Trying to get a grip on my crippling shyness
Hello. I'm 55 years old and still suffer a crippling shyness with women. Ive been like this my whole life. I'm too old to be this shy but not sure where to start. It's beyond embarrassing at this point.
@theclicker69 Have you read any books about how to deal with your shyness? Have you read any books about how to talk to women? What things do you do without fear?
Honestly I didn't know there were books on these subjects. What little things I do, I do by myself. I stay at home a lot more than I'd like to admit. I know I miss out on so much but my shyness prevents me from doing much.
@theclicker69 Ah, well then you have so much you can discover about yourself and the possibilities that lie ahead for you.
Not sure I'm going to be able to do this on my own.
@theclicker69 You might want to try a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) as @akunknown has suggested. Let us know if you decide to try that and how things are going for you.
Had my initial consultation with a therapist that is working on a CBT plan for me. All I know is there will be activities for me to practice. No idea what to expect. Should know more next Friday. I figure by Thursday, my nerves will be shot thinking about this. lol
@theclicker69 don’t worry, the exercises will be easy. They may get a bit more challenging as you go but don’t worry about that now. Thanks for keeping us posted and a big hand of applause to you for taking this awesome step!
What's your definition of easy? lol
I won't know anything until Friday the 17th.
I figure by Thursday, my nerves will be in overdrive.
@theclicker69
My advice to you is to try CBT and see if that helps you. Whether it does help or not, my other advice is to get out there. I know it’s difficult when you’re feeling this way but the difficulty just makes it hard but not impossible. And if you do this and get comfortable enough to gain confidence and overcome your shyness with women, you’ll be even prouder of yourself and happier with yourself than you’d be if it was easy bc then there’d be no challenge for you to face and overcome.
I was you for the longest time. So when I give you these two words of advice, please try to trust me if you can - though no pressure at all bc pressuring shy people is not a good idea as it’ll just make them more vulnerable and uncomfortable to do things -. when I say it’s from experience as both of those words of advice were given to me less than a year ago tbh with you and so far it’s been working out for me and I sincerely hope it has the same or even better results for you my friend
Good luck ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
dude i am in the same boat. its really bothering me. im 41 and i cant stop getting anxiety around women. my last relationship was 10 years and it ended last year. to say ive been out the game for a while is an understatement. idk how to get past it either. and the loneliness has been awful. no friends no girl. i constantly feel alone.
Know that you're not alone. My 25 year marriage ended in March of last year after being separated for the last 7 years of it. I spent too much time alone with my thoughts. All I do is work, eat, sleep (very litle), and repeat.
Most of the places I frequented are not in business anymore, Friends moved away or lost contact with them. I have stopped watching TV altogether, I couldn't tell you the last time it was even on. All I know is to keep going. I'm not going to let them win.
that’s right brother can’t let them win. can’t give up now.
25 years is intense dude. i’m really sorry.
my routine is just work and home. i don’t go anywhere. i don’t have friends anymore for the same reasons as you. the loneliness is making me crazy. in an attempt to fix myself i got a gym membership today. it’s next to work so im gonna go there after my shift. after work home alone suckssss dude. i know it wont rly fix me but i got nothing else to do ya know.
Great idea with the gym. I've been thinking about doing the same. Having an office job, I'm sure I could use it.
@theclicker69Hi there. This is beyond cute. I used to be so shy myself. I guess I still am but I have learned a few tricks along the way, which I would love to share with you.
Our shyness comes from confidence and self image misconceptions that we train ourselves to think. This comes from our own one sided perceptions and from what we see in society. So things like typical images of beauty and success and what we think or wish we looked like and what we think is attractive attributes. All those kinds of ideas.
I have since learned that these are all one sided. The trick to getting around them is to broaden our perspectives and recognise that there are different types, shapes and forms of beauty. So each of us is beautiful. We each have a unique look. And it makes the world more interesting that way. So instead of trying to make myself look like the cover girls and the photoshopped *** models, I started looking at my own style and my own look. And I like it. I like my own look. And I now have fun crafting my own image and style. According to me.
The benefits of this approach are multiple:
1. It allows me to feel comfortable in my own skin again
2. It frees me to be me
And this builds confidence. So I feel comfortable approaching people.
Which brings me to the second thing that I've learned about shyness with dating.
We get caught up with what the other person is going to think of us and what we say. I've learned to just be relaxed about it. Just chat about casual things or my interests, such as books I've read or hobbies that interest me. There are wonderful ideas on the net about conversation starters and topics.
So don't sweat it too much. Just be yourself and approach them in a relaxed manner. Don't convince yourself that they're going to reject what you have to say or you as a person. Always remind yourself you'll do great. And people who don't gel with you aren't the right fit anyway. There will be others who align with you and your ideas. Anticipate meeting them next time. ANd eventually you will.
I wish you all the luck. I know you are going to meet someone great
I know this I one of my most pressing issues. Being 6'-8" and around 210-220 lbs, I intimate some people. I feel as if I'm viewed as a monster or a freak at times. Even being this size, I am so easily intimated by women.
Intimidate, not intimate. Using a new tablet.