How I explained anxiety to my healthy friend

I actually wrote this a long while ago, but I think it'll be relevant for many even if it's not anymore for me. Also, sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes – my English is far from perfect!

Some people seem to think that you can't really understand anxiety (or any mental health issues for that matter) unless youve experienced it first-hand, and while I see where this opinions come from, I disagree. I think that understanding of anxiety just requires a good explanation, a bit of imagination and a person truly willing to take the time to engage in it. It probably won't result in complete understanding on their part, but it is so worth a try. I know it can be very frustrating -- for me it's like trying to describe colour to a blind person, or the sensation of hearing to a deaf one. But I'm sure it is possible. They ARE ABLE to understand, because fear, a natural reaction necessary for survival, is something almost all of us experience.

I live with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. A couple of days ago when I was hanging out with a close friend of mine, I got very nervous and frightened of a seemingly insignificant thing. It took a bit for me to calm down, and after a while, my friend bashfully admitted that while he sees my stressful reactions to it, he's not able to understand or even imagine the feeling of anxiety at all. So I asked him if he'd like me to try and explain how it is to me. The conversation that has evolved of this was pretty interesting, so I thought Id share.

So, for clarity, let me remind you of the difference between fear and anxiety:

Fear – relates to known/understood threat;

Anxiety – relates to unknown/poorly defined threat.

I just can't wrap my head around how you suddenly get scared of nothing, said my friend. I know it's real for you and Ill always try to help, but it just doesn't make sense. And when I point out that you're being illogical, you often just get pissed at me.

True, I got quite annoyed earlier. I cursed and exclaimed I KNOW! when he almost mockingly (or so I thought being close to a panic attack) explained to me why my anxiety wasn't making any sense, because I felt it was the last thing I needed then.

I asked him to remember a scary situation from his life, when he felt afraid -- not any of the bad ones though, there was no need to torture himself. Then I told him: Imagine everything just how it was. The colours, the smells, everything around you, and everything you felt. And then remove the source of your fear from the scene. Make it the only thing missing from this memory

Okay… he said shyly. It's a really strange thing for me to imagine, you know

What do you think, what would you do?

I… I think I'd run

But you don't have anything to run from, do you? There's no danger, why would you run?

I don't know, came his reply, and it really was, right there, the whole point.

You see, I said. I don't know either

In this imagined situation my friend felt an intense emotion without any obvious or logical reason, so no wonder he called it strange, since he's never experienced it like that. So this imagined version of him is just afraid, he doesn't know why, but his whole being responds to it. The adrenaline is telling him to DO SOMETHING and so he, without a thought, chooses one of the natural reactions he usually has in a moment of fear – he flees. But he could attack, hide, avoid or frantically try to prevent something just as well.

And well, the thing that my brain does with this feeling, I continue. is accuse something or even someone of being the source of it. It chooses the thing that has the higher chances of being a threat

For example, I am laying in the grass, everything is great and suddenly I feel intense anxiety… because of the ants of course! They are going to cover my whole body and harm me (I don't know how, maybe crawl into my mouth or bite me to death, I don't know, I dont think about it and it doesn't matter to me in this moment). There's one ant on my leg already!

Does this make sense? Of course not – Polish ants are everything but dangerous. But when I'm so afraid, my mind sometimes needs a reason and the search for this reason happens in a split second, absolutely unconsciously and unconditionally. It's just suddenly there, the fear of ants. Most of the time in a situation like this, I'd just be quickly reminded that it's okay and there's no threat, but my first impulse would be to run away like I was chased by an army!

Because when there's an elephant rushing straight at you, you jump aside not because you concluded that you might get crushed -- you just jump before you can even think oh god, an elephant!, let alone wait, why is this a bad thing?

Of course, when you're aware of your disorder, you just look around, see that your emotions are illogical and tricking you, and then you make a conscious effort to soothe or control them.

Unfortunately, it is just as difficult to do as it is to stand calmly in front of the elephant running at us.

Note: It's only my try to explain how irrational sense of danger that comes with anxiety disorder sometimes feels for me. Everyone's experiences are different, but I thought it was a nice story to share. Maybe someone will find it helpful when looking for a way to talk about anxiety with other people.