruction of your self-confidence but it was the genuine belief deep inside of you that you had found a new and very good friend to be a part of your life and that hope became very lost and quickly disintegrated.

It was this loss of hope, dreams and that exhilarating feeling you had when you met and befriended this person that caused the midst of total loss and disappointment, as if in mourning for a lost friend.

It's a shame and it's a horrible way to be treated and whoever this person was had their reasons....  It's something in our society which will not change and eventually get worse.  That's the cruel reality of life.

Give yourself time and keep working on the social side of yourself that was something you were proud of before you 'changed' after being abandoned by this new, so-called friend.

A very sad fact in life is that the way you were treated is now a normal part of everyday life for many people and all of the mixed feelings and emotions you experience now are just the same for many others, right at this point in time.  It's causing a lot of heartbreak and is a massive societal problem.

The public are taught via the press and so forth....  We are a 'mental health aware society'.  In reality, they are really taught behind the scenes to believe in looking after themselves and disregarding others.  That's how people are and it's something of a deep, underlying truth many of us are afraid to face.  However, it's there in the street, in the workplace, in the shops and anywhere else for that matter.

There are so many people that are experiencing what you are going through right now because it's a very common behaviour that represents our modern times.  From now on....  It's about how you deal with this and move forward.

The reason there are many people suffering with their mental health problems is because they are under the influence of the depressive aspects caused by people who simply throw them to one side and disregard them.

It is wrong but there's little any of us can do about it.  All we can do is be very aware of it, as awareness can create an awakening and that's when people really start to think more seriously.  

From what you have written, there's a lot happening in your life right now.  All the things you were doing have been interrupted by constant ruminations of negative thought caused by this new friend who abandoned you without any explanation whatsoever.

In time, these ruminations will pass as you continue with your life and the reason you are feeling this way right now is because it has been a new and frightening experience.  Just keep focusing on everything you did before you met this friend and especially before this friend stopped communication with you.

It was that exact point when your friend ended their communication that you felt everything in your life changed (and you changed) because you questioned everything with regard to how others perceived you as a person.

You'll soon realise that the people you have socialised with from all aspects of your life have not in any judged you as harshly as you seriously believe and even not judged you negatively at all (and bearing in mind that it is your own thoughts that are causing you to feel this way and not theirs).

At present, it's hard for you right now because the disappointment is still so very raw and you put a lot of trust in this new-found friend, only to be suddenly let down in a very catastrophic way.

Keep persevering with what you doing, such as the studying and maybe look at taking on new hobbies and interests.

Bear in mind also, in time you'll communicate/meet other people and hopefully you'll get over this person very soon.

Make every effort to continue with communicating with other people and remember that although you are thinking they are judging and even hating you, these are only your thoughts.  What they actually think about you has not changed at all from their perspective.

Even if this so-called friend did try to turn people against you, it would not have been successful because this friend didn't really know you (and others) or enough about you and is now likely to be befriending someone else who they feel will be more compatible to being manipulated....  If anything bad does get said about you.  Just deny everything.

There's also the possibility this new friend could have been a genuine, kind and sincere person underneath but had a valid reason for become cold, uncommunicative and eventually ignoring you....  Such as being unhappy at home for some reason, a bad relationship and looking for a way out but not knowing what to do, or lonely due to physical illness, mental health issues and so on and may have just panicked at the fear of getting too close through the worry of anyone knowing the truth about them.  

Perhaps they just don't want to reveal themselves but are constantly tempted to progress with communications but at a certain point, hold back like stand at the edge of a swimming pool and hesitating about jumping in.

You may never know.....  

There are times when we just have to let go for good.

You miss the old you and want to be that person again....  Fair enough..... 

However.  Why not embrace the new, deeper, more serious and perhaps even the paranoid you?  Is paranoia a bad thing?  All these new feelings you are now experiencing (if kept under control) can be a way of giving you psychological protection.  Like anything in life...  It's when these feeling become to intense and overwhelming to a point the protection becomes the actual mental harm in itself.  

Rather like a security program or firewall over protecting you computer to a point the computer doesn't work or a burglar alarm that activates and wakes the whole street when it senses a fly or when someone just knocks the door.

