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tealVillage6189
2,317 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMay 18, 2016
Recent forum posts
Order & Mayhem
Anxiety Support / by tealVillage6189
Last post
 November 26th, 2018
...See more I recently started a job that Im now thinking about quitting. Im very torn because Im not sure if it will resolve itself if I just stick around, or it really isnt a good fit for me. Im struggling very hard to make sense of this so I apologize in advance if this reads a bit too rambly. I pursued the career change because I wanted to be a bit more active and dynamic. I had come from desk jobs and gradually moved into careers that still had some computers involved but still allowed me to move my body more. The job started out well enough, but gradually became stressful and gave me anxiety attacks. Our supervisor very clearly cares about us and tries to maintain a relaxed attitude to minimize stress by being hands off. It did become obvious from the first week that there was also a lot of inter-office that involved a lot of polite micro-aggressions and passive aggressiveness with other departments. Although I enjoy the nature of the job itself, most of the stress came from the lack of structure, protocol. Sure, we had some little things that we generally adhered to but there was no larger, overarching structure to help you see whats going on or be aware/ensure you werent stepping on someones shoes or process. We had a huge to do list but because it wasnt designated to just one person, only the tasks that anyone actually remembered got addressed. There were little tasks that werent consistent enough for it to be retained in your memory. Although my peers are extremely kind, patient, helpful, everyone still did things differently that it takes a while to figure out whats going on when they dont happen to be available at that particular moment. Its fast paced, but it does make sense in its own way. I talked to my supervisor about all of this and just the fact that we could reduce minor nitpicks on each if there was more structure or protocol. I was told that there will never be structure, protocol, boundaries. Perhaps due to my personality, being that I want specific guidelines and rules, my personality was not a right fit for the job. They insist that they don't want to micromanage so there just won't be a defined structure. Since then, my supervisor has been nitpicky with me and it even feels like Im accused of little things that was largely due to my just following what I was taught and consistently sticking to it because I really just didnt know enough to deviate from what was taught to me. I have noticed everyone else being more proactive than usual since, tasks dont pile up or go undone since someones always guaranteed to check up on it. Ive got this strong sense of putting my best foot forward and overthinking and making sure Im understanding or doing the job properly. It got really bad on this job since theres a part of it where its hard to remember if you have done or said something and you cant back up the claim or really defend yourself except take their word for it. My supervisor is extremely busy and honestly I think they have a lot on their plate that they could use an assistant. I also think that having an established protocol or structure would probably alleviate a lot of that stress. I was encouraged to express any concerns, suggestions I had if there was something I thought could help the department function better, or even vent if there was something that was making me unhappy. I guess maybe I just got a little to anxious. My brain had a hard time checking out of work even after I got home just over analyzing how I couldve handled something better, how I couldve communicated a little better. The stress and anxiety just kept rolling from one day to the next. Ive started exhibiting anxiety attacks that I have chest pains and want to cry depending on how the day is going. Im not normally like this and I know that Im inclined to try and seek order to alleviate my anxiety, something that I have trouble seeking at work. Ive only been on the job for a few months and I feel like maybe just by pointing out what was stressful for me and something that could be improved on I might have given the impression that Im being pompous. Ive never really had that kind of experience previously and people will at least nod their heads and just take the suggestion anyway. Its a very collaborative environment and its hard to express what piece of information or action you need from someone when you yourself arent aware of what kind of terminology or key phrase needs to be uttered to get it taken care of. I need to find a way to be grounded and I'm just having a very hard time doing that here.
