Roadie's Tips for Coping with Anxiety
Hi there
I suffered from anxiety for pretty much my entire life before conquering it finally earlier this year (2017). There are many anecdotes that have helped me over the years so I thought I'd try and write a point every day in the hope that it may help others..
Please feel free to write or reply in the thread as well. There are no rules :)
Anecdote List:
1 - Fake it until you make it
2 - What actually happens is generally a lot better than what you think will happen
3 - Learn to say "yes"
4 - Exercise helps
5 - Don't isolate yourself off from friends and family
6 - Don't listen to your internal voice
7 - Tomorrow is another day
8 - Don't overlook those little pleasures in your day
9 - Keeping reflective lists helps can help with catastrophisation
10 - Don't give up!
11 - Have a plan
Anecdote #1: Fake it until you make it
I've talked about this a lot on here and away from here but faking it until I made it was key to my success in combatting anxiety. I found that my first interaction with others tended to set me up for the day anxiety wise. If I let my anxiety take over in that first 'potential interaction' I would be a nervous wreck for the balance of the day. If I pushed through that then anything after that was anxiety free.
To this day, I always try to look people in the eyes in those early morning exchanges and seek out someone that I've never spoken to as a way of telling myself that there's nothing to be afraid of.
So, fake it until you make it.
@Roadie
Good point!
It's positive that you have observed what triggers you the most in order to develop a strategy that helps you!
The will to try is already succesfull, amazing step! 
Keep on going and... happy new year! 
@Roadie
These are all wonderful tips and a really great post. I admire how you've learned to conquer Anxiety in your own life, and thank you for helping others do the same.
I've heard this one before, only problem is: I'm a terrible faker. I can't hide how I feel for the life of me, and if it's extremely difficult to interact with others (which it is), there's just no way for others not to know. Sometimes I can muster the strength, sometimes I really just can't. It's really difficult for me to be anything than what I think or feel. But I guess working to mask that is kind of the point, huh?
Hi @funnySquare1982
The "fake it" part is for myself and not for anyone else. It's about pushing through what I think or feel and doing it regardless. Just shutting my thoughts off and pushing through it. I've always found that even when I was really anxious, others didn't notice. Counter intuitively, I always felt that everybody noticed but they didn't.
So the faking is for me, it's not for anyone else. If someone else notices that I'm anxious, does that matter? I'm not so sure that it does. When you suffer from anxiety it 'feels' as though it does and those feelings are real. However maybe it doesn't matter. I'll leave that for you to judge.
@Roadie
Hi @Roadie, this is an amazing idea!
Great thread!
Anecdote #2: What actually happens is generally a lot better than you think will happen
Anxiety is can drive catastrophised thoughts. For me, I would think of a particular situation or event that was coming up and the worst outcome, no matter how remote the likelihood, would be what would spin around my mind again and again. If I think back, the actual outcome was almost more favourable than what I catastrophised.
Life is like that really. It's easy to think that the worst is always going to happen but the worst rarely does. Rationalisation helps to keep things in line as does trying to stay in the moment. In summary however, don't worry too much about the future because just like today, you'll cope with it just fine.
@Roadie
thanks, roadie, for this. as for catastrophy thinking, how do you help an adult daughter (very smart, Phd, vice president of her non-profit) who is accelerating to a meltdown when she worries everything. I get her going on what's the worst thing that can happen and she believes the final outcome. Everytime! For instance, she is in a high pressure job with a founder-boss who won't keep his boundaries or appreciate her results (she brought in 2 years of rrevenue to bank in 2017). So, I ask, what's the worst thing that can happen? She says, he'll fire. If he fires you, what's the worse thing that can happen? I can't pay my rent. I'll live on the street. Really? Yes mom! comes the answer. You don't understand, life is hard for my generation. Now this is a person who networks and who could easily move into another job, instead, she only wants to articulate the catastrophy. Guess there's nothing I can do, right, but just love her. Be an ear for her?
