How to establish better communication
I liked my roomies since I first met the. They're really laid back and respectful of privacy and boundaries. Right off the bat I asked if there were specific things they didn't like or things I ought to be aware of but not much was mentioned and I was pretty much told that if there were any problems or issues, they would let me know.
My anxiety stems from not knowing how to know if I have been doing something wrong since often Amy form of complaint is done as one explosive warning. I learned later on that one of my roomies is BP which explained some of the mood swings.
They're always home due to other health problems so they pretty much have the house to themselves while I'm at work. I pretty much keep to my room. Hardly make a peep I'm pretty much invisible. I always clean up after myself that you could hardly tell I was in a shared area save for a few freshly washed dishes. I'm sure they even forget or can't tell that I'm home most of the time.
When there are issues, I usually just get one warning and it's along the lines that I should have known and that I was a repeat offender. One example was i was told that I should stop throwing cardboards in the trash and separate it for recycling. The next time I did that, I would be asked to pay the penalty. I was never told this rule ever existed and it was new information to me. I just apologize and comply.
Now I'm just afraid of doing anything. They're really awesome except when something isn't
@tealVillage6189
Hello tealVillage6189,
I am sorry to hear that you seem to be experiencing many surprises in regards to your new housemates. As I'm sure you've found out, living together really does bring you all closer together and not often in the ways that you expect and or anticipate. I am sorry to hear that you are discovering the rules through these explosive warnings.
Arguably the onus may not be on you to improve overall communication, since you all share the residence everyone would have to improve their overall communication for your and their respective living conditions to improve. You don't deserve to feel afraid in your own home, how would you like things to change? What would you like to see?
Hope to hear from you soon.
@hearnospeaknoseeno I would just like my roomies to actually give me warnings as soon as I've offended them and not have to "tolerate" it until they've had enough. I've expressed as much so I don't know if it's their own anxieties that's causing the behavior.
It's very jarring. It's not like it's hard to talk to me either. It just seems like there's no in between or forewarning before it hurts their feelings.
This is my first time living with housemates who aren't family or my SO. I don't know if this is supposed to be normal. I suspect they just don't know how to give fair warning or at some point thought they told me and just forget they never did.
I've just ended a relationship with a severely depressed person where it felt like I was walking on eggshells. I didn't realize my roomies were somewhat in a similar boat so I don't know how I should be approaching this.