Help! I can't deal with my husband's anxiety anymore!
My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. He's always been a little bit of a worrywart but it has gotten completely out of hand now.
He worries about all kinds of things. He's worried about our children's weight. (BTW - this has been going on for years!) He's worried about the car breaking down when I drive it, and he's worried about money so he won't do maintenance on it. We've had family members that have been accused of sexual misconduct, so now he is worried about being falsely accused of the same, and that evidence will be planted to frame him for something. Every time we come home, he drives around the block so he can make sure nobody has been in the house.
We are getting ready to move, and we found mildew or mold in the basement. (We treated it right after we found it.) The house had to have an occupancy inspection, and it passed inspection. Nevertheless, he was concerned that the house is going to rot and come down while we are in it. He made such a big deal of it that I tried to figure out how to buy ourselves out of the lease just to shut him up. This was Monday and he had been going on about the situation for 4 days at that point. It was making me sick to my stomach because of the big deal he was making out of it. He only stopped after talking with his dad, who worked in residential construction and reassured him that there were certain indicators he needed to be concerned about that were not present.
Yesterday, he asked if I would be working Saturday because he needs help with preparing to move. Although we are scheduled to work overtime (I work in a factory), I talked to my lead and told her I would not be coming in. She has no problem with that. She knows that a lot of people are going to call in anyway because we work second shift and it's Halloween. When I told my husband the situation, he said that he was "not comfortable" with me taking off. Long story short, he's afraid I will get fired, even though I have a good attendance record and am well-liked at work. (I know that the term "not comfortable" is a long way from being afraid, but you would have to know the whole conversation to see that he meant that he was afraid.)
I'm not even going to go into how he reacts to politics.
When he is upset or depressed, he gets in a mood that affects the entire house. I am a completely different person when he is around. I am happy and in a good mood when I am at work, whereas when I am home, I am generally stressed. Our younger daughter (age 18) has anxiety, and I think it is in part because of the environment she has grown up with.
Short of dragging him to a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, which will make things worse because it will add even more tension, I don't know what to do. I've tried reasoning with him, I've tried ignoring the problems, I 've tried acknowledging his feelings and moving on, etc.
I really feel like there is nothing I can do at this point. He thinks this is okay, and anyone sane would see it the same way. He's had a bad experience with therapists before, so he's not going to talk to anyone about these issues. He's not going to take medication for it.
The only positive light is that right now we are going to informal family counseling sessions to help my younger daughter. We are meeting with someone from our church that has a degree in psychology. However, I have a hard enough time talking to others, and I am certain that if I bring it up, he will be upset with me.
If you got this far, thank you for reading this.