Setting boundaries in the workplace
Anxiety Support / by tealVillage6189
Last post
 July 29th, 2017
...See more There's this guy I had accidentally mistaken for someone I knew once who turned out to be a new person at work. My place of employment cycles through new people frequently that it isn't that surprising to run into unfamiliar faces every now and then. He seems very shy and awkward. Since that incident, he has initiated one conversation with me when he happened to catch me by myself during a break. Since then, he stares at me frequently or greets me as if there is an established familiarity. I don't think he's a bad guy and much of my discomfort stems from not knowing him well (I honestly don't have any desire to get to know him, I generally keep to myself at work and a few close acquaintances). I understand that from his point of view, I am well liked and respected, I express my opinions openly and only those who know me very well understand that I generally keep to myself. He could just be trying to make friends but just combined with the constant staring, and seeking me out when I have deliberately made a lot of effort to avoid him and discourage any kind of contact is frustrating. I've sent him nonverbal cues such as not smiling or deliberately not making any eye contact when I happen to run into him that I'm at a point where I would like to actually say something but I'm not quite sure how to word it. I feel like this person is infringing on my personal space and I'm not sure how to communicate that without making him upset or to make him stop the behavior he has been exhibiting (looking at me constantly, trying to make small talk at the most awkward moments like when I'm busy or trying to concentrate on a task) because whenever he makes his presence known it's just annoying to me. I understand that it's not easy being a new person at any place but he's also free to befriend other people than myself. There are a lot of folks that are very friendly with him that I'm hoping at some point he would get tired of pursuing an acquaintance with me that he would eventually just leave me alone. Despite being outwardly upbeat and cheerful at work, I would prefer to keep work interactions professional and work related. Has anyone else gone through something like this and what have you done about it? Would it be reasonable for me to express that the way he acts around me feels awkward and how would I express that in such a way that he would stick to strictly professional or work related interactions and just generally leave me alone? I don't think he's creepy but I just feel that if I don't say anything, it becomes a bit creepier over time when I'm making an effort to avoid him and make myself scarce just so he wouldn't talk to me.
Broke up with someone who was depressed
Relationship Stress / by tealVillage6189
Last post
 July 28th, 2016
...See more The term depression tends to gets mentioned a lot but the truth is I'm not really sure what it means anymore. After a decade, my so decided to break up with me bec he says that he doesn't want to be life partners and he was making me unhappy. It wasn't due to any lack of support from my part, he simply hated himself. He was acting and doing things that were emotionally abusive that he just didn't want me to go through that ordeal anymore. When we parted, I gave him a lot of advice of what he needed to do to get out of his funk. He claims that he's continuing to see a therapist but somehow it seems like his condition is worsening according to what I've heard from mutual friends. He refuses to get a job and relies on short term contract work from friends, he won't fix his sleep schedule and he seems to just not eat at all. I've accepted that we can't be a couple but really frustrating that he's allowing himself to deteriorate like this. I know he went through something similar in college and he had recovered when we got together but it seems impossible to see him recover now that he doesn't really have family to support him. The only people he seems to keep close now are either depressed, can't be financially stable, just a bad influence on him. It's as if he's making all the worst choices possible short of dying. I'm torn between wanting to intervene or just letting him continue to destroy himself.
Was it philosophy or was it the depression?
Relationship Stress / by tealVillage6189
Last post
 July 10th, 2016
...See more I had the misfortune of being emotionally neglected as a child. Being nearly molested didn't help as my mother became protective and discouraged me from socializing or developing friendships further. My household was dysfunctional due to my alcoholic father. This caused me to be interested in psychology so I was very much interested in how and why people are the way they are so I could understand my family, myself. How can I shape myself to be someone I like? Somewhere along the way, I ran into a guy who happened to be into philosophy. Due to having been raised in a very religious household,
How to establish better communication
Anxiety Support / by tealVillage6189
Last post
 July 5th, 2016
...See more I liked my roomies since I first met the. They're really laid back and respectful of privacy and boundaries. Right off the bat I asked if there were specific things they didn't like or things I ought to be aware of but not much was mentioned and I was pretty much told that if there were any problems or issues, they would let me know. My anxiety stems from not knowing how to know if I have been doing something wrong since often Amy form of complaint is done as one explosive warning. I learned later on that one of my roomies is BP which explained some of the mood swings. They're always home due to other health problems so they pretty much have the house to themselves while I'm at work. I pretty much keep to my room. Hardly make a peep I'm pretty much invisible. I always clean up after myself that you could hardly tell I was in a shared area save for a few freshly washed dishes. I'm sure they even forget or can't tell that I'm home most of the time. When there are issues, I usually just get one warning and it's along the lines that I should have known and that I was a repeat offender. One example was i was told that I should stop throwing cardboards in the trash and separate it for recycling. The next time I did that, I would be asked to pay the penalty. I was never told this rule ever existed and it was new information to me. I just apologize and comply. Now I'm just afraid of doing anything. They're really awesome except when something isn't
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