Why not embrace life with this new perspective?  All you have written in regard to your changes and becoming a changed person are due to your mind building a defensive, psychological barrier to protect you from further hurt being caused by someone else.  The pain you went through made you frightened of experiencing it again and destroyed your confidence in being social with other people.  

A similar situation would be like falling off a bike, getting badly hurt and then becoming fearful of riding a bike.  The pain of falling would be enough for your mind to put up a defence so as to stop you from going near a bike.

To overcome that fear, you'd need to carefully re-learn to ride the bike again but at a much slower and careful pace so as to become used to riding again.

The same goes for your social life.  You had a nasty fall and got badly hurt....  Now it's time to slowly recover and gain that confidence to socialise fully again.

You say you wish you could go back in time a be the person you were before.  Admittedly, that's something you can't do.  However.  What you can do is start again by basing your new self on the person you were before.

Although you've changed and consider it to be for the worse, any form of change in the long run can be for the better.  Change is always worse and can be a horrible experience for any aspect of our lives, especially when we have gotten used to a certain way of doing things and created a 'comfort zone'.

Yet change (even for the worse) can open your mind to new experiences and allow you to evaluate the old experiences of the past with a new perspective and help you to confront the future with new vigour.

Social media is always considered to be the blame for the creation of problems for many people - in particular those suffering with their mental health.  Social media can affect anyone badly because the communication is often so easy and the availability is there all the time.

Not only is it so easy to make new friends online, it is also very simple to just disconnect when it suits and not have to worry over other people's feelings.  

You have raised a very honest and valid issue with regard to social media having such a bad impact upon you and definitely others as well....  The problem is much bigger than we all realise and it's something society is in reality, too frightened to address.

Social media is often blamed for societies problems and considered the cause of many issues with regard to the societal break-down of our communities.  Yes....   Agreed.  It certainly is. 

However.  The problem is so much deeper than that.

Social media has many advantages in our daily lives, such as ease of communication, allowing everyone to view our creativity or share our problems and it brings families and friends together...  Not to mention the positive effects on business and so on.....

However.  There is a darker side to social media and this darkness will never go away.  Social media is here to say and the problems in society that come with it are here to stay, no matter what government propaganda is used by the politicians to make believe they can cure it. 

We are all dependent upon the internet and it's communicative abilities and the technology will advance to create considerable advantages for many but at the same time cause even greater problems.

The governments are blaming social media for society's problems and applying their punitive measures to restrict these businesses in order to make believe the protection of people's well-being.  You are very right to say that social media can have a very negative, bad effect on people such as yourself.

Yet  the problems in our society will not be resolved through punishing tech companies to appease the people in readiness for election time.  The problems with our society were working their way through the people and destroying them well before social media.

The failings caused by the governments not providing the support to essential mental health and well-being services is a major cause of our society's struggles, whether it be physical health, mental health, education, financial issues and whatever else is going wrong in our lives.

Social media is blamed.  Social media may be considered to cause of depression, anxiety, trauma and all of the other distressing fallouts that come with it's use.  Yet everyone needs to understand the full truth in order to move forward and get the help they really need.  

The truth is that social media is another 'smokescreen' used by the health and social care authorities to direct blame for their own failings in helping the many people dependent upon their services....  It's hard and unfortunate - and the people who work for these authorities are only trying their best to work with the limited (and diminishing) resources at their disposal.

The past year has been very hard for you and from what you have written, this problem seems to be part of something much deeper and you are struggling with your mental health in which you may be shielding your true inner emotions with regard to how this person treated you. 

This person hurt you profoundly and seems to have moved on without any afterthought of what hurt was caused when they left you behind. 

Sadly.  This is the teachings of our society today and it's instilled into us all through the various means of educations we receive.  Either it be from parenting, schooling, social media, social groups and peers, work and every aspect of everyday life...   We are all now being taught....  When we are finished with someone, simply move on and leave the other person to deal it alone as they now mean nothing.  

This is a society which teaches people that others outside their own social and family circle mean nothing....  People need to awaken to this.

Keep moving forward.  Think about receiving some counselling and keep working on yourself.  Above all....

It's time to move on, follow the bad societal teachings for this particular occasion by leaving this person behind as they did to you.

Paul......

@PaulShipmanSmith 

Thank you for your comment 💗! 

