I'm so exhausted in every single way.
My heart breaks every day. I feel so stuck in my life. I used to love everything and find beauty in the darkest, ugliest places. This past year, however, has been so hard for me. I can't focus on anything, and I'm so afraid to move in any direction. I am incredibly grateful to have such a strong, loving support system, but it feels like a prison sometimes. I want to be able to support myself and feel independent for once, but I don't know how! I don't drive, can't find a job that won't sink me deeper into depression, and nothing that I used to enjoy seems to do anything for me anymore. I can't sleep, can't eat even though I'm hungry all the time, feel constantly sick to my stomach and have to use every ounce of will not to dry heave every morning. I have to force myself to stomach things just so that my body doesn't start breaking down. My best friend rarely hangs out with me or talks to me lately, and I can't stop obsessing that it has something to do with how sad and anxious I am all the time. I don't want to sabotage the only real connection I've ever had with anyone. I'm so lost and so afraid to talk to anyone. I really need help.