Just need to rant I guess
Im 22 years old and I feel like I’m going through so much right now. My husband said he doesn’t want to be married anymore and that he hasn’t been happy in a while. He said that me crying over the loss of our marriage was making him miserable on top of refusing to acknowledge how he’s hurting me just because he doesn’t care I guess. Now I have to find a new place to live but I don’t have any money I don’t work enough hours for a security deposit right now. I did apply for a promotion but I’m not sure about the status of that. I don’t have a car although my dad said that he would help me with that I still have to pay for registration gas insurance etc. The only places to live I have found all right very expensive Uber ride away from my job. I have to get all new furniture since my husband paid for everything. I have to take out a loan so that I can get money but I can’t access my payslips and was on the phone for two hours with tech-support. I feel like I can’t just mourn the loss of my marriage to the love of my life right now everything else has to go wrong too. At this point I just hope I can get a car and sleep in the Walmart parking lot with my dog. I’m praying I get this promotion and can find a place to live closer to my job so that Ubers would be affordable for the time being. I feel like I’m drowning right now. I wake up multiple times in the night in a panic attack. My husband was my best friend who I always talked to about my anxiety and now I can’t.
That sounds incredibly tough. Are there any community resources available to you to you such as temporary shelters etc? I suffer from similar barriers, and the night stress can be overwhelming. My thoughts go out to you. I will be wishing that you find some help out of that terrible situation.
Thank you for your kind words. I haven’t looked into community resources but I feel like such a burden already. You didn’t ask but, ex kept going on about how i have no work ethic and can’t even do school ( I failed a few classes when my mom passed) and my self esteem has been in hell. I called him out on using that kind of stuff against me being abusive but today I asked if I could use his laptop to see if I can find my payslips on a computer and he said something among the lines of me still asking things if my “abusive gaslighting ex husband”. I’m just trying to take out a loan so I can get out of here. Like I was trying to get things done. Then he made me feel worse because that made me cry all over again. Idk. I’m just rambling I’m sorry.
You're a human being with value, not a burden. It might not be easy to see that right now, but we all deserve respect and kindness. Community resources are there for people who are struggling and in tough situations. They are there to provide support for those who need it the most, so please don't feel ashamed to look or ask. They're ready and prepared- it's what they expect! I have struggled with self-esteem as well, and I know that pit of despair on a personal level. Please try to remind yourself that someone who treats you like that doesn't have your best interests, or the scope of who you are and can be, in mind. That is a super hard situation to be in when you have to ask for help from the people who are hurting you. Are there other people, like family, friends, or even neighbors who could provide support? It can be very embarassing to ask, but I bet you would be glad you did, if you have that option. Either way, it sounds like you are taking steps to free yourself from that, which is something to be proud of. Remind yourself of the small victories. There is no need to aplogize either! AFAIK this place exists for people to seek help, and it is a brave thing to share a story so personal to strangers.
I have to say this morning I’m feeling all the support, maybe feeling a little stronger and hopeful that it might actually work out fine. I’m going to see some friends and I’m manifesting good thing coming into my life. I’m not sure how the rest of the day will go but for now, coffee tastes like coffee again instead of a faint memory in hot water. And the universe must be on my side if coffee is on my side
You are so brave and so strong! Life is funny and always changing and evolving! I’m glad you feel the support, you deserve that! I truly wish you all the best! If you need to talk anytime, please don’t hesitate to reach out! We are all here for you!