Hi @oakhenge
What you're doing is better than what you're giving yourself credit for. I'm a parent myself so I can certainly understand your concerns for her. It's almost impossible to divorce yourself from the feelings of wanting to pulling her through. At the end of the day however, you're providing really positive support, which is great. We always underestimate the power of just being there for someone and from how you are describing the situation, you're really there for her and she'll know that. That is worth more than anything if the worst did happen. Believe me on this.
With regards to how she's thinking, whether it's right or wrong is a decision that she needs to make for herself. My daughter is anxious herself and I guide her in the right direction so that she can find other resources that may help her with what she is feeling. You can tell someone whatever you want but they'll only really take it in if it aligns with what they are personally thinking at the time. Is it an option to suggest to her that if she's feeling really anxious then you know of some resources that may help? That moves it to being a suggestion that she can consider and do privately in the her own time.
Either way, I hope that she can move forward in a positive fashion. With knowledge of your support, I'm sure that it'll work out fine.
Anecdote 3: Learn to say "yes"
When I suffered from social anxiety, one of my greatest defense mechanisms was to say "no".. and say no I did, a lot. It became habitual. If someone asked me over or for a walk then no would always be the answer. The result was that people stopped asking which reinforced my anxiety. At some point I came to the conclusion that if what I was doing wasn't working then I needed to try something else and saying "Yes" was a great place to start.
@Roadie
This is so true. I do sometimes get nervous of my social surroundings and the only way sometimes is to face it.
Saying "yes" is often hard, but worth it.
Anecdote 4: Exercise helps
One of the things that always helped me when I felt anxious was to get out and exercise. It never had to be anything significant but just being outside and moving seemed to help. It wasn't the achievement that goes along with the exercise but it was just getting blood flowing and moving that helped. It was even better if I took a friend along with me.
Even if you aren't suffering from anxiety, having a good routine of exercise is great for keeping your mental health in check. It all helps.
Anecdote 5: Don't isolate yourself off from friends and family
One of the more common feelings that I experienced as part of social anxiety was a desire to isolate myself off if I started to feel anxious about a situation, a relationship, or an event. Much like the 'fake it until you make it' anecdote that I mentioned earlier, this resulted in me unconsciously giving in to the anxious feelings which drove my anxiety up. I'd think about things which would lead to me isolating further and it would spiral out even further.
The point I am trying to make is that isolating yourself when you're feeling anxious doesn't actually help. It does quite the opposite by giving in to your feelings and reinforcing to yourself that you can't cope. In reality, we can all cope with more than we give ourselves credit for and when we push our boundaries, we learn that to be true.
So I guess my point is to resist isolating yourself off and push through it instead. Try it a few times and see what the result is. It may surprise you.
Anecdote 6: Don't listen to your internal voice
If you've suffered from anxiety, most especially social anxiety, you'll know what I'm talking about here. That person looked at me funny therefore there must be something that they noticed about me. Harry was angry when I said good morning therefore I must have said something to make him angry. Sue looks sad at the moment.. what did I do? I had a great night out at Jacey's party but I shouldn't have said that thing which everybody will be talking about now.
If you struggle with anxiety, it's important to remember that all of the above are coming from yourself, not from other people. I externalise all of the time and focus on what other people are saying to me. So if they're upset or if they're angry when I say good morning, rather than fill in the subtext myself, I ask them if they're okay. What I find is every time it has nothing to do with me. And more to the point, I've learned that people are so focused on their own insecurities, their own self doubts, and their own lives that they're not even worried about that little stutter that I made. The things that we notice about ourselves, others generally don't apart from the big things.
So just relax, externalise your thoughts, and work your way past the subtext that you create for yourself. It takes practice but once you're there, it really helps.
Thank you so much
Anecdote 7: Tomorrow is another day
It's easy to think that your struggles of today will carry over to tomorrow. My experience was always that a nights sleep allowed me to power down and whatever was driving my anxiety was easier to rationalise. Keeping it in perspective and reminding myself that I'll be better set to face this in the morning was important to my recovery.
This is a great thread!!!]
Could we make this into a blog post? :)
