Family gatherings
Yesterday we had a family gathering and I decided to go too, oh dear what a mistake. I act oddly when I'm nervous with people. I act like crazy that everything is allright, and more anxious I get the more I talk. Now I kept on talking all the time. I feel I spoilt the whole party talking all the time. I know it isn't true we have a lovely family and relatives. The worst is, I know there is people who need support and these gatherings are important oppportunity for people to meet. Now I stole all the attention with my nervous chattering. I feel terrible, why can't I just accept I have a terrible social anxiety, and I am too queasy for this kind of situations.Well, I try mindfulness practice and maybe this anxiety gets lighter. After a week or even tomorrow I feel better. If I at least could sleep.
@Malapropp
Hey there. Well done on attending in the first place. It can't be easy for you if it creates so much anxiety.
You say you have a lovely family and relatives, so do you really think they would be judging you? It's so easy to look back after the event and over analyse our behaviour. But were you the only person talking, did others there look happy, were people engaging with you? Truth is, whilst you're focusing so much on your own role, you're not looking at the bigger picture. And a part of you knows that, as on one hand you say you spoilt the party, but you follow that up by saying you know that isn't true.
Incidentally, I have an aunt who talks a lot.....and I mean a LOT! She's the life and soul of any party, and I love her dearly. It's good that we're all different isn't it?
I hope your mindfulness works for you, and you can finally get some rest.
@DeborahUK
Thank you DeborahUK for your support. Yes I know they are lovely, and I am hardly able to spoil the the whole party. Some may even enjoy my babbling, and some suffer. But I can't help the anxiety these gatherings raises in me. I am too much alone and therefore too self-centered. The main problem is, if I am able to put it in words, I love my relatives so dearly, but I am unable to really listen and share because of my social anxiety. My anxiety builds a wall between us. I keep on talking about myself, and I see that dear relative of mine before me, and I'm unable to be there for him/her. And years go by and I'm never able to walk with one and say how much I care. Big fat being me and my low self-esteem get always between us. But I'm grateful for you answering, maybe there will be a better day