I don't think he created a fake identity; he has an old social media account with posts and followers. But you really articulated how his ignorance made me feel very well. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so bad and why it affected me so much. I thought it was something minor to worry about. I didn't realize how much it affected me.

"He awakened within you a full self-perception, leading to a lot of self-evaluation." This is so true!

I couldn't put it into words & understand my own feelings because everything is so complicated and I'm having a million thoughts. Identifying reasons and expressing them in words is difficult for me.

"This person will have an impact on your mental state, such as your sensitive emotions and all the mixed feelings this person has created within you." This resonates with me completely.

I was never such a confused person. Now I have mixed feelings about everything. I stay so confused and worry excessively about things.

The "cruel mind game" seems somewhat true. I don't know why he did that. He probably didn’t create a fake identity, but he was likely trying to manipulate me. Sometimes he behaved well, and at other times, he was cold.

I ended up with these mixed feelings and, somehow, I even started liking him. Maybe he was manipulating me. 

I'm kinda confused about his actions.

But, I don't think he ignored me because he found me weird; perhaps it was due to his own personal issues or something I might have "unintentionally" offended him with. Tho I know I'm not at fault. I never tried to offend him at purpose and I shouldn't label myself as wrong for the unknown reasons behind his ignorance. I'm trying not to think about him anymore. Whatever the reason for his actions, it doesn’t matter now.

I wouldn’t have labeled him as wrong too if he had just ignored me and done nothing else because his ignorance might have had personal reasons. There are a few things I didn’t mention in this post for privacy reasons, but he did some things that seemed intentionally hurtful.

Although, I sometimes find it hard to label him as wrong for anything. I find me giving excuses for his behavior to myself. Probably because I like him a little bit : / 

"Maybe deep underneath it all, you genuinely felt this way about yourself long before this encounter, and over time, these negative feelings quietly grew inside you, then exploded when you were rejected by this new friend online." I think you’re right. I had these feelings deep down, but they were hidden because of the supportive people who made me feel good about myself. Their supportive words, compliments masked my self-doubt. When this friend ignored me, it brought those hidden feelings to the surface and started affecting me. Thank you for helping me understand this better. 🤍

"The hurt it left behind inside you became so sad and strong, it quickly led you to become paranoid about how others perceive you." This is so true. I started worrying excessively about how people perceived me, and this fear continued to grow for almost a year. Now, it’s at its peak.

Thank you for your suggestions on overcoming feelings of low self-esteem and deep hurt, and for helping me talk through these complex emotions. But, unfortunately, I can't seek counseling cuz I can't tell my parents about this.

From your suggestions, I can definitely start reading self-help books to boost my confidence. It’s possible for me.

And your reassurance that the rumination will pass as I continue with my life is comforting. I've been ruminating for months and was worried it would last forever. I hope it goes away soon.

You mentioned focusing on what I did before I met this friend. But, It's been over a year, and I don't exactly remember, but I'm trying to focus on my studies, which have been badly affected by all this.

Studying is my top priority right now, but these thoughts are impacting my studies and mental health. 

Embracing a new self is a good idea, but I desperately want my old self back. I've changed so much; I can't even explain it fully. I used to be a happy, humorous person, but now I can't communicate with anyone, especially online, due to fear. Plus, I struggle to find things to say. I wish I could explain how I've changed, but it's hard to put into words. I'm trying to figure out how to reclaim my old self, but I don't know how. 

You're so so right about social media; people say they're there for you, but they don't consider how their behavior affects others.

Thank you for helping me gain a deeper understanding of my feelings, reasons and circumstances. I couldn't have comprehended all of this alone. 💙

@reliablebunny23 i relate to this so much, i feel like now that my problems aren’t abnormal. thank you so much for sharing this it really helped me🙂

@squidwid14 

I'm glad it could help you. And your problems aren't abnormal at all.❤️ 

*sending hugs* 🫂

I hope things get better for you. 

@squidwid14

You can check people's suggestions in comments on this post. Maybe they can help you. ❤️ 

thank you sm 💗💗

@reliablebunny23

Hey there🌸it sounds like you've been through a lot with your online friend😔it must have been really tough feeling ignored and seeing their behavior change. Its undertsandable you'd feel hurt and insecure about the whole situation. Have you been able to talk about these feelings with anyone else?

@healingsoul4892

Thanks for your comment & for understanding. 💗

I have talked with listeners here, that too in a brief way, no one else.

I haven't talked to anyone in my real life about this. 

@reliablebunny23 I understand how you would be feeling that time. It is for sure really painful and knowing that you have lost your cheerful and happy old self is really heart wrecking. I want you know to know that it's okay it happens, and this is what maturity is called right? These types of people come and go but they don't know they make you even stronger but don't let these people describe you. You are unique as you are! You are the best! You don't change yourself for someone!

However, the cheerful and happy @reliablebunny23 is still there in your unconscious mind. You just have to discover it again with new journey. I am really excited for you to heal up and grow. Wish you very best luck! You can do it! I believe in you! 😊💗

@KindleMissie

Thank you so much!❤️

I really wish I find that side of me back. It seems difficult & sometimes impossible too. But I'm trying to get some hope & strength..  

@reliablebunny23

Your welcome 😊❤

I understand the process is hard and it makes you believe to give up. However, the finish product is really sweet. You can take little baby steps everyday then take break whenever you want to care for yourself and get some hope and strength so you can be back again on your track.

Finger crossed🤞 Rooting for you! You got this girl! Sending lots of warmth, love and bear hugs 🤗💝🐻

@KindleMissie

Actually, I'm confused with what little steps can I take everyday. 

But i guess it'll take me some time to figure that out. I'll try.. 

Tho the idea of taking breaks in between for taking care of myself sounds great to me!! 💗

Thnks ❤️

@reliablebunny23

Your welcome! Little baby steps like the activities which make you happy and the ones you used to cherish with joy. Yeah, taking breaks is the good way to keep growing!

I am glad you seek out for help as it takes a lot of courage. I am really proud of you and believe you will be the next shining star in this vast sky! find the light within you! You are going to do great🌠 💖

And whenever you want to talk, you can count on me. I am always here for you 😊

@KindleMissie

Thank you so much💗, means a lot 🫂💗

@reliablebunny23

Your welcome, whenever you want! I am happy to help 💗😊

@KindleMissie ❤️❤️🫂

@reliablebunny23

Hello there, I hope you're doing well now. Your experience has provided me with valuable insights, thank you for sharing it. At the end of the story, I found you the strongest person. 

We usually don't have insecurities and it's the people who create them in us. 

Your sharing of your experience and feelings is appreciated because it could be beneficial to many others who are experiencing it. Your dedication to this best thing is greatly appreciated. 

I know right now it might feel a bit difficult as you are in the middle of the process but just trust the process as you are so close to the success. I amn't sure about the 'old self' but you are going to be your 'Best self' and this time you would be more stronger and more confident about yourself. These fragile insecurities are temporary.

You are going to make it!!

@mineofroses

I'm glad it could provide you some valuable insights. 🫂

& Thank you so much for your kind words 💗!

@reliablebunny23 hey, I feel you. I know the feeling of changing for people, thinking that I am weird. I must be the reason why he changed, I must have done something bad that made him changed. I went through all these before, and I am glad you are aware of it this early. It took me longer. You are brave to bring this out as a post here. Hope you find yourself back!

@Cubbytant 

Thank you so much ❤️⊂⁠(⁠・⁠﹏⁠・⁠⊂⁠) 🫂

@reliablebunny23

i am going through something so similar and this really helped me. I am sorry you went through this I understand your pain. you can and will find yourself again.

@123lol321no I'm glad it helped you. Thank you for understanding. It made me feel better. 🫂

@reliablebunny23

Hi bunny, I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to you as a result of this friendship. It sounds like your friend was dragging you down and his negativity is still affecting a lot even after you two stopped talking quite a while ago. I just want you to know that his attitude is his own issue that has nothing to do with you, and you didn't deserve any of this at all. I promise you're not weird and you deserve to be happy like before! There are people who care about you, so please don't let one mean person get in the way of you being your best self. I know it's hard and it's not fair that this happened but we're all here to support you on your journey of healing. Best wishes ❤️

@seaturtle54

Thank you so much. 🫂❤️

@reliablebunny23

🫂🫂

hello...

idk if anyone's going to see this comment or not.. 

But i was just feeling low, & alone. and wanted to talk about all this to someone or just write it somewhere.. 

Then I saw & remembered this post.. 

it has been months since I made this post.. 

& Things are still the same? A little worse ? Or a little better in a hidden way? I don't really know. 

Life is just moving on. 

And I everyday get new worries, new thoughts about all this, which are all negative, I keep noticing how much I've changed, there's nothing I can do, I even don't want to do, I just badly wish it was possible to go back in time.  

I still miss the friend.. I don't know how to communicate anymore, but I just want to talk to that friend! Idk if I like him or what.

I'm trying ( while writing this I question myself am I even trying, or do I even want to try) to ..  idk what I am trying.. 

I just try to talk with people here. To embrace a new self ? No. But to distract myself, ( Tho I don't get distracted by anything usually, thoughts related to this keep revolving in my head ) 

I try to help people here, so that they don't go through the pain I'm going through, but even while helping others, I think what would my old self do/say in this situation? might sound weird, but i miss my old self a lot, everything about my old self, smallest of the things, they are a lot and I don't even think that it's possible to write them all here.. 

I don't want a new self. I want my old self back.

I keep thinking can't god send me back in time or can't anyone invent a time machine? Might sound silly, but yeah.

I can't talk to people irl about this.

And here, talking about this makes me feel bad, so bad.

My heart pains 

Life was so good before. 

But, Everything just changed. 

I wish it hadn't.

I wish I wake up someday and all this was just a dream.

Stupid me, this isn't possible.

It feels like I have ruined my life. 

Sometimes, I think this is a minor thing to worry about, and people might think that too after seeing this forum post/ listeners I have told this to.. 

There are a lot of things that has changed.. I'd never be able to accept it..i just want to go back in time and forget that all this happened... I want to delete this thing from my life.. 

I am not even able to study, I keep thinking about all this, I don't do that intentionally, but this is rumination, the thoughts related to this are always there. I keep comparing my old life/self to the life/self now.

I have a weird overwhelming feeling 24/7 .. idk what it is, but i think it's cuz of this.. idk if it's true or not

I feel sad the whole day.. i think it's cus of this too , it's true or not idk .. 

My life is a mess. 

so, I'll just use this place for me to vent, I find it hard to open up to people, both in real life and here on cups too, I sometimes feel that I'm being annoying, or that it's hard to support me, I can't even open up completely to listeners. Idk why. Maybe I fear judgement? Maybe I find it hard to explain? Maybe it's too much to share? Maybe I don't wanna be annoying? Maybe I don't want to bother anyone? Maybe I think they won't understand? Maybe I think they'd leave me in between like everyone does? Or maybe something else and a lot more reasons combined with all this? 

It's like I don't know how to tell anyone about my problems but I just want to tell someone, I want to take all these thoughts and feelings out.. I know that I need help, I want to be understood, I want to be supported. I want to be told what's the right thing to do. I want to have someone help me understand what I'm going through. I want someone to support me in my journey. But for that it's important to open up, and I can't do that because of some reasons which I too don't understand. 

I struggle with understanding & expressing my feelings. But, I'd try to understand & express them here.

As, I think I'd be more comfortable sharing things here & everything bad happening in my life is probably related to the thing I shared in this post..

These thoughts and feelings are so scary.. that I have changed, and it's making me feel so so bad.. or idk if anything else is also there making me feel this way.. this feeling is overwhelming .. 

It's so scary that I can't do anything to escape this feeling... I have to go through it.. what if I ruin my whole life feeling this way??what if I stay sad all my life?? 

these thoughts scare me so much.. i feel so .. weird.. as if I'm in a small place & I can't come out of it.. others are far away enjoying.. and doing things which I can't now.. like making online friends.. talking to them, having fun, not fearing judgment, i feel like it's a small box of problems, negative thoughts and overwhelming feelings with the changes I'm going through, i hate these changes, i wanna go back in time.. 

this feeling is weird.. it's an uncomfortable sensation in my chest, a heavy head, likely due to so many constant thoughts, feels like my brain doesn't gets any rest from rumination, & stress, i feel mentally and physically overwhelmed.. 

& also, an increased or maybe very noticeable heartbeat..

Idk what this feeling is , but it seems like anxiety, tho I'm not sure.. because i haven't been & I can't get professionally diagnosed