@MindfulOfLove
This often has to do with a) other people pressuring you and b) you pressuring yourself.
For a): You need to tell those people (your parents, teachers, etc.) that you've been struggling and that their expectations aren't helping. Try finding solutions together, such as phrasing expectations in a more helpful manner. (For example:
"You need to get a B+ or better" gets turned into
"I want you to be successful in your future life. You don't have to have great grades in every test but whenever you get a C or better I will praise you for it and give you [insert treat, like money or extra time spent together]. If you have a D or worse we can figure out together why you had this grade and how to prevent it in the future. No matter what grades you get, I still love you and want you to live your best life!")
For b): Sometimes it isn't our parents or somebody else who is pressuring us to do well, it's ourselves. For this, we need to analyze why we think we need to be perfect in every test. Our thoughts could be worrying about the future if we don't get those good grades or what others will think. If you want, you can talk to me at any time so we can figure out what those thoughts mean.
DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING IS SOMETHING I STRUGGLED WITH. MAYBE YOU DON'T STRUGGLE WITH THIS AS MUCH AS I DID.
The thing that made me anxious is something you might suffer from too. It has to do with self image. If you're used to having certain grades, let's say, C+ and better, and you suddenly slip into C or D grades you feel bad. This might be because in your mind, a big part of who you are as a person are your grades and your schoolsmarts. If you have "bad" grades like a D you feel like your very personality is threatened.
For this you can do some exercises: First, write down every good character trait you have and every skill that makes you special. These can be anything. I'll give you an example of my character down below in another comment.
If you listed "good at school" or "good grades" on there, you need to realize that this is just surface level. You need to realize that you being smart isn't a school thing per se. There are other types of intelligence, too. There's school smarts, but there's also IQ (that one can be linked to school smarts, but a higher IQ doesn't mean a higher grade automatically), emotional intelligence ("EQ"), street smarts, good memory, fast processing of information etc. Grades aren't a part of your identity. You being smart is.
There's no threshold you need to cross to be "smart". If you think you're good in anything and this can be perceived as "smart", you are smart. It's about your perception, not what others think you are. If you think smarts is part of who you are, it is.
Now we've established that you're smart, no matter your grades. But what about everything else? There's so much more to you! You are skilled, you are loved by people, you have good character traits. All those things wouldn't vanish, even if you weren't smart. There's so much more to you than your grades.
If you want, you can analyze those other things. Maybe you can even think of some examples of when these traits surfaced in your life. If not, then it doesn't mean you don't have this trait. It just means you can't think of anything at the moment or that it is engrained so deeply into yourself that you don't notice when it appears.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR GRADES.
As you've noticed, I love to write long responses. I'd love to get feedback for this. Was my response too long, too short or perfect as it is? Did making some words bold help you not lose focus? Do you need more paragraphs so it's easier to read? Did making the letter slightly bigger help? How did the response help you in general?
Much love, stay hydrated and take care!
P.S. I love your username!
P.P.S. As I said above, if you need to talk, I'd love to